Damn you Paul McCartney! Damn you to HELL!**

You were on Larry King Live tonight, which made me happy. I laughed, I cried, I smiled because I was watching you. You, my hero. My Celebrity Crush, my favorite musician.
Then you announce you’ll be in L.A. (Well, you’re there now) but in 2 days you’ll be at a fundraiser for your girlfriend’s land mine charity. (Which, BTW, I’m heartbroken that I’m not your GF).
Still, not a problem.
And then you say, “Yeah, I’ll be singing a few songs with Paul Simon.”

Paul Simon?

So you, Paul McCartney, will be performing with Paul Simon. In California.

lets it sink in
My two favorite musicians ever in the world. The two people I have worshiped from afar are playing together. I’ve often said that I would give my right arm to see either of you, and now you are playing together?!
And I can’t see you. Oh sure, tickets are still available, but I can’t be down there in two days. Plus, how could I ever afford that? I’d have to sell my soul to Satan, and I don’t even think my soul would be worth enough.
You know what would make this even worse? If you said, “Oh, and Sting will be stopping by too.” Because then I would just die. Thankfully you didn’t say that.
I’ll just go turn on my new Wingspan CD. And cry.
I heard rumors that you will be going on tour this fall. I sure hope that’s true. If it’s just a vicious rumor, it’ll break my heart.

Oh yeah, and happy birthday.
**This was a pretty weak rant, I know. But I’m just heartbroken right now.

It would make it worse if it was George and Ringo.

"Ringo Starr and Art Garfunkel perform all your favourite polka classics!"

See? That’s worse, too.

On the bright side, maybe they’ll perform “Silly Love Songs” together. It would be worth a lot to me to miss something like that. :wink:

Ahh… I remember when I got to see Roger Waters perform his “In The Flesh” tour a year ago…

What? Paul McCartney? Yeah, he’s all right…


::rubbing hands together with maniacal glee::

That can be arranged!

Oh well. Maybe you can get tickets for the Backstreet Boys or Hanson later in the year.

Mariah Carrey sings all the Rush songs accompanied by an accordian, an ukelele and a tamborine. Coldy, are you squirming yet?

William Shatner sings Guns and Roses. :stuck_out_tongue:

Eh…better than G&R singing G&R…

::Duck and cover::

Mariah Carey vs. Whitney Houston vs. Cristina Aguilera vs. Celine Dion in a quadruple death match tremelo-off.

I’d tear off my ears and fill the canals with molten lead first.

(back to the OP)

Mssrs. McCartney and Simon should certainly put on a good show. Who knows…maybe a bootleg will become available?

Guess who’s coming to town on Sunday.
No, go ahead and guess.

Paul Simon.
Guess who has to plan a stupid wedding and can’t go!
That’s right, me!
I’m happy I’m getting married and everything, really, I am. But goddammit, I want to see him so bad!
Why is life so cruel? Of the 52 weekends in the year 2001, why did he have to choose the Sunday before I get married to come and play?

Ever hear the William Shatner version of Mr. Tamborine man? Scaarrry bad.

And then there is always Boone goes Metal! Because you know all Pat Boone’s fans were like, “Gosh, if only he’d sing Crazy Train”

True: In the Boone Version, there are background singers (girls) singing, “Whooo Whoo”

If it makes you feel any better, Paul came up with a great idea. He wants to do a duet with Eminem. No lie. Look for it soon.

I recall a letter that ran a long time ago in National Lampoon:

When did Paul McCartney write Silly Long Songs?
A fan

Dear Fan:

::::hunting for whip and chains::::::::::::::
WHERE did I last put those things anyway???

Pepper, just keep telling yourself, ‘they’ll be back, they’ll be back…’ If this doesn’t work? Ummmmmmm tell your fiancee, you’ve got a great idea for a honeymoon!! ‘MUSIC honey, think MUSIC!!!’ :wink:

For the ultimate in (real) incongruity, check out Hayseed Dixie. Pure fucking genius.

Well, I got good news for me. Paul Simon will be in Las Vegas next Friday. I will be in Las Vegas next Friday. Therefore, I bought tickets to see him!

I saw that Paul said on larry king live that he likes Eminem, and said that he is “quite clever with words.” Hey, that’s the same reason I like him.