Cyndi Lauper Hates My Mom [Stories for Mother's Day]

Sunday is Mother’s Day. Share your favorite stories about your mom - especially the weird ones! Mine will be posted in a few minutes.

If I got started on my mother, I wouldn’t be able to stop…

And what’s wrong with that? :wink:

My mother is a pretty well known international speaker in her field. Travelling to one speech, she sat down in first-class and who should sit beside her but Jesse Jackson. My mother cannot stand the man because of the way he operates. She had actually corrected him on a disparaging comment he made about my home state of Louisiana at a dinner in Washington D.C once. Passengers were all saying how much they loved him as they boarded the plane and many were most likely lying. She just sat there and read a book quietly. He could not stand the indifference and introduced himself. She politely treated him like any other random person. That treatment drove him crazy and he tried to engage her in conversation the whole flight. She replied succinctly and went back to reading. It was her little mind game based on her beliefs. She is very good at that and even professional manipulators don’t stand a chance to her stubbornness.

Consider this strange story a tribute to my mother, from whom I get most of my sense of humor. If you want to get technical, I suppose this might be the second-weirdest story I’ve heard about my mom.

[The story about her trip to Israel might be weirder. She went with a bunch of friends in youth group… and they got stoned everywhere they went. One of them brought a brick of hashish back to the States. But that happened way before I was born.]

My mom went to a bunch of different colleges, so she had a larger number of roommates and housemates. During her time at Johnson State College in Vermont in the early '70s, she shared an A-frame house with a girl named Cyndi Lauper.

After college and their brief time together, Cyndi went on to release a string of hit singles including “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” “She Bop,” “Time After Time,” “True Colors,” “I Drove All Night” and “The Goonies R Good Enough” (one of the preceding is, of course, a big standard at weddings), selling some 50 million albums worldwide and winning Grammys, Emmys and many other awards in the process, and achieving global fame for her effervescent pop-punk sound and recognition as an icon of American '80s culture. My mom, not so much. Not to dismiss the fact that she’s raised three kids and all of that, but there are no Grammys or Emmys on our mantle and students don’t dress up like my mom on '80s Nights.

But Cyndi was in the production of The Threepenny Opera that I saw last month with my mom and one of her friends. My mom doesn’t talk about this period of her life very much, but during the play, I did think “we should say hi!” a few times. As we usually do, we went over to the stage door after the show to share some words with the actors and collect some autographs. When my mom’s friend heard about this unusual connection, she insisted that my mom say something at the right time. My mom agreed after a little pushing. Here, more or less, is the response she got. (And this is what happens when you play this game with a performer.)

If you want to picture this, keep in mind that Cyndi Lauper actually has a very thick Nu Yawk accent.

Mom: You might not remember me, but we shared a little A-frame at Johnson State-
Cyndi: [Marley’s Mom]? Oh my god, you were such a bitch!

And so Cyndi Lauper entertained the crowd for about five minutes with her version of what life with my mom was like. The problems included:

“Her boyfriend was the worst. You came from such a noice family, and you kept him around!”

“You housebroke the dawg- she tried to housebreak the dawg on the cahpet!”

“Eventually I had to move outta dere. The landlawd was really pissed at me!”

My mom didn’t agree with much of the story - except the part about the boyfriend. She agreed he was awful… even though he’s not my father.

After my mother spent 2 1/2 hours giving birth to 9 1/2 pound me in a small shack in the middle of a forest she got up and made my dad and the doctor breakfast.
You know, that doesn’t shine my dad in a very good light but mom is pretty tough.

Thats hilarious, Marley23! Makes me wish for a thread devoted entirely to really tenuous connections to/shocking encounters with celebrities. If I’d had one, I’d start it. I know its been done before, but not recently.