Coming out of where the sun don’t shine?
Upstate New York?
You might want to be careful yourself, Miss Bodacious Tatas.
Sincerely,
Miss 32B
Holy crap, Allesan - this line gave me a chill!
:shudders:
Regards,
Shodan
I like that the thread has descended into farce. It makes me giggly. 
Somebody asked what happened to the hair that was cut off…I tried to find the comment but I can’t seem to. (This thread is something of a monster.) Susan, after rubbing it on Jen’s face and dangling it in front of her, tossed it on the floor.
It was later picked up by a regular, whom Jen told to “throw it the hell away!”
As for Susan being my bridesmaid…hell no. She’s out. I can’t risk worrying about this psycho drama happening again. What if she “accidentally” burned a cigarette on my dress or something?
She RUBBED IT ON HER FACE? That’s…ew. Not the fact that it’s hair (after all, it was Jen’s own hair) but the whole, “I’m going to do something mean and then literally rub your face in it!”
Tell Susan she can’t go to the wedding. She needs to go back to kindergarten and work on the basics first.
It’s one of the reasons I <3 the Dope so much.
She rubbed it on Jen’s face? Of course, I can hear the “It’s just hair!” brigade saying “it’s her own hair, why should she care that Susan rubbed it in her face?,” but that’s a pretty aggressive move, to not just cut someone’s hair off and show it to them but also literally rub the victim’s face in the deed.
YOU STAY BACK!
. . . they’re all I have going for me. 
sob
Edit to add: with this “rubbing in the face” point-- yeah, I stand by what I said before: I would have fucking decked the bitch. ESPECIALLY if she was stupid enough to literally rub it in my face. We’d rumble.
Yeah I meant to mention it in the OP and forgot; Susan was laughing and, as noted, literally rubbing her face in it. The whole thing happened so quickly and was so astonishing that nobody, even Jen, really reacted the way people assume they will when something like this happens. We were all just kind of motionless, jaws hanging open…
And I would assume that if one is kicked out of the bridal party, it goes without saying you’re not invited even as a guest? Dear lord, I hope so…
I would not make this assumption on the part of Susan, given what you’ve told us regarding her lack of understanding of basic human civilized behavior. You’ll probably have to say openly “Not only are you no longer a bridesmaid, you are no longer invited to the wedding at all, and we are no longer friends.”
Has she been banned from the bar yet?
I hope dresses were already bought. If so, rip hers to shreds then rub her face in it like a dog that pissed on the carpet. I believe your point will be clear.
“You’re out of the wedding party, you’re not invited to the wedding at all, we’re not friends any longer, you’re no longer welcome at the bar, and we’re thinking about revoking your membership in the human race.” That oughta cover it. 
(Yeah, you need to spell it out to someone this clueless.)
Good lord - Susan rubbed the hair in Jen’s face?!?!?
Ugh - I would be happy to punch Susan in her face if required/desired. I’m all fat and pregnant and hormonal - I could totally get away with it.
She will never be banned from the bar; my boss doesn’t see the big deal (yes I know!) and doesn’t want us to “alienate a regular” because “times are slow.” Did I ever mention that Jen is also a bartender at this bar?
Susan has not, however, shown up since this incident; I think even Susan has gotten a creepy-crawly feeling that nobody would be happy to see her.
Just snip a bit of her hair off every time she comes in - I think she’ll get the message.
I heartily approve of your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter.
Also make sure that each snip makes Susan’s hairstyle as uneven and “styled by an ADD 5-year-old hopped up on sugar and caffeine” as possible.
If she does show up, does that mean you and your coworkers actually have to assist her and wait on her?
Cause if I could get away with it, I’d just not see her or be too busy if she had the nerve to show up.
And I agree with the other poster that she might not get the not bridesmaid=not a guest.
Good luck
That was me.
I’d almost be surprised that no one reacted to Susan’s bizarre behavior in an appropriate way, but I kind of get it. Her behavior was so out of line with reality that everyone was probably wondering if what happened had actually happened. A normal reaction to something so unbelieveable is to just not believe it.
This, in multitudes. My reaction to someone cutting off my hair (or seeing someone cut another person’s hair) without permission and then rub it in my (or another person’s face) would be shock, and I’d probably sit there thinking “wait, what? What just happened? Am I on ‘Punk’d?’ This isn’t really happening, is it?”
I mean, getting punched? That’s a pretty straightforward situation to handle. Having my hair cut off and rubbed in my face by someone while I’m sitting having drinks with friends? That’s just bizarre, and I would probably be frozen in disbelief for a while before I could process a response.
Bwah ha ha ha!
Carry on.