Cutting Off A Girl's Hair: Is This Ever OK?

In My Humble Opinion
1

One of my best friends (let’s call her Jen) has, literally, the thickest and most gorgeous hair in the world. It’s her pride and joy. She gets stopped on the street by strangers who comment on it. Even as her best friend, her hair makes me jealous. It’s just so fabulous. Her hair makes everyone jealous. :smiley:

She had it in a thick braid over her shoulder yesterday, and was telling a mutual friend of ours (let’s call her Susan) that she needed to trim it because her split ends were getting out of control.

Susan got a pair of scissors and cut four inches of hair off the end of Jen’s braid. Waved it in front of her face and said “I’m making a statement! Bitch about your split ends again!”

I’m a bartender; they were both sitting at my bar. Neither was sober. Neither was so drunk they didn’t know what happened, or what they were doing.

Jen’s eyes started watering like she was about to cry, but instead she began laughing slightly hysterically. Like she couldn’t believe what had just happened. Susan tried to make a joke out of it, but then she realized that nobody else thought it was remotely OK, so she fled the scene within ten minutes.

Jen wasn’t really upset about it til today, when she took her hair down, brushed it out, and realized that the right half of her hair is several inches shorter than the left, and so jagged and badly cut that she’s going to have to cut off about five inches off the rest of her hair to make it OK.

Susan texted her today, just once. “Make an appointment with your stylist and I will pay for it.” No apology. No “I’m sorry.” Just a blunt offer to pay for a haircut.

Is it just me, or is cutting off a woman’s hair–even as a joke–crossing a serious line? I don’t have hair half as fabulous as Jen’s, and I would still cry if somebody butchered it the way Susan did. It’s not like you spilled red wine on my clothes, or dropped a greasy casserole on my carpet…you can change your clothes and clean your carpet. But your HAIR? Sure, Jen’s hair will grow back, but that’s not the point.

I wouldn’t do this to somebody I hated. Much less somebody I call a friend. I don’t care if I were twice as drunk as both of them put together. It wouldn’t even cross my MIND. I’m so aghast about it that I wonder if I’m viewing it correctly. Am I making too much of this? Is whacking off four inches of hair ever a joke? Ever OK? Ever even really forgivable? A woman’s hair is so personal, IMHO. I know I’ve been growing mine out recently and if somebody were to cut off even TWO inches of it–especially in a braid, where it will inevitably be all jagged and ugly–I would lose my mind.

Jen has not replied to Susan’s text as of now. She doesn’t even know what to say, she’s so angry and hurt and upset.

I would like opinions on this. Because I don’t think I know quite what the hell to think.

2

I don’t have fabulous hair by any stretch of the imagination - in fact I don’t have a lot of hair to begin with (although I must add that this is by choice, not by force of nature :D) but this would seriously piss me off. I do have a mustache and a goatee and I get fussy when people try and touch it (which they do). The way I see it, hair is part of your body, albeit more expendable than most other parts. Cutting it is not ever OK.

3

I’d be incredibly upset if someone did this to me, and I’ve varied between sit on it and boy short hair. I reckon for someone who has received compliments on it constantly it would be a part of their self-image - femininity, attractiveness, power, even a place to hide. Yes, it can grow back, but the initial ‘attack’ followed by the need to cut further would be really painful for me.

I would have no clue how to handle the person who cut it off. That level of unpredictability and lack of remorse would mean I don’t think we could remain friends.

And the gossip version of this is that Sienna Miller is in trouble with Sadie Frost for cutting her daughter’s hair when she was with her for a visit. So even unbalanced celebrities get upset about this sort of thing!

4

Totally inappropriate. I’ve been thinking about chopping my hair off for most of the last year (I may even go ahead and do so, today), but even so, if someone randomly grabbed the ponytail and cut it off I’d still be pissed as hell. (I DO have fabulous hair, unlike Švejk, but it’s just getting to be a pain in the ass.)

My immediate reaction is ‘WTF? What statement does she think she’s making?’

My next is ‘Where the hell did she get the scissors? Especially a pair that can cut through a thick braid, as easy as being described?’

5

This I don’t get. A thick braid is what, 2 inches? She’d need a big pair of scissors, and even then she’d be gnawing at it with them. You’d think the owner could whip the braid out of her hands.

6

Re: Tengu…she asked my coworker for a pair of scissors. But that isn’t unusual; people are always asking the bartender for scissors. Whether its to cut off a tag on their shirt or a stray hem or an article in the paper…we had heard the conversation Jen and Susan were having but never in a thousand years did either of us ever expect the result. Who would? The whole “I’m gonna cut your hair off” thing is reserved for movies, right? Nobody sane would actually do it?

Susan is one of those girls who adores you and wants to be you, to the point that she hates you. If that makes any sense. Like I really do believe she fucked up Jen’s hair because it isn’t hers. Which is so far beyond any kind of rational thought process that I don’t know what to do with it. A girl’s hair is, for good or bad, part of who she is. Ask any woman alive. Even if a woman shaved all of it off, that’s her statement, and also a part of who she is.

