[QUOTE=Rube E. Tewesday]
It’s kind of the beginning of wisdom to realize that there’s absolutely no upside to being polite to these people. As a lifelong nut magnet, I’m finally starting to get how important it is to be swift and brutal.
[/QUOTE]
But if you have some time it could be fun playing with them. nameless was way too nice. This is a great time to haul out some of the god insults. “I don’t understand, why do you believe in a Magic Sky Pixie?” I only consider it a win if they run away. My house must have a skull and crossbones on missionary maps, since no one has come for years after I scared a set of Baptists and JWs away. I’m from New York, so I don’t emit warm and friendly vibes, so hardly anyone tries it on me. When I was younger I had experience warding off panhandlers, who at least sometimes had fun stories to share.
Korea seems to think China’s putting something in the kimchi. Just a couple of years ago, there was a scare about contaminated kimchi from China (not many people here make their own and the majority of the stuff is imported). People all over the country were saying they’d just make their own to prevent getting whatever it was in the Chinese vegetables put into the imported stuff. Odd thing, though, is that to make their own in Korea, they had to use vegetables imported from–you guessed it–China!
[QUOTE=Monty]
contaminated kimchi from China
[/QUOTE]
It’s not just the Chinese. A few years back, a Hungarian company got busted for putting red lead in their paprika powder too.
I used to tell them I was a Bhuddist (which I’m not.) In northern Michigan. that always stunned them. They didn’t know how to talk to a Bhuddist. It was funny to see their slack jawed expression as they searched their brains for a stock phrase to say to Bhuddists, and came up empty. (My Christian roomate got really angry at me when I told him I did this.)
[QUOTE=Leviosaurus]
I used to tell them I was a Bhuddist (which I’m not.) In northern Michigan. that always stunned them. They didn’t know how to talk to a Bhuddist.
[/QUOTE]
I have not yet worked up the chutzpah to courteously take the proffered literature, then immediately drop it, seize my hand by the wrist and shriek in pain as if it burned, look at them in anguished horror and flee.
[QUOTE=matt_mcl]
I have not yet worked up the chutzpah to courteously take the proffered literature, then immediately drop it, seize my hand by the wrist and shriek in pain as if it burned, look at them in anguished horror and flee.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=Voyager]
My house must have a skull and crossbones on missionary maps, since no one has come for years after I scared a set of Baptists and JWs away.
[/QUOTE]
My wife did a number on some Jehovah’s Witnesses a few years ago. We live on 30 acres and our house is well designed for the land. You come in the side door into a tile-floored mud room. Through the door, about five feet away (also a tile floor) are the washer and dryer. Opposite that is the downstairs bathroom with a full tub and shower.
I was out of town at the time but she was planting some trees in the rain and when she finished, she came into the mud room, stripped and was planning to take a hot shower while the clothes were still in the dryer.
She is naked and the dogs start barking. She looks through the window to see two very wide eyed JW’s who turn and scurry back to their car.
As I said, this was a few years ago and we have not been bothered since…
[QUOTE=Dave_H]
My wife did a number on some Jehovah’s Witnesses a few years ago. We live on 30 acres and our house is well designed for the land. You come in the side door into a tile-floored mud room. Through the door, about five feet away (also a tile floor) are the washer and dryer. Opposite that is the downstairs bathroom with a full tub and shower.
I was out of town at the time but she was planting some trees in the rain and when she finished, she came into the mud room, stripped and was planning to take a hot shower while the clothes were still in the dryer.
She is naked and the dogs start barking. She looks through the window to see two very wide eyed JW’s who turn and scurry back to their car.
As I said, this was a few years ago and we have not been bothered since…
[/QUOTE]
A really hot woman JW came to my door a few years back and rang the door at a godawful early hour of the morning, I woke up and came to the door groggy in nothing but my underwear. She handed me a watchtower, said sorry to bother you with a terrified look in her eye and left. I guess 280 lbs of butt scratching, bare belly, Robin Willams grade hairy, pillow monster is an effective deterrent to ministrations.
When I was in college there must have been a JW in the building I lived in, cuz I got them at my door all the time. Once this lady asked me what I believed and I told her I was an athiest, and she just said she that she sees that a lot in college students, and left. The next week two big guys each with 6" of height on me show up at my door, and immediately ask if they can come in to discuss the lord with me. I wasn’t aware the JWs employed enforcers, but I would have sworn on any book that that’s what they were.
[QUOTE=devilsknew]
A really hot woman JW came to my door a few years back and rang the door at a godawful early hour of the morning, I woke up and came to the door groggy in nothing but my underwear. She handed me a watchtower, said sorry to bother you with a terrified look in her eye and left. I guess 280 lbs of butt scratching, bare belly, Robin Willams grade hairy, pillow monster is an effective deterrent to ministrations.
[/QUOTE]
“Oh, crap, they never told me how to deal with this!”
I react to all such convert-seekers with extremely polite disinterest. They expect hostility and swearing, not politeness.
[QUOTE=nameless]
Me: “No, agnostic,” That was a lie. I’m an atheist. I didn’t want to crush his dreams too soon. Now, I regret this. “I am interested in theology though.” That was true. I love mythology and theology of all cultures.
[/QUOTE]
Who was it, Barry Longyear, who defined an agnostic as an atheist who didn’t want to talk about it? That described me for a long time.
In my freshman year of college, lo those many years ago, I got into a conversation with a couple who were following the Josh McDowell brand of evangelism; that is, using logic to prove the divinity of Jesus (I know, I know).
Them: So Jesus was either a mad man or the messiah. There’s no other choice. So what was he?
Me: A mad man?
I’m a bit more sophisticated now, but the look on their face was priceless.
