Damn you Sweden and your Damn Swedish Goggles!

Ok, sure. I may be the only person on this whole message board to know what I’m talking about, but it really gets in my craw people.

As a swimmer, I like to stay up with the latest swimming technology, caps, goggles, suits. WHATHAVEYOU. So I went to my local Speedo Store today to find “the closest fitting, smallest, least intrusive” swim goggles I could get to improve my time and reduce fogging.

I was given: ** Swedish Goggles **.

These motherfuckers cut into my skin like they’re made of unpolished glass, fog up in ONE SECOND flat and make my eyes feel like they’re being sucked out of the sockets by a horny Jenna Jameson.

I mean, YES, I swam faster…and they didn’t leak…but how much masochism do I have to put forth in my day to day work out?

Does anyone else swim? Anyone else wear Swedish goggles? Am I wearing them wrong? Am I not cut out to be a swimmer after all of these years? Am I rambling?

It’s because I’m in pain.



Oh come on, after eating Lutefisk, the goggles are nothing. The pain distracts you from having your stomach crawl up your throat and turn it self inside out in an attempt to disgorge that vile stuff. In fact, Uncle Lars recommended having hammer near by when eating the stuff. That way you can whack yourself on the hand, and forget that what you just ate would make a billygoat puke.

I just wonder what they put in Swedish Fish to make them so damn addictive.

I like the Swedish Bikini Team

I like Swedish women.

What about Swedish meatballs and Swedish massage?

And you can’t tell me you don’t like the Swedish Chef :smiley:


Does anyone else have the feeling the following conversation took place at the swim shop minutes after jarbabyj left the place?

Worker #1: Sell anything while I was out?
Worker #2: Yeah, another pair of those “Swedish Goggles.”
<Worker #1 and Worker #2 roll about on the floor in a fit of hysterical laughter>

To hell with you!

I LOVE Swedish goggles. I can’t wear regular goggles without feeling like a have a layer of slugs pressed against my skin. Sure, they take a little getting used to (they tore my eyes up at first too) but here is a tip:
Use a nail file to go around the rim and file down any places that are rough or unfinished. Most Swedish goggles have little, sharp ridges of plastic where the cups were fused together (or something) and filing them down really makes it feel better. It made me feel better atleast. Also, make sure they’re not too tight.

Another good thing about Swedish goggles is that you can mix and match colors. The world looks a little funkier if one lens is yellow and one red, for example. (Not major excitement, but when you are staring at a pool bottom for three hours at a stretch, any thing helps.)

I seriously, seriously doubt that you will go THAT much faster with Swedes on, unless you were previously using a scuba mask and snorkel, but you’re right: they leak a lot less, stay on better when you dive in, and besides all of that, they kick SO much ass.

I hope they work out for you : )

Sorry - I’m not sure what that “To hell with you” is doing up there. I think i was planning to write a more Pit-ish post and then changed my mind but didnt alert my fingers. In any case, it was meant most heartily in jest.

My apologies.

I wear 'em. I like 'em. Absoluuuuuutly Indestructable. Then again, I used to buy children’s googles until recenty because I have small eye sockets. I don’t recommend the mix and match thing, though. Made me a little dizzy! Also, they do make you go faster if they keep you from loosing them when you start! Hitting the wall because you can’t see is bad for your time, I believe…
Besides, wearing the things instantly takes you from putz-y to serious-looking in one fell swoop. (I just don’t let 'em see me swim, to keep up the illusion. They look good next to me in the sauna, on my towel by the hot tub, sticking ever so slightly out of my bag as I check in at the gym, you know!)

For some reason, the thread title struck a nerve with me. I am finally regaining bodily control and only chuckling slightly. Damn funny!

That and Sneeze’s first post opening with

and ending with a rather cheery

Probably the most (perhaps unintentionally) humorous Pit thread I’ve ever seen

Now who is damning my fine country? I just wonder… I don’t swim so I have no idea what the problem is with those goggles, but if it makes you feel any better, Sweden has a damn fine swim team for a country with only 9 million inhabitants. So maybe they’re not so bad after all.

We swimmers are testy.

I think this is my main problem. They’re either falling off my face or cutting it in half and I can’t really find a happy medium. Also, I feel like my eyelids are being forced back for that attractive, sleek, Morty Feldman effect. I guess looking good while you swim isn’t really important.

I WANT them to kick ass. I WANT to look like Pieter Von dem Hoogenband…[whine] but they hurt [/whine]. I’ll have to give them another go. I think I’ll go a little faster, because I had some crappy crappy generic speedo goggles for a while and I know that they looked stupid.


Amen to that.

Now, you might not swim, but I do believe you own a bikini. :wink:

Ahh, Swedish women…

After three workout sessions with the Swedish Goggles which resulted in the loss of THREE contact lenses due to extensive leakage, and fogging to the point that I couldn’t see where I was swimming to, I have spitted the Swedish Goggles onto a pike and placed them in my front yard as a warning to any other Swedish Goggles that may want to venture into my home.

Perhaps I have a funny shaped head…perhaps my eyes are too hot…but I could never wear these goggles for more than 10 laps without them filling with water and fogging over AS SOON AS I PUT THEM TO MY FACE.

Again I say damn you. DAMN YOU ::shaking fist::

I shall now return to my old, purple, clunky standard Speedo training goggles…and if the other swimmer’s don’t take me seriously…I’VE GOT A PIKE READY FOR THEM TOO.