Dave Matthews = SATAN! (Also: High School Speech)

In My Humble Opinion
1

Does anyone else feel this way?

I KNOW this to be true for several reasons, all of which, for some reason, relate to my luck or lack thereof at high school speech tournaments this year.

A bit of background info: Speech is a very strange activity. In my category, prose, I perform an 8 minute cutting of a piece of literature three times in front of three different judges who then rank me 1-5 (best to worst) in comparison with the others in the room.

  1. I was having a WONDERFUL day at subsections. As I entered my last round, I noticed that a Dave Matthews’ Band T-shirt was stapled to the bulletin board. I was significantly frightened, of course. Despite the evil demon in the room, I performed quite well. After the results were tabulated, I spoke to my coach. She told me that I had gotten a 1 in my first round, a 1 in my second round, and a 5 in my third round. Dave Matthews gave me a five and almost cost me my chance at State! The bastard!

  2. At another tournament, I did very well all day, only to discover that I got a 1, 1, 5. Later in the season, I saw the judge who had given me a 5 singing Dave Matthews songs. Coincidence? I think not.

  3. Despite being sabotaged by Dave Matthews, I managed to make it to State. In my second round, I closed my eyes briefly and saw a quick flash of a man’s face. Guess whose face it was! No joke. Guess who didn’t make it to the final round! Me!

Damn Dave Matthews! Damn him although he is already in HELL!

If anyone else has strange stories of Dave Matthews sabatoging them, I would love to hear about it. I would also love to hear everyone rip on Dave Matthews. Thank you much.

2

Well I am amazed that so many females listen to him. His is extremely sexist and he whines a lot.

I think he appeals to the college crowd - he is a big pothead and The Grateful Dead are over and they werent so sophisticated anyway. So now that Dave Matthews has been around he has this accumulated following.

I went to a concert of his once (against my better judgement and shall I say free will) and I can tell you it sounded like one long boring song. At least the girls were cute :smiley:

3

A few years ago, Dave Matthews visited my friend’s wonderful little bookstore/coffeeshop. He drew a funny picture on her daughter’s hat. Now the bookstore is perilously close to going out of business. Coincidence? You be the judge.

P.S. I’m sorry I didn’t know about the tail rumor back then, or I would have asked him about it. :smiley:

4

A guy I know was upset because he just barely missed a chance to meet Dave Matthews. I told him that Dave Matthews probably would have been a jerk to him anyway. Then the guy put a knife to my throat. At the time I thought he was only kidding, but maybe he was compelled to attempt an act of violence because I had cursed his Dark Lord.

5

Listening to Dave Matthews makes me want to hike up my skirt a little more, drink some wine 'til we get drunk, and dance on the ground. I’m pretty sure there is some evil suggestions in his songs making want to do that. :wink: I’m far too innocent to come up with that myself.

6

Well, I just 5 minutes ago got back from----A DMB concert. I wasn’t real familiar with his music, but you know what? It rocked! I had a blast! I danced all night, and I NEVER dance. Got a number from a georgeous chick! I suggest,Chum, that you look to the Bard: The fault lies not with the stars, but with ourselves.

7

Well, well, well, what have we here? A post in defense of Dave Matthews from … Weirddave! Hmmmm …

8

What Lockfist said.
I’ve said it before on these boards, but it bears repeating: DMB sounds like the illegitimate bitch-child of the Grateful Dead and Sting (and “sings” worse than either). If that’s your idea of rock & roll, there’s nothing I can do to help you.
Arena rock without the songs, long boring jams, semi-coherent “important” lyrics - the worst of the late 60s updated for a new audience of lemmings. At least Phish doesn’t get into heavy rotation on MTV. At least the Grateful Dead can claim to have started a movement. Oh well - every generation gets its Edie Brickell, I suppose.

9

Dave Matthews, we salute you.

Firstly, for your completely ridiculous music videos which make no sense and feel like I imagine a bad trip.
Secondly, for your complete and utter abandonment of quality music, if you ever had a vague concept of what it was in the first place. For your “voyeuristic” attempts at “new genres” of music, produced solely for the reason that your mindless droves of terrible fans will buy anything you put out, just because it has your name on it.
Thirdly, because I think I need to hear “Crash” one more time before I die. Please??? Because I really didn’t get all I could out of it the first six hundred million times I’ve heard it on the radio.
Fourthly, because despite the fact that you now weigh twice what you did when your first album came out, you are still one foxy mama and I can hardly control my girlish impulses to roll all over your blubbery stomach.
And, finally, (while I’m sure there are other reasons to pay homage to this frat band) we salute you for your RADD (Recording Artists Against Drunk Driving) commercials, in which you quip:

When you drink and drive, not only are you loaded, you’re a loaded weapon.

