Well, what luckily was a comment among the things that made us break up - a comment on the oddness of my girly bits … I don’t recall if it was the size, shape, placement … but I was asked if I’d ever been in an accident or injured in the girly bit area.
I was deeply wounded and hurt and jumped almost immediately into a rebound relationship where I was quite soon assured all my girly bits were normal and my ex was some kind of demonic freakazoid.
I know it sounds weird to say “luckily” - but believe me, if that hadn’t been in there along with everything else, I’d probably have mooned after that ex for far far far longer than I ever ever should have.
As it was, the cruelty of the comment and other treatment that weekend of the break up (did I mention we were on vacation together?) as well as the start of the rebound relationship (also during that same vacation, cheered on by the ex) pretty much got me pointed in the direction I needed to be to find who I did when I did a bit later on.
Man, my heart hurts now.
I only dated one guy from my high school the entire time I was there, and even that was during the summer when no one really knew about it. Guys weren’t overtly cruel like some of you have experienced; they just couldn’t be bothered with me. Like many of you, I was kind of geeky and a little too smart, and a lot too shy. Spent many a miserable high school dance watching everyone else slow dance and wondering what was so bad about me.
For my senior prom, I took a guy who didn’t go to our school.
He left with another girl.
The one and only time I experienced love at first sight. The first time I saw her I literally couldn’t breathe for a moment. If you had asked me to describe my perfect woman… This was her. She was a volunteer at a theater I worked at. I worked with her twice and then didn’t see her for awhile. I was let go by the theater a little bit later but returned to help out about a year later. I was walking down the hall and passed two techies working on the current show. It wasn’t until after we had walked by eachother that I realized that the girl techie was the same girl as before. We ended up hitting it off and talked alot while the show was going on. During the last performance we kept trying to ask eachother out but we kept being interrupted. Eventually I had to leave to go to my own perofrmance. One of the other guys at the theater gave her my number. So after two weeks she still hasn’t called… I am actually moving out of my apartment to a house across town. The very last day I am there and literally an hour before the phone gets cut off… She calls. We end up going out. And for the next month we see eachother atleast every other day. The night she kissed me I melted and drove home singing a happy tune.
She’s also in the process of joining the Peace Corps. So out of the blue one day she tells me “I’m leaving to go back home for a month before I leave for Armenia.” This is on a Tuesday… She’s leaving on Friday.
This wasn’t a rushed decision. She had been planning on this for awhile. She just hadn’t bothered to tell me. And the way she did it was so flippant it really cut to the bone. It’s at that point that I started to realize that as hard as I was falling for this girl (I was pretty much in love by this point) she really only saw me as this nice guy to hang out with in a town where she had no real friends. She was just passing time.
I felt so very very small. Like the tiniest chump in the world.
After she left I have not spoken to her. We do occasionally exchange emails though.
I’m glad this thread isn’t dead yet. I missed it the first time and reading the problems everyone else has makes me feel normal.
Growing up I didn’t know how to make friends. I still don’t have alot of friends but the ones I do I’m close with.
During High School I didn’t date anyone. The was one girl who looking back was intrested in me but I didn’t realize it before she moved away.
After High School I tried to date some people but it never worked out. Here are some examples not in any order
Lets call her Debbie. She was not the cutest person but I liked her because of her personality. I don’t care how someone looks but who they are. I had asked her to a free concert and she said yes if she could bring a friend. I agreed hoping ie wasn’t a man she was bringing. She brought a female friend of hers who hooked up with my best friend. A few weeks later Debbie and I went to the movies, after the movies I gave her a hig, and suddently felt cold chills raidating from her. She never spoke to me after that I swear to this day I don’t know what I did to her but I’ve put that past me
I forget her name. Met her through a personal ad. We hit it off over the phone then after a few weeks we were going to meet. I was supposed to drive to her job to meet her. After waiting 45 minutes past the agreed time I went in. Turns out she went back inside after seeing me in the parking lot then left through the employee exit
Another person I met from the personals. I was supposed to meet her in the town library, a nice safe public place. When I couldn’t find her where she said she was going to be, I used the pay phone there to page her. Right after I paged her I heard the pager of the person next to me go off. When I asked her if she was so and so she said no, but looking at the ph# on the pager it was the number I paged her from
The best one in my opinion. I met this smart, intellegent girl through a newspaper personal again. We had gone out once and things were good or so I thought. I had picked her up at home and met her parents. The next day we were supposed to go to Great Adventure. I drove and picked her up again. She couldn’t drive because of a medicial condition. While at Great Adventure she said she didn’t think she could date me because she dated someone else from my town and had a bad relationship. I asked her to just give us a chance. She thought about it and agreed.
