Damn interstellar pirates!

This is a pre-emptive rant. Some day, it will probably make sense.

I want to thank cmkeller and mrblue92 (in this thread) for the inspiration for this thread.

Damn those interstellar pirates!

I’ve had it with them!

Prices on tickets have tripled because of them. Just the insurance on spaceflight is enough to make you want to gouge your eyes out.

Don’t even think about getting fine Aldebaran Wines, the pirates hi-jack all shipments. Those damn drunken interstellar pirates!

Because of those damn interstellar pirates, we now have to put up with molecular scanning. I don’t know about you, but I for one am sick and tired of having probes stuck up there.

I think that if this keeps up, I’ll just stop travelling altogether.

I know this rant is a bit weak, but I’m exhausted. I just came back from vacation and our ship was diverted to a backwaters planet in an unfashionable part of the galaxy. You know how it is…

Just a bit bored are we?

Been there…done that.

While we’re on the subject, I would like to offer this pre-emptive rant:

"You finally, really did it – you maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!"

God-damnit that isn’t a funny joke! Retroviruses that add donkey DNA are not funny, especially not on the day that I give a speach to the V:Ck representatives. This is so not good. They’re going to eat my brain now!! Damn you pig fucker! It’s a good thing I’ve got all those braintapes and blank clones for back up.

Yeah, and you assholes blew up Alderaan. They had some of the best stripper joints in the galaxy.

Ah, well. At least I can still visit Nar Shaddaa.

slave-girl outfit…



Motherfucking CHUDS! Stay in the goddamn sewers!

And while you’re at it:

  • Leave my fucking ice ALONE!
  • Return what you have stolen…!
  • Gather up all the Evil before you leave.

[sub]Bastard pirates…[/sub]

Look, people, I’m not condoning the mass spacing of civilians, but you have to understand that centuries of Terran arrogance and imperialism is inevitably going to draw a response of some kind from the rest of the Galaxy. One being’s “pirate” is another being’s “freedom fighter”, you know? So some liner full of rich, indulgent, fatcat Terran pigs and their whiny, bratty, children going off to Tour the Outer Systems get shoved out the airlock or brain-locked and sent to the Trans-Rigellian Labor Exchanges–I mean, yes, it’s terrible, but is it any worse than what we did to Vega Prime during the Third Arcturian War?

Stop me if you’ve heard this one…

A hyper-intelligent brain in a stasis jar walks into a bar.


So shoot me…

In the future of course.


All I’ll say is…

If we stop going to Vega Prime just because we risk explosive decompression, our entrails squirting out into space and our eyes bursting, then the interstellar pirates will have already won.

Well, dammit, since no one can make the Kessel Run in 12 parsecs, I haven’t had a spice fix in ages.

Hey, I’m as much for privacy as the next Betan, but we have to face certain realities. Allowing the police to randomly deep-scan citizens sounds harsh, but how else are we going to keep out the shapeshifters? Besides, the recovery period is only three weeks, and only 2% of most sentients continue to experience the psychotic episodes afterwards.

Well, Guin, climb aboard my Winnebago, and we’ll go into… hyperactive.

Oh piracy is normal now a’days I am actually getting quite used to the news coverage of all of the lithium crystals that has been taken off the intersteller flights.

You know what really irks me–soilent green is so boring. I am tired of eating it day in and day out. You would think they would get different flavors, but it is the same old stuff day after day.

Parsecs are units of distance, not speed Guinastasia.


So, how is that soilent green anyway?

Varies from person to person, I guess… :stuck_out_tongue: :groan:

I thought this was future rants. That happened a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

And what the FUCK is with all the mutations? Huh?