Ha-ha! What a wonderfully delicious pun! And how ironic that it comes from YOU, Dave Matthews, whose cover of Rolling Stone magazine was emblazoned with a headline which read:

** DAVE MATTHEWS: DEPRESSION, DRINKING, AND HOW HIS NEW ALBUM SAVED HIM**

Yes, Dave, you certainly are some sort of role model. Don’t drink the water.

10

Did I somehow wander into the pit unknowingly? Jesus H., some of you people are harsh. Give Matthews credit where it is due; he had the brains to assemble four (five, if you count Tim Reynolds) extremely talented and diverse musicians who perfectly complement his unique voice and guitar style. To simply write DMB off as being another Phish, Grateful Dead, or whatever else is complete unfounded. Just because the same fans are attracted to those different acts doesn’t mean those particular entities have any deep musical similarities.

Are any of these comments anything but superficial criticisms which have little to do with the band? What the hell is he supposed to do about “Crash” being a popular song? If anything I think he deserves legitimate praise for producing a slow 5 minute ballad that becomes a massive radio hit in today’s quick-satisfaction, image-oriented music scene.

Like the music of DMB or don’t like it, either way it’s a matter of taste. But for Christ’s sake don’t critisize a musician because you don’t like his waistline or his fans.

11

I didn’t know I had to be profound when I was openly expressing hatred for some band. Aren’t they all just corporate puppets used to manipulate drunken college students out of what little money they have, anyway? Personally, I think they suck and I’m sick of hearing about them.

12

Last summer my best friend was dumped by his girlfriend.

Who did he turn to? He turned to the moaning Prince of Darkness, who he refered to as his “only friend”.

Soon after, the couple got back together.

I am pretty sure that he sold his immortal soul to Dave/Satan in exchange for lustful earthly delights.

13

How about 'cause he’s the devil?

14

Obviously there is more ignorance on these boards than I thought. Dave Mathews has given so much back and has done so much more than you people realize.

First of all, he openly fights racism. It’s not a coincidence that he has both white and black people in his band.

Second, quick story- Dave has a concert at the University of Virginia in the football stadium. The concert was after/during a storm and the people on the grass had torn up the field pretty badly. Who paid (out of his own pocket) to have the whole stadium fixed and turned into Astroturf? Yes, Dave did.

And finally, Dave has given large amounts of money to Virginia in order to build parks and clean up the cities.

Dave, to the best of my knowledge, has stopped using drugs. He even said, “Don’t do drugs” after a member of the first row at one of his concerts, offered him some hydro.
Don’t knock Dave till you have the facts people.

15

OK, how does he “openly fight racism”? By having black people in his band? So am I fighting racism by having friends who are black or Asian or hispanic? Or is it because he proclaims “racism is bad”? Wow, what a bold and revolutionary guy. Next week from Dave Matthews: people enjoy sex!
And is he really to be applauded for paying to fix a stadium that his own dumbass fans tore up during one of his own concerts? Bravo for him. Most promoters would make the band pay anyway. And it’s probably pretty easy to pay for repairs like that when you charge $100+ for a ticket (yeah, he’s really “for the fans”, right?)
The “don’t do drugs” thing is too funny to even comment on. Hey, thanks for the advice, God. But how else are we supposed to enjoy your songs?
Anyway, I think most people here have more of a problem with his music/voice/lyrics than anything else. In the words of critic Robert Christgau: “blander than a tofu sandwich”.

16

Well, yes. A lot of people will pay lip service to supporting diversity or ending racism; Dave Matthews is one of the few people who do it in action. Most black musicians people see are in the hip-hop and rap formats; the exposure that DMB gets helps to break the various stereotypes of black culture being synonymous with thug life.

[hijack]

Again, the answer here is yes. Racism is fought through deed and not word, so when people see you hanging out with your black friends, or Asian and hispanic friends it sends a subconcious message to other people that it’s ok to hang out with those people. Just because you’re not making a grand stand against racism doesn’t mean you’re not still fighting it.
[/hijack]

17

I don’t know if I’d go so far to say he’s the devil, but I know I hate all but three or so DMB songs. One of his minions tried to hit me when I asked if his songs sound better when stoned. (the nerve!)

