Damned Women

My good friend Jeff and I were having breakfast today. While I was cooking waffles, he put on a song by Queens of the Stone Age:

“I’m your Jezebel, she said,
On my way to hell, she said…”

Suddenly Jeff says, “Wait – girls go to Hell too?”

Being a girl, I felt pretty confident fielding that one.

“Yes, of course they do,” I said, running briefly over my more rambunctious past activities in my mind, and feeling relieved that I’m not a Christian. “What made you think they wouldn’t?”

“It’s not that I thought they wouldn’t, I just never pictured it.”

Ha ha haaaa! I just love Jeff!

It’s so much easier not being a Christian.

I never understood hell to be complicated.

Women? Oh yeah, they’re complicated.

Well, only Bad Girls.

Because (to quote another song), as everyone knows, Good Girls Go to Heaven, but Bad Girls go Everywhere

It’s the wing of Hell reserved for Russ Meyer heroines, and Elizabeth Bathory*, and a component of us guys’ Hell is the knowledge that we can’t get in.

*admit it guys, you’d just have to feel if her skin really was especially soft.

Maybe, for Jeff, hell is by definition the absence of women. :smiley:

This is kind of in the same category as “cats are girls and dogs are boys”.

As far as my Christian church is concerned no one actually goes to Hell, so Jeff is half right I guess.

Another area to worry about:

“I think there is a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.” said Madelyn Albright, former secretary of state , speaking at a “Celebrating Inspiration” luncheon in 2006.

–Just as long as it isn’t that*** other*** special hell. The one reserved for child molesters, and people who talk at the theater.

I should mention that Jeff is a biker guy in his fifties, who had the sweetest mother ever. She would have been the one who mentioned the whole God/heaven thing to him. (He’s not a Christian either, though.) So I can kinda see where it may not ever have entered his head that girls, potentially, can go to hell. (Ha ha, even when they’re told to!)

Yannow. Since they didn’t used to drive Harleys and stuff.

True enough!

"Wow, that woman is hot! "

“It’s all the hellfire.”

Or, Don Juan’s version of hell: Where all the whiskey bottles have holes in the bottom and the women don’t.

(Joke told by crusty old male supervisor, in the presence of mixed company, back in the day when one could get away with saying something like that in the workplace.)

Or, the Muslim version of heaven: They never mentioned that those 72 virgins have to remain virgins!

They never mentioned why they were virgins. I find the implications ominous…

“Women… can’t live with 'em… can’t shoot 'em.” – Ivan Turgenev

Dante put some women in hell, though if memory serves, only in the uppermost levels.

Only the pretty ones. All dogs go to heaven :stuck_out_tongue:

Next you’ll be telling me they poop, too.

When women enter middle age, it gives men a pause.