Dancing With the Stars will make your daughters want to grow penises.

The BBQ Pit
1

Yep, your daughters will want to grow penises and your sons will wish they had vaginas, or so says Psyciatrist Dr. Keith Ablow in an editorial for FoxNews.com (c’mon, you knew that was coming. Who else is going to publish something like this?), the good Doctor has this to say, among other things, in his op-ed creatively titled “Don’t Let your Kids Watch Dancing With the Stars”:

So you see parents, the boogie man isn’t a fantasy, it doesn’t live in the closet, and it doesn’t want to eat little Suzie. It’s name is Chaz Bono, it lives in the TV, and it wants to sew a penis on little Suzie.

I’ve never thought that children should watch Dancing With the Stars, myself, but that’s mainly because I’ve always thought that no one should. And with this new cast, only further harm can come to society. I speak not of Mr Bono, but of… (did you feel that? I swear the temperature just dropped ten degrees)… Nancy Grace.
Dateline November 17, 2011: Mass suicide death toll continues to rise after airing of Nancy Grace lambada routine

2

I’ve always said a strap-on ought to be a part of every decent gal’s repertoire.

3

If the fabulous RuPaul (who is not transgender, but who looked better in a dress than I EVER WILL) didn’t make me want to grow a penis, why would Chaz? I don’t need all that business going on down there.

4

A doctor named “Ablow” talking nonsense about penises on national tv.

The irony is to be savored.

5

I want to grow penises! What do I need to start? I’ve got potting soil and those little starter pots. Can I grow them indoors during the winter? What kind of fertilizer should I get?

I mean, just imagine the market! Potted penises! Every single hetero woman and most of the rest of the people will want one, if only for conversation value. I really think this guy is missing out on an excellent investment opportunity.

6

Football, beer, and porn.

7

You know, if I fold and tuck my package a certain way…never mind.

8

So Fox’s news content is actually improving.

9

Dancers ain’t easy to love and they’re harder to hold.
And they’d rather have a penis than diamonds or gold.
Big feather boas and hard plastic strap-ons and each night they pick a new sex.
And if you don’t change with 'em or just use your tongue, it’s gonna get really complex.

10

I was feeling sore about having to wake up at 3am for a trip. But this little gem just made everything in my little world right again. Thank you, Sir. :smiley:

11

Everybody needs a goal. Just sayin.

12

You know, I’m a pretty liberal guy. If a guy wants a vag, sure. Go for it. And I’d be fine with these daughters growing a penis too, but I gotta tell ya, several penises is where I draw the line.

13

Bigot.

14

Weird. Several penises is HOW I draw the line.

15

Not too much beer, or the penis won’t grow.

16

DWTS gives you a big Bono.

17

Actually, DWTS makes me want to gag, which comes from my brain trying to wrestle with the concept that Bristol Palin is a “star”.

18

Hey, the way I see it, they’ve managed to piss off both sides of the political spectrum with this season’s lineup. There are conservatives who won’t watch it because of Chaz Bono, and liberals who’ll boycott because of Nancy Grace. Maybe the ratings will be low enough to get it canceled.

19

Only liberals hate Nancy Grace? I thought hating Nancy Grace was apolitical, something we could all agree on.

20

My ex-gf loved that show. We were together for a few years so I have seen more seasons of DWTS than any righteous and just man deserves. It astounds me that there is a large group of people who both give a shit about what happens on that awful show and has a problem with a transgendered man and a female dance partner paired together.