Other girls I know claim his voice is “Sexy.” You’ve got to be shitting me, since when is whiny sexy? Now, Gavin Rosdale, on the other hand… some of the comments I got on another board when I included DMB in my list of “who likes this crap bands”

*Elfie- Are there certain bands or artists you just can’t figure out why anyone likes them? Feel free to throw things at me…

Jay-Z
Macy Gray
Rustic Overtones (out of Maine)
post-boy named goo Goo Goo Dolls
post-my own prison Creed
Dave Matthews Band
Whitney Houston
Rage Against The Machine
Van Hallen
Metalica
post-achtung baby U2
Leann Rimes

DMB fan 1-
[I disagree about] because Dave Matthews has this very sexy voice. Good love songs.
Rage- Music with meaning. period.

elfie-
Sexy?? Sexy? I think his voice is whiny, if anything.

As for rage, I do appriciate that they are politcal, and they have good messages to send. I just can’t stand their music.

DMB fan 2-
okay, i thought this would be a good topic…but i’m sorry…did you say DMB???

okay…first of all…Dave IS sexy…second…they are arguably the BEST live act to ever grace the stage…their music has meaning…and they have a wide variety of musical sounds and talents…and if i don’t leave now i might just explode.
DMB fan 3-

I pretty much like every kind of music, as long as it’s good. heh… What I don’t understand is people that DON’T like certain bands that I find amazing, like DMB… And how can people not like Ani DiFranco? Crazy… I don’t understand people.

Elfie-
And as for people who don’t like groups like DMB…I decided I hated them shortly after Under The Table and Dreaming came out. They’re the type of group people either love or hate, because I’ve never met anyone who thought they were “ok.” They should be happy to avoid producing luke warm responses =) *

Imagine if they ** weren’t** people who liked me…

18

I don’t understand how you can link Dave Matthews with anything evil. Dave Matthews is actually a very religious man. He openly speaks and sings about God. Most likely, the cause of your problem, Chummy, is that you’re not that great at what your doing…unlike Dave Matthews.

I consider Dave to be one of the greatest musical geniuses of the time. If you have any appreciation for real music you would understand. I have found that Dave is especially popular with the individuals who are majoring in music performance at my university…BUT maybe you think these people are evil too. It just shows that Dave is more than the average musician. But, then again, Chum probably goes for the pop music sung by Britney Spears or the members of N’Sync. Guess what…they don’t write their own music and they can’t perform live. I have attended every concert Dave has played in Houston, TX for the last 5 years, and I have enjoyed every second of every show.

Dave is more than a great musician. He has done a lot for the environment and for human kind. Although Dave currently resides in Seattle, he grew up in South Africa and Virginia. Dave doesn’t forget his roots. He has had many parks built in Virginia and has donated money to many environmental foundations. The Dave Matthews Band also allows people to record and take pictures at the concerts, although most places where they play don’t allow it. He wants people to experience music. In fact, he thinks Napster is a great idea.

I hate to say that the guy who you thought was a pot smoking, no talent spawn of Satan is actually a smart and talented individual who obviously isn’t in it for the money. You have no clue what you’re talking about.

If anyone else has strange stories of Chum sabotaging them, I would love to hear about it. I would also love to hear everyone rip on Chum. Thank you much. :wink:

19

I just wanted to remind everyone here that some of the posts contained within this thread may contain sarcasm, and as such should be viewed in a humorous light. I mean, come on now, does anyone really think Dave Matthews is the devil? He’s not nearly red enough.

20

  1. I do not understand why you would assume that, because I do not like the devil, I MUST like Britney Spears and *NSYNC. You are so completely incorrect.

  2. You are not in any position to criticize my talent (unless you are that mofo judge who sings songs of the devil, and I wouldn’t be surprised by that). I happen to be quite good at what I do, thank you very much.

  3. He isn’t a “spawn of Satan.” He IS Satan.

  4. I don’t care about what kind of “good” the devil has done for society. Of course he needs a cover.

  5. I don’t consider those who are majoring in music performance to be evil. If they feel a strong devotion to the devil, however…

  6. I never claimed that the devil is in it for the money. I believe that he is in it to spread his evil sickness to millions of brainwashed (hmmm…?) “fans” across the globe. He is in it to prepare the world for the fiery end for which he has planned.

  7. I openly sing and speak about God. This most definitