Cutting him off: No more sex until after we're married

I’m getting married in January, and I’m thinking about cutting off sex for a month or so until our wedding night. I know, we live together and we’re had sex, so it’s not like we’re saving ourselves or anything.

Do any of you have experiences with this? Does it make the sex better on the wedding night? More special? What are your opinions on this?

It just seems like making an issue out of nothing. Unless this is something that you guys have discussed before, he may feel like it’s out of nowhere, that there are unresolved issues somewhere else, etc., etc., which, when combined with the stresses of getting married, may cause some problems.

I would also worry that it would make the sex less special, since sex has now become an “issue”

Either way, between the holidays and planning a wedding, however small, the sex may just go away on its own. :wink:

My opinion is that if you begin to treat sex as a commodity that’s what it will become.

I’d go the other route. Continue with your normal schedule, but with promises of REALLY ramping things up after the wedding.

And then a bargaining chip, then fulcrum, then a brick wall…

What possible, rational motivation is there for this?


Depending on the size of your wedding and how much work you will be doing…well, let’s just say that most couples with whom I have had an occasion to speak with about this who have already been having sex, basically said they were too exhausted on the night to do very much at all.

But that’s up to you. May I ask why you would think to do such a thing? And if you were going to do such a thing, are you going to cut off everything? I could see it being kind of fun if you allowed yourself to neck and nuzzle and make out but no actual sexual contact, to build the desire.

Besides all that, I would discuss it with him. “Cutting him off” sounds extraordinarily negative; aren’t you cutting yourself off, too? If both of you are amenable, it’s just a month, so it might be fun. If if really is YOU making a sexual decision for both partners, then I’m sorry, I can’t get behind that.

Do you want the guy to relax, enjoy the wedding day, take it all in and have good memories of it? Or do want him to go through the day impatiently waiting for it to go by as fast as possible so he can get some?
“Do you remember our wedding ceremony hon?”
“No, I was just thinking about that night.”
“Do you remember our reception?”
“No, I just wanted to get back to our hotel room.”

Sounds like every engaged man’s nightmare: ‘I was having all the sex I wanted until I agreed to get married.’ It’s actually almost like you’re punishing him for agreeing to marry you, since presumably if you weren’t getting married you’d be having sex as much as usual.

Why do you want to do this? And are you sure this is the message you want to send going in to your wedding?

There will probably be enough sex-free times over the course of your marriage (illness, baby, business travel, whatever) that I can’t see the point in adding MORE time without sex to a relationship. Get it on while the getting is good, I say.

That is plain crazy. Why would you even consider this? What would be the point?

What is sex to you?

Of course it feels good, but other than that:

Does it relieve stress?
Does it help you feel closer to your partner? More loved?
Does it help to smooth over any minor (or major) disagreements or friction that you’ve had recently?
Does it help you support and and take care of one another?
Does it take your mind off of things that may be bothering you?
Does it remind you that you and he are a team, and that you’re each other’s first priority? You two against the world?

If any or all of those things are true…

Why the HELL would you think about not having sex during what will be an extraordinarily stressful month, and a month where all sorts of issues might pop up between you?

And “cutting him off?” I hope you were just making an attempt at humor, because it’s disgusting for one spouse to deny sex to the other in order to achieve some sort of goal.

I really think you ought to think carefully about your attitudes toward sex and how they might affect your marriage over the long haul.

If you want to do something on those lines, then doing it unilaterally is exactly the wrong way to start a marriage: you need to talk it over with your fiance, and agree on what to do before and after your wedding. He may like the idea, but think that a week’s abstinence is enough, or he may have other ideas to suggest.

I’d go on doing whatever you’re doing and not make sex an issue or a commodity, as Sateryn76 and Contrapuntal have mentioned.

Whatever you’re doing now brought you to this marriage, don’t change a thing. Sex may or may not happen on your wedding night, but that’s unimportant. Cutting him off-- as you put it-- is NOT a good idea, and I’m surprised that you would think of it. It’s seems like an odd sort of religious/romantic/delusional view.

You realize you’d have to go without sex, too, right?

You’re in a relationship, and engaged. What does it say about your relationship if one party can arbitrarily impose restrictions on intimacy and expect the other party to be alright with it?

On the other hand, if he agrees, go for it.

NB: A friend of mine got engaged and his fiancee cut off sex for over a year- she was a Christian, but also a slut, and she figured she could revirginize herself of something. In the end, she wound up cheating on him- both before and after the wedding.

ETA: You or Sateryn need to change your name! I am always mixing up the two of you, and it does help when you post one after the other! :wink:

Well said. I totally agree.

Go for it. The guy will appreciate a chance to know what he is in for after the marriage and this way will still have a chance to bail. You will be doing him a huge favor.

Assuming I have the correct Saternata7667, she’s kind of a nympho, so he might apppreciate the chance to rest…

Cutting off sex? Hope no deposits have been paid towards the wedding, and that the fellow does not marry you, for that sort of nasty power and control game playing does not bode well in the long term.

We did this a few times when we thought we were boinking too often but it was mutual and it wasn’t for more than two or three days. Certainly made it more special when it was over.