Are you going to Hell? Why?

I’m definitely gonna fry. I posted this very question three years ago, and my conclusion then was hell/masturbation, but I think getting a vasectomy clinched it. I was raised Catholic, and although I don’t practice the religion, I do have all the associated guilt and punishment paranoia. It occurred to me over the weekend that by getting snipped, I have permanently rendered intercourse sex-for-recreation. I can’t imagine the Church Fathers look upon this sort of thing in a favorable light. Anyways, times change, people change, and we’ve had some user churn on the boards these last few years, so I thought why not go again - I’m still going, I’ve just added at least one damning reason.

So how about you, fellow Dopers - Shall I save you a seat by the fire?


A seat? We’ll get seats in hell? I thought we had to stand in the hellfire for all eternity. Sign me up! I’ve got it all the prerequisites - multiple unconfessed mortal sins, venal sins, deadly sins, failure to go to Mass, personally subsidizing the illicit activities of certain newly former Carolina Panther cheerleaders, being an attorney, etc. etc. etc.

Rules rules rules. That’s why I gave up on the pope and his silly church.
I go to a nice, convenient Evangelical church now that meets in a grade school gym and has guitars. They assure me that having sex with no plan to reproduce is okey-dokey with God. Not sure about masturbation though, I can’t find a safe way to bring that up with Pastor Ronn…

In any case, if that’s all it takes to make Hell, then yeah save me a seat. Start the popcorn when you hear me coming…

I’m pretty sure my participation in the Death Pool would suffice.

If I believed in hell, of course, which, thank God, ( :wink: ) I don’t.

I’m going to hell!

-I was raised irreligious. I don’t believe in God. I haven’t been baptised.
-Sex before marriage, deviant sexual practices, masturbation.
-I use birth control.
-I don’t go in for that whole “love thy neighbor” thing.
-I vote democrat!

I’ve only been bad enough to go to heck.

I’m going to Hell because I don’t believe there is such a place, which supposedly makes sense to somebody somewhere.

Well, at some point I’ll be going back, if that counts.

Seat? No. Not even a place to stand. You get whipped around for all eternity in a whirlwind. At least that what happens in the Second Circle: Those Rules by Lust which is the circle I’m angling for.

On a more serious note, I think all hells are self made…and if I can get out of the one I’m making for myself currently, the afterlife should be easy.

No. There is no such thing as hell, heaven or an afterlife of any kind.

Well, it’ll be the outer-most circle for you, then.

Heretic! I’ll save you a slightly uncomfortable spot in the very heart of Darnation! Muuuuaahahahahaha! ahem

The Christian Hell?

Seriously, most religions are going to have to fight to get me in their hell, since I’ve probably violated all of their more silly precepts. However, I’m going to circumvent them all! I was born Hindu, and even if I don’t believe in it - I’m getting reincarnated!

Any God malicious enough to condemn people to Hell for not kissing his divine ass is no God I want to spend any time with anyway.

I’m Catholic, and you guys have it all wrong. It’s the easiest religion to stay out of Hell in, silly rules aside. All you need is a heartfelt, last minute, death bed confession and plea for forgiveness and all that pre-marital sex, masturbation, condom use and that guy you killed in Reno just to watch him die are wiped off the slate.

So get working on those pleas for forgiveness, and it’s God so it’s gotta look sincere. I’ll save y’all a spot on my cloud.

Whatcha gonna be the next time, huh?

I know. A Dolphin!

Me? I’m just pure evil.

Well I don’t really believe in “Hell”. I find Reincarnation slightly more likely and oblivion more so than that. I hope for the concept that we move on to a better place, a place we would want to be. But I don’t believe in this much either.
To answer Winston Smith, If you mean Catholic hell, then I am doomed, I would never go back to the church or make the heartfelt plea for forgiveness.


Impure thoughts.
Sex- lots of it.
Not going to church regularly (or even annually).
I was baptized but not confirmed.
Judgin’ others.
Lots more sex.
That hooker I ki-- I’ve said too much. :smiley:

Hell is 3 hours waiting on the runway at O’Hare. Been there.