The next weekend we went to the boardwalk on Saturday and she said she would date me. She asked me to take her to the movies on Sunday. So we go to the theater by her and she introduces me to her new boyfriend who is working there. I’m so shocked I don’t know what to do.
I know I should have left then and there but I didn’t. I ended up giving them a life to a dinner and then back to each of their houses. Thats when she told me her parent’s liked me but not him and she was telling them she was going out with me and wanted me to be her friend. I told her no way and never heard from her since.
Those are most of the experiences I’ve had dating or meeting people that made me feel small. I’m still looking for the right person who likes me for me, and has some of the same interests.
Mine isn’t that bad, compared to what some people here have gone through. But, I still remember, so it must mean something.
Back in 7th grade (three years ago, almost four), I had this crush on this guy in my class. He was the typical “bad boy” and he had an earring (which my school doesn’t allow) and everything. Anyways, I was all, “Oh underneath that cold exterior is just a cute and sensitive guy.” So, anyways, this guy (let’s call him “Jack”) was one of the more “popular” people, I guess. The status quo at my school isn’t that sharply defined, but it’s there nonetheless. And me, I was some socially awkward, typical Korean math-and-science nerdy girl.
Back then, I was friends with one of my crush’s friends. I told said friend about my crush and he offered to talk my crush to me. One week later, Jack wants my phone number. I’m thrilled. We talk and “hook up”. Another week later, everyone in my grade is talking about us, the seventh grade power couple. Another week later, Jack kisses me on the lips (it was a peck on the lips, actually). My first kiss with a boy I like! I was thrilled…again. The next day, I overhear Jack talking to his another friend of his in my class. It turns out that Jack bet his friend $10 that he could kiss any girl before the first month of school was over. His friend chose me and then crush took advantage of me. I marched right up to him and told him that “it’s over!” Then, I went home and cried some.
The worst thing of this sort that happened to me was not during my teenage years. There were some low points then, but the high points made up for it - after a rocky start I ended up spending the last two or three years of high school in the ‘cool’, ‘popular’ and even ‘reasonably attractive’ category. This was many years later. I was in my early 30s. That particular day I was feeling OK about myself, I’d lost some weight, my hair was looking OK, I felt good in what I was wearing, the sun was shining… I was sitting in the passenger’s seat of a friend’s car, waiting for her to drive off. Two young blokes were walking towards us. They were younger, and IIRC, good-looking. As I was in a sunny mood I smiled vaguely in their direction. One of them bent down towards the car window, looked straight at me and said ‘God, you’re ugly’. My innards still crumple at the memory.
I had a boyfriend who told me one day in complete seriousness that I shouldn’t go out in public without makeup because I’m not pretty enough and he thought I looked like a guy.
Quote: “I don’t know whether to call you ‘love’ or ‘mate’.”
Jesus, Martha. How horrible. There is no way you can react to that sort of 24 carat shittery, either. Hopefully Madam Karma came and bit him on the arse shortly thereafter.
Sadly, took me another year to wise up and do that… during which time we’d jointly invested in a house, which I let him keep when I moved out. (Small price to pay for absolute closure, I think.)
I’ve chalked the whole thing up to ‘Learning Experience’ and moved on, but thanks for the support!
I was dating this guy the summer between my junior and senior years in college. He was a nice guy and everyone agreed he was a good match for me. I never had a relationship before so I didn’t know what was supposed to happen. It became clear to me that he was far more attracted to my roommate than to me. I could have dealt with this, maybe, even given the fact that my roommate at the time was male, but it became more and more clear that while he professed his love to me, he wasn’t at all attracted to me. The worst part was he knew that I had been through a rather miserable encounter with someone using me before we started dating and that I was very insecure. The entire thing left me feeling undesired and undesirable. It really made me believe that no one would ever really love me. It took a year for me to find someone to help me finish healing.
I really don’t harbor any bitterness toward the first guy, I just wish that he had never asked me out. We could still be comfortable, if causal friends.
