According to everything I read, STDs (syphillus, gonorrhea, genital herpes, chlamydia, genital warts, hepatitis B, etc.) are at a record high. While some of these can be treated, some cannot. It also is not totally clear whether condoms can prevent infection from genital herpes.
I would like to ask you how is a healthy (disease-free) person supposed to comfortably date in the '00s? Genital herpes, for example, infects upward of 25% of the adult American population and happens to be rather insidious, as it often is asymptomatic.
I’ve posed this question regarding dating to friends, and they say I could ask a partner for a blood test, yet this seems impractical. I am willing to bet that fewer than, say, five percent of heterosexual couples get full blood workups before engaging in sex. And some of these diseases have a latency period in which they cannot be detected by blood test.
Using a condom every time one has sex is a good textbook solution, but it also is practically impossible. And what about oral sex and STDs? Has it basically gotten to the point that you just minimize your sexual activity and pray your partner isn’t infected?
Yeah, why? I’ll admit I’ve had sex without a condom, but it wasn’t because it was impossible not to, it was a decision made that took into consideration who I was with. I’ve also had to go without sex before because a condom wasn’t available…in most cases you enjoy some heavy petting, and remember to bring one next time you get together.
Dating shouldn’t be a problem. Sexual relations, though, are a different thing altogether. The ‘Sexual Revolution’ is long dead. The Microbes won.
If you want to remain disease-free with 100 per cent assurance, you’re going to have to have your date tested. I can’t see any way around that. Good luck.
My question is: why aren’t people doing this, given the documented risks? Isn’t it a case of folks basically throwing the dice?
As for my “impossible” comment, yes, I overstated. What I am saying is that, even in a committed relationship, you can never be certain whether your partner does not have a STD. Therefore, it would seem that almost everyone should be using condoms all the time. Yet statistically few do.
Well, having an STD means that a person has slept with at least one other person before sleeping with you. No more, no less. It’s not a character flaw - the person quite possibly used a condom. Also, when you say that some 25% of the population is infected with herpes and another 25% are infected with HPV, how big a deal is it really? A nuisance, certainly. Women with HPV carry a higher risk of cervical cancer, but according to the CDC most women also develop a natural immune response to it. Since some STDs are life-threatening, it is something to watch out for, and get tested for, and be responsible about. If you have an STD or think you’ve been exposed, you’ve got a responsibility to tell potential partners before any sex takes place and let them make a decision about whether they want to risk it. Too many people do stick their heads in the sand and pretend that they are invincible. Do you get yourself tested regularly, tsunamisurfer?
The only way to guarantee that you are NEVER going to get an STD is to NEVER, EVER, EVER have sex with another person.
I don’t think that using a condom is going to prevent you from catching anything that can be transmitted during oral sex - some of those diseases must be able to be passed on that way?
Some women have allergic reactions to condoms and physically cannot use them. If (for the purposes of the OP) your potential partner was allergic to condoms and also had previously been sexually active with an average number of partners, then what do you do?
I guess there’s also the possibility of the condom breaking or something like that.
The reasons may be a bit way out, but there would be situations where you couldn’t use a condom - I just don’t see them being common.
Okay, first of all, people DO know about STD’s. Second, people do know you can get them from certain sexual activities. But on the news they said that people can’t make that link that if they do those activies they might get an STD. Which explains a lot of this.
HPV is probably present in more like 70% of the men but there wasn’t any test for men (there might be one now, but its really expensive). Anyone with more than 4 sexual partners altogether is said to most likely have HPV.
Some women I know take their partner into a clinic & some don’t. Some ask for proof & some don’t. Few women even know what the proof paper looks like.
Have yourself tested—most college campuses either have clinics or will send you to one where testing is low-cost or free. They also may supply free condoms. Keep them in your nightstand. As for your partner, get to know a person before you have sex with them. Talking will give you a clue as to how many risky behaviors they engage in. The only person’s behaviors you can control are yours but you can choose wisely for youself.
I never had sex with all the men I dated—only the lucky ones.
