Are you Going To Hell? Why?

I just read this thread… http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?s=&threadid=142217
…and it got me thinking: Jiminy Cricket! I probably will end up in Hell. It’s those damned Impure Thoughts, and of course the masturbation.

[St. Peter]
Sorry, Winston. Yup. Masturbation. You just wouldn’t believe how many souls we lose to masturbation. We might have let the Impure Thoughts slide - even the ones about your sister-in-law, but you Mortals have got to learn to Stop Touching yourselves. NEXT!
:trapdoor opens under my feet:
[/St. Peter]

My only hope is that Hell is actually a sort of Heaven for Sinners - like Vegas. Or Bike Week.

So how about you, fellow Dopers - Shall I save you a seat by the fire?

You’re not going to Hell, Winston, you’re going to a place where there is no darkness. Close enough, though.

Well, I’m sure I am, but I hoping for nother worse that the Second Circle (Those Ruled by Lust). You just get whipped around by a giant tornado for eternity. Hey, how bad could it be?

But of course. I’m pretty much agnostic. According to Christians, that guarantees me a spot. Also, cheating on my boyfriend last year (which I feel absolutely terrible about, BTW) can’t help either, nor can making out with my guy friends (almost under betenoir’s “ruled by lust” category).

I’ve been more or less hellbound since I was 13. I don’t even mind it anymore. Wonder whether I’ll get a spot in the Second (ruled by lust) or the Seventh (atheists, homosexuals.)

Anyway, I’ll see you all there. :stuck_out_tongue:

D’uh. I’m Catholic!!! :stuck_out_tongue:

I lived in LA for 4 years, so how can Hell scare me? I get to stay on Earth, cause Jesus thinks I’m an asshole, and the Devil is afraid I’ll take over!

By the way Winston, Hell is like the Laughlin Run with road construction on the way to Vegas.


Dammit, Festus! I said to round up a little posse!

In the words of one of the most saintly people my mother knows, “I’ve given up all hope of heaven. I’m just working for an air conditioner in hell.”:smiley: Let me see. I hang out with Wiccans, call Christians on their behaviour when it’s getting obnoxious, fail to “love my neighbor as myself” at least once a day, and that’s counting the days I don’t love myself much, I think there’s nothing wrong with homosexuals, and I write the longest sentences on SDMB.

I’ll bring the marshmallows.
CJ

Oh yes. There’s also that slight matter of introducing agentfroot to fencing and the SDMB. How many bags of marshmallows are we going to need? :smiley:

CJ

You beat me to it.
But I’m even worse than just a Catholic. I’m more of a cafeteria catholic. I like to pick and choose what I’m going to follow.

Oh, so do I! In fact, I don’t think Mary stayed a Virgin after Jesus was born!

Nope. It doesn’t exist. :wink: What can I say, I’m Pagan, and therefore that’s my scope on reality.

Well I was just wandering down this road paved with good intentions…

Uh, scuse me, but what’s so funny about hell? Seems to be a lot of joking about it. Personally, I don’t find hell to be a joking matter but that’s just me.

Don’t worry, H4E, There’s enough room in the Handbasket I’m in for one more… :smiley:

His4Ever, right now, you’re giving the impression you find very few things a joking matter. Besides, you’re among the quickest around here to condemn people to hell unless they accept your beliefs. What the hell? We’re going to need a lot of marshmallows, and given some of the people I know here who you’d say are going (I’m thinking of the non-Christians), I’ll prefer the company.

This is a fun thread. Please, play along or stay out.

Respectfully (in IMHO, no less!)
CJ

Well, according to my grandmother, I am. She essentially stood up at my mother’s funeral and quoted Bible verses telling my family how we’re all sinners and blahdeblahblah… I was thisclose to slapping her… then at Christmas her present was a form letter to all her loved ones who were in danger of eternal damnation (it actually said “Dear Loved One,”) telling us all how she was so scared she would be separated from us for all eternity because we were all choosing the fires of damnation over the path of Jesus… wow, I really don’t like my grandmother.

But yeah, I guess the masturbation, lust and lying and sloth and greed and gluttony and pride (I’m so awesome!) and that whole not-believing-in-God thing… guess I’m on my way down… although it’s often hard to go someplace when you don’t believe it exists…

I’ll bring graham crackers, somebody remember the Hershey bars, and we’ll have s’mores!

If you’re going to hell, there is no hope for anyone. I’ll bring the toasting forks.

I’m going to hell for…

well, there’s the swearing, the vanity, the atheism, the homosexual best friends, the drinking, the corruption of innocents, meddling in God’s realm, the evil thoughts, the lust… hrm, shall I call round for another handbasket?

Nah, we’re all set…

Circle Seven: Round Three (Violence against God)

Mostly because I rejected Christianity for atheism.