Ask that same woman if she’d be OK with somebody else fucking with her hair. My bet is on “Hell NO!”

7

And Jen has very long hair; she was talking to somebody to her right while Susan had her braid, to her left. She didn’t even know what happened til it was too late.

8

Absolutely unforgivable. That person is unpredictable and too unstable to be around!

I would never speak to her again. I don’t need that kind of crazy around me.

9

I expect legally it would be defined as assault, right? After all, your hair is part of your body and cutting it is technically no different from cutting a person’s arm, right? NOT that I’m suggesting police involvement - just adding another thought to NO this is NEVER OK!!

I’ve got a friend who, in the past, wore her hair almost to her ankles. It was thick, a beautiful color, and her braid was like a well-made rope. She told me people were always coming up to touch it! That, to me, is right up there with touching a pregnant woman’s belly - you just don’t do it. eeeesh! But she solved her problem by giving most of it to Locks of Love, and she’s worn it just past shoulder length for the last decade or so. No one pays attention to shoulder-length hair.

10

SOOOO interesting…particularly the ‘deja vu’ aspect about this with me being ‘Jen’ and my (so-called) friend (of decades) being ‘Susan’ - who was obviously channeling her very same cutting technique!

It’s an absolutely despicable thing to do; and though too, my ‘friend’ offered to pay for the ‘repair’ (all the while insisting that she didn’t mean to upset me LOL!) I forked out, and forked her off.

This is the behaviour of a ‘friend’ who will metaphorically ‘cut you from behind’ - that they end up doing it literally is a beautiful illustration really: personally I don’t think it should be ignored; and, in its own horrifying way, it’s really a gift.

Certainly hair grows back - trust often doesn’t.

11

Cutting someone’s hair without their consent is classed as common assault in this country. Needless to say, add me to the people who think it’s never OK. Not just for women, either.

12

Things must have changed a lot. Back when I was a bartender we didn’t keep scissors behind the bar. I know of very few drink recipes which require them.

13

She should cut it far more than necessary to even it out, and when people ask what happened to her hair, she should tell them what Susan did. And if Susan ever gets wind of this and denies she did that much damage, she should say, “Susan was drunk, she probably is misremembering.”

Okay, maybe not. But it’s tempting.

14

Couldn’t that be called a misdemeanor?

Battery?

15

I dislike the tone here; we keep scissors behind the bar because our regulars cut out crosswords, recipes, etc., from the daily paper which we keep behind the bar, and we also use them to cut open the plastic bags we get daily from the bank, to supply the cash in the register.

If you are implying that the bartenders who were working were at fault for handing Susan the scissors she used to cut Jen’s hair…well you may think what you like, but nobody in their right mind would suspect that Susan–a regular of many years–would use them in the way in which she did. The fault is entirely hers.

I have also handed one of our regulars our big huge bar knife, which we use for cutting fruit, which he uses to cut up and share the banana bread he makes.

I don’t know any drink recipes that actually call for knives either, but I know of many drinks that call for the fruit which said knife cuts. Your point remains elusive.

16

DesertRoomie has not cut her hair since she was seventeen. It’s as straight as can be and would be down to her butt except she generally wears it in a braid. She’s never had it assault cut but people keep trying to touch it and, worse, plead with her to donate it to Lock of Love – plead insistently. She doesn’t like it, saying it’s taken her thirty years to get it like that, thankyouverymuch.

17

Susan has boundary issues. And yes, to me, that is crossing a serious line. Sure, the hair will grow back, but evidently this long hair is a big part of Jen’s look, and it’s going to take her at LEAST a couple of years to grow it to its former length.

Actually, other than cutting it far more than necessary, I can get behind this. Jen should tell everyone “Susan decided to cut my hair, and she never even apologized!” And Jen should never, ever talk to Susan again, other than to say “Get away from me, you crazy bitch!” She shouldn’t accept Susan’s offer to pay, because then Susan will think that everything’s OK between them. Some people think that as long as they apologize, that this fixes everything. Well, Jen will probably never trust her again, and she shouldn’t trust her.

I think that Susan was crazy jealous of Jen’s hair, and acted as aggressively as she could, and make no mistake about it, this WAS an act of aggression. She had to know that Jen would be emotionally hurt by this, and that was probably her intention.

If you can ban people from the bar, I suggest that you do so to Susan. After all, if she’s willing to do this shit, what will she do to some woman who complains that she needs breast reduction surgery? Ask for the bar knife and attempt it right then and there?

18

I think Susan should feel lucky she doesn’t have pretty eyes.

19

I agree with Lynn. Ignoring her offer to pay for the hair cut would be a powerful social response. People really do tend to think everything’s OK after they apologize, exactly as described. This chick sounds crazy. I have long hair and while I don’t think I’d cry if someone cut it it would definitely piss me the fuck off.

20

My daughter has very long hair too, and I occasionally worry that one of the nastier kids at school will chop a plait off, like I saw happen once when I was at secondary school myself.

It’s the kind of thing malicious bullies do; there’s no way it’s a joke.