So, oldest boy found this bug on the stairs to the basement just now.
We do have plenty of ants, and we are getting ready to have the whole goddamn house [del] burnt down [/del] exterminated, so I assume it’s a queen ant. Please effing mother of god don’t tell me it’s a termite.
Looks to me like it’s the Greenhouse Rove Beetle Dalotia coriaria. Harmless except to fungus gnats. Rove beetles don’t look like normal beetles because they have very short elytra (wing covers) that they can fold their flying wings under. You can tell it’s not an ant because it doesn’t have a narrow “waist” between the thorax and abdomen.
Does it have a thorax? It’s difficult to tell from the photos - it looks like it has a head and huge abdomen.
Of course it has a thorax. All insects have thoraxes. As I said, the distinguishing feature of ants is a very narrow waist (technically called the “petiole”) between the thorax and the legs. It’s certainly not an ant.
It kind of looks like this one.
Huh, very GOOD to know.
Now oldest boy wants to know what to do to keep it alive…short of buying fungus gnats at the pet supply store, my suggestion was to put it back in the basement. 
Glad it’s not an ant queen or termite, but I am curious if there’s a reason it would be in the house? Is it a portent of gnats or fungus I should be looking out for?
She loves you yeah, yeah, yeah!
(Not a termite)
Yep. That’s it.
I googled “beetle huge abdomen” and it was the first image result. It’s from a bug identification page and was found in North Carolina. It looks like it’s an oil beetle.
Yep. Apparently they’re not uncommon around here.
From what that says, doesn’t explain why it was in my basement though. Guess it’s nothing to worry about, just a waylaid traveler.
Don’t touch it, because it causes blisters.
Also,
So they are a bit like the facehugger/xenomorph in* Alien*.
Must be an Ohioan.
Even more horrific than the Alien facehugger. We are to imagine an alien that similarly attaches itself to a woman, but then appears to have no effect. Some months later, the woman gives birth, not to a baby, but to the creature that ate her baby.
But, no, Sicks Ate, nothing to worry about. You shouldn’t spend any time thinking about the horror show potentially occurring in your basement.
