Cursing in French

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

OK. So, I’ve undertaken the rather exciting task of learning the tongue of Molière. I’m having a wonderful time: I actually love the language, there are some nice looking gals in my class and, as a bonus side effect, I’m filling grammar gaps I didn’t even know I had, both in English and in Spanish.

So, everything was going fine and dandy, until I came upon a horrendous realization: I couldn’t curse in French!!! Horrified by such a cataclysmic circumstance, I immediately proceeded to inquire my teacher as to why I still had not been taught a single dirty word. To my consternation, she calmly replied that such a fundamental element of human discourse was not contemplated among the course objectives and, as such, was to be obviated.

As I bordered on the brim of suicide, complete despair having got the best of me, a sudden burst of insight gave a glimmer of hope: The Internet. I googled the list I’m posting below, but somehow that was not fulfilling enough. Yet more dirty colloquialisms were needed to quench my insatiable thirst.

Thusly, I recur to Humanity’s Last Bastion of Wisdom: The SDMB. What I’m hoping for is that francophone dopers (battle-hardened from discussions aplenty and armored with the best lingo the streets of France have to offer) will show up and generously share the essential knowledge that presently eludes this newbie in the “cursing-in-French” department.

So, will you be a nice prick and teach me how to curse? :slight_smile:
To start it off, here are the few dirty words/phrases I’ve gotten so far
[list=1]
[li]merde - shit[/li][li]manges la merde - eat shit[/li][li]tu m’emmerdes - you’re pissing me off[/li][li]tu me fais chier - you are pissing me off[/li][li]encule - fuck you[/li][li]salope, ordure, conasse,poofias - bitch[/li][li]va te faire voir te faire voir chez lez Grecs! - go to hell!, Fuck off![/li][li]vas te faire foutre - go get fucked (lit: stuff you)[/li][li]vas te faire enculé - fuck you[/li][li]fils de pute - son of a bitch[/li][li]tu m`emmerdes! - Fuck yourself![/li][li]il est becheur - an old bitch, pompous ass[/li][li]le con, la conasse la chatte - cunt[/li][li]baiser - to fuck[/li][li]ce sont des conneries - that’s a load of shit[/li][li]putain, pute - whore[/li][li]cul - ass[/li][li]bite - cock[/li][li]pauvre con - asshole (lit: you poor cunt)[/li][li]vas pisser dans les fleurs - fuck off (lit: go piss in the flowers)[/li][li]c’est rien que de la merde - its just a bunch of shit[/li][li]maudite vache - asshole/bitch/etc - (lit: damned cow)[/li][li]va chier - go shit[/li][/list=1]
And, my 2 personal faves:
[list=1]
[li]vas faire foutre a la vache - go fuck a cow[/li][li]mes couilles sur ton nez - my balls on your nose[/li][/list=1]

Amitiés,

quasar

2

FYI … in Europe #10 on your list is the most offensive thing you can say.

In Quebec you need to take the lord’s name/church in vain in order to swear properly… Tabarnac!

3

my personal favourite came from an old french-canadian roommate:

mets-toi une parapluie au queue et ouvre-la au fond.

OR stick an umbrella in your ass and open it.
it doesn’t really flow very nicely though.

4

Quasar –

Fichez-moi la paix!

« Espèce de » works for lots of things :

« espèce de con »
« espèce d’idiot »
« espèce de putain »

Ce n’est pas un mauvais liste. T’es bien éduqué.

Des ressources :
http://www.insultmonger.com/swearing/french.htm

5

Oh my. Curious, you haven’t told him the half of it.

In Quebec, you can take a tiny vocabulary of curses and concatenate them into a string of invective that would cross Robespierre’s eyes.

Start with a few simple elements:

hostie (pronounced /stsi/): communion wafer.
câlice (/kawliss/ or /kawlik/): chalice.
ciboire (/siboâir/): ciborium or pyx (holder for communion wafers).
vierge (/viarj/): virgin.
baptême (/bawteim/): baptism (rare).
christ (/kriss/): Christ
sacrement (/sakramã/): sacrament.
and the almighty
tabernacle (/tabarnak/): tabernacle.

You can adjoin them with the particle “de” to any object of derision:

Esti d’connasse! Fuckin’ idiot:

Moreover, you can concatenate them to any length desired:

Esti! %!!&! Esti de tabarnak! &&@!! Esti de saint-sacrament de criss de câlisse de viarge de maudit-Criss de **tabarnak**! %**@#˜™¢£¤¥§¬#%^*@##!!!

6

I forgot to mention the useful nature of “criss”:

noun: le ti-criss.
verbe: crisse-moé ça.
adjective: le criss de foqué.
interjection: ah, mon criss!

I’ve noted that for some interesting reason, when you try to curse in France-French, you just sound kind of frantic, but when you curse in Quebecois, buildings fall before your wrath.

7

Mon ami,

Vous devez lire livres de Genevieve

Ici et ici
I hope I got that right

8

What would be the proper profane French reply to this German question?

“Entschuldigen Sie bitte, wann ist die nächtse Invasion von France geplant?”

(English: Excuse me, but when is the next invasion of France scheduled for?)

Just curious… :slight_smile:

9

Curious, any idea why it is more insulting to call a man a son-of-a-bitch than to call a woman a bitch?

Qusar, post how to pronounce that list and you will have a permanent place on the wall near my computer.

10

This is as close to French-French pronunciation as I can go… if you want the Quebecois pronunciations or equivalents I can supply them.
Remember: ü is like pursing your lips to whistle and saying eee; r is rasped; a tilde (~) means the vowel is nasal; and the emphasis is always on the last syllable.

merde - /mehrd/

manges la merde - /mahnj la mehrd/

tu m’emmerdes - /tü mehmehrd/

tu me fais chier - /tü me feh shyey/

encule - /ãkül/

salope, ordure, conasse, - /salupp, awrdür, kunass/

va te faire voir chez les Grecs! -
/vah teu fehr vwar shay lay grek/

va te faire foutre - go get fucked (lit: stuff you)
/vah teu fehr footr/

va te faire enculer
/vah teu fehr ãkülay/

fils de pute - son of a bitch
/fiss de püt/ <-- fiss is the pronunciation in Quebec, unclear about in France (could be fiss or fee, not sure)

tu m`emmerdes! - Fuck yourself!
/tü mehmehrd/

il est becheur - an old bitch, pompous ass
/eel ay beshur/

le con, la conasse la chatte - cunt
/le kõ/

baiser - to fuck
/bayzay/
**WARNING. Some old dictionaries list this as “to kiss,” which is what it originally meant but does not mean any more under any circumstances. Un baiser is a kiss, but une baise is a fuck (i.e. a one-night stand, or the person you have it with.) The verb for to kiss is “embrasser”.

ce sont des conneries - that’s a load of shit
/seu sõ day kuneree/

putain, pute - whore
/pütã, püt/

cul - ass
/kü/

bite - cock
/beet/

pauvre con - asshole (lit: you poor cunt)
/pov kõ/

va pisser dans les fleurs - fuck off (lit: go piss in the flowers)
/vah peesay dã lay flur/

c’est rien que de la merde - its just a bunch of shit
/say ryenn could la mehrd/

maudite vache - asshole/bitch/etc - (lit: damned cow)
/modeet vash/

va chier - go shit
/vah shyay/

And, my 2 personal faves:

va faire foutre a la vache - go fuck a cow
/vah fehr foot ah la vash/

mes couilles sur ton nez - my balls on your nose
/may kooy sür ton nay/

11

I always thought ‘ducon’ or ‘ducons’ meant ‘asshole’.

A few years back, I remember seeing posters for some educational TV series in France with the word “Educons!” (“Lets learn!”, but sounds like “Hey, asshole!”) printed next to people with shocked looks on their faces.

12

ah but french has so many mild swear words that are equally amazing.

“that’s bloody fantastic”- “c’est comme le petit jesu dans less coulottes du velour”

that’s right- it’s like baby jesus in velvet trousers.
fab mental image, non?

matt, please correct my spelling and grammar, it’s about 6 years since i’ve spoken any french.

13

Votre mère était un hamster et votre père a senti comme elderberries!

Je fart dans votre direction générale!

14

Please please please, don’t let lno see this… I’m trying to teach him to speak french… :wink: Let’s not warp his fragile little mind yet! :smiley:

15

I´m stumped. For the life of me I can’t make out the meaning of this. I even asked my French-speaking friend and she doesn’t know either. Peux-toi traduire la phrase?

I’m sure this is a typo: It should read: “une mauvaise liste”. :slight_smile:

Tu crois ? Tu* es très gentil.

*Je peux être incorrect, mais je crois que, quand tu es suivi d’ un mot qui commence avec une voyelle, on ne fait pas la liaison.

BTW, je te remercie pour la liste, c’est très génial.

On that note, I must mention this gem:
[ul]
“Si j’avais ta tête à la place du cul j’aurais honte de chier — If my ass looked anything like your face, I’d be ashamed of taking a shit.”
[/ul]

I have already printed out the excerpts. A lot to read…

I can not wait for the trilogy’s 3rd installment: “Vive la merde”. :slight_smile:

Hey, matt, thanks a lot for the pronunciation guide. It might actually come very handy this Saturday: I have an oral exam, and if things don’t turn out as well as I envision, I might blow off my frustration by calmly telling my teacher “vas faire foutre à la vache”. Come to think about it, I’d better not. But it never hurts to keep these types of expressions handy. One never knows… :slight_smile:

BTW, how would one say “WTF?” in French?

And last but not least, how would I say the verb “to fart”? I see **caveman ** mentioned it in his post: “Je fart dans votre direction générale!”, but did not translate it.

For those interested, about.com has a nice message board where novice students can post their questions in English and have them answered by a courteous bunch of francophones. It also has a French-only forum where more advanced students can practice their skills and, if they so desire, have their mistakes pointed out to them.

On that vein, you are more than welcome to correct any errors I might have made.

Amitiés,

quasar

16

Fiche moi la paix = Leave me alone

to fart = péter

17

Ben kossé ça tabarnak?!

18

Formally, that’s so; informally, “t’es” is common and, in Quebec, without exception.

19

Va te faire foutre, et le cheval sur lequel tu est arrivé.
I don’t really use this as a curse in French since it’s more of a humorous curse, at least in my usage.

Je m’amuse l’utiliser en reponse a les demandes « Vraiment? Tu parles français? Dit-moi quelqeuchose en français… »