Have you ever damned someone with faint praise, or been damned by faint praise yourself?
As a high school teacher, sometimes questionable students would request letters of recommendation, and even if I protested that they might want to ask someone else, I’d write them one if they insisted I do it. It didn’t happen often, but I think at least once I essentially had to damn a student with faint praise, because I didn’t feel right just out and out saying bad things about them.
So, do you have experience doing this, or having it done to you? I think it’s kind of an interesting social nicety. Under what conditions is it actually appropriate to do, and expected?
My dad at one stage was managing a security team at a museum, and one of his staff asked him for a written reference. He told the guy - who was absolutely useless on a fundamental level - that he didn’t want him to write a reference because if an employer gave the no-hoper a job based on it he might have a legal liability.
But he insisted on a written reference, and one that went beyond saying that the guy worked there and the dates - the standard form these days. When my dad refused he went to HR who required my dad to give the guy a reference - and not a negative one.
So he and I wrote the reference together. I don’t remember much of it, but it started “(Name) has been employed by (museum) in the role of Gallery Security Officer from (date) to the present and has attended work on multiple occasions. To the best of my knowledge, in this position, he has been responsible for far fewer deaths than in previous roles he has held*. (Name) is capable of fulfilling many of the requirements of this position, and has been known to do so under close supervision…”
his previous job, about 20 years prior, had been as a helmsman who caused a naval accident that killed 82.
My dad gave the reference to HR with an indication that he wasn’t willing to attest to anything more than that. He assumed that the reference wouldn’t get any further and that HR would take over the responsibility for writing a reference. He didn’t hear back, so he assumed that everything was O.K.
About three weeks later he took a phone call from another security firm who’d been given the reference as part of a job application and wanted to know just how bad the guy was.
BigNik, that’s a great story. Thanks for sharing. A perfect example of damning with faint praise.
Sailboat, I think there’s quite a difference between “letting someone down easy” and “damning with faint praise”. I think, the motive of the latter, is that you’re really trying to paint a bad picture of someone while saying ostensibly positive things, but they really aren’t so positive. Letting down easy, on the other hand, the positive things are generally sincere and meant to make you feel better, even though you’re getting difficult news.
I don’t think damning with faint praise is the same as being sarcastic.
Sarcastic is “This employee should go far, soon” as in “get him the hell away from me.”
Damning with faint praise is more like a teacher saying in all honesty “I’m sure you tried you best.” It’s a positive statement and completely honest but it’s cutting in what it doesn’t say.
Yeah, when I write student evals there is a lot of damning with faint praise going on - the most common being “I know Timmy could do better if he just applied himself more - he has the potential to be a model student” which basically means “your kid is as lazy as fuck and s/he might as well stay home and not waste other people’s time.”
I think that’s a veiled insult rather than faint praise. (Same idea as “You’re sane for a woman,” “You’re not at all greedy for a Jew.”) Still leaves you with a :rolleyes: though.
My personal least favorite is a flat “That’s better” (with an implied “but still pretty terrible”) as a judgement of something you’ve completed. Not to be confused with an enthusiastic “That’s better!” while practicing something, which is actually encouraging. Tone of voice can be a real bitch.
To the OP: What kind of things does an educator say when they don’t want to write a letter of recommendation for a student? I’ve always wanted to know.