I dated a girl that had genital warts. We dated for almost three years, and it was a sexual relationship. We always used a condom, and were careful never to have sex when she was experiencing an outbreak. I’m clean to this day. She contracted it from a one-night stand that she worked with, who neglected to tell her.
[[If you want to remain disease-free with 100 per cent assurance, you’re going to have to have your date tested. I can’t see any way around that. Good luck.]]
Other than for the purposes of clinical trials, people cannot routinely get tested for herpes virus or human papilloma virus (of which some substrains cause visible warts and others lead to cervical cancer). Condoms are also not completely effective against these viruses - that can be carried on the skin outside of the area covered by a condom. But condoms, used correctly and consistently, are very effective against HIV, and mostly effective against Chlamydia, Gonorrhea and syphilis (unless, again the syphilis sore is outside the condom-zone). Condoms are also recommended for oral sex with a partner whose status you are unsure of.
How do you know you don’t have herpes already? As you stated, a large proportion of the adult population is already infected with Herpes type 1, 2 or both, and the majority don’t know it. Herpes is more of a nuisance and a stigma than a real health risk. Certain types of HPV, however, cause basically all cases of cervical cancer that are seen, so it’s wise to avoid that, if possible.
You should avoid and minimize risks where you can in life, but you can’t get rid of all of them. Life would be pretty damn boring if you did.
Jill
Not to mention that condoms aren’t 100% reliable. Also, there are several STD’s that can be transmitted even when condoms do work – herpes, for example. (Remember, condoms only cover PART of your anatomy!)
Get thee nigh to a safe sex seminar. If you can’t find one, try your local gay and lesbian community center - we’ve been hearing and learning about it for decades (even if, sadly, it often falls on deaf ears).
As my old friend T once said, “I do not fear AIDS; fear paralyzes. I have a very, very healthy respect for AIDS.” Words to live by regarding all STD’s, I think.
That’s a new one for me, where did you read that happens? Also you do know that HPV takes many years to show up & usually the woman is too old by the time it does to have children anyway.
If a partner doesn’t ask you for paper proof, chances are they didn’t ask for it from any of their other partners.
High-risk behavior does increase the probability of contracting STDs, but so does seemingly low-risk behavior. IOW, sex with a long-term partner who is asymptomatic.
BTW, I do not have multiple sex partners nor engage in high-risk sex. From what researchers have recently learned, genital herpes can be contracted very easily. For instance, say I have “protected sex” with a female. Afterward–and if she has genital herpes–if her infected vaginal secretions get on my upper thigh or lower abdomen or possibly my cheek, then I might become infected. It does not have to be genital-to-genital contact, as I gather from my readings. Even scientists have grown uncertain about transmission modes, thus their admonition of caution.
Yes, herpes is a “nuisance” and “stigma”–ones that I don’t wish to get. Trying telling a potential sexual partner (who believes herself herpes negative) that you are positive and see how she reacts. I doubt she would be blase about it. I wouldn’t.
Sorry; I was thinking of chlamydia. However, HPV can make it difficult to bear children, since it is associated with a higher incidence of miscarriages. (See http://www.alotek.com/hpv/miscarriages-and-hpv.htm for details.)
I was confused because a nurse friend of mine did say that she might not be able to bear children, having contracted HPV.
It CAN take many years to show up, but it doesn’t have to. My nurse friend found out about her infection in much less time than that, and there are a lot of 20- and 30-somethings who are carrying the disease. (FTR, my friend was 23 when she found out.)
Besides, the potentially long latency time of HPV makes caution all the more important.
Also, a few comments regarding tests. It’s been a loooooong time since I’ve had a primary care physician. When I went in a few months ago, I asked to get tested as a “peace of mind,” type thing.
He told me that, without an outbreak, there was no way he could test or tell me if I had herpes.
It cost $60 for blood and urine. At my current rate of one sexual partner per, oh, century, that’s not too bad. But still, that’s awfully expensive for peace of mind every time.
I’m still fighting with my insurance to cover the damn tests. Hell, it’s supposed to be preventative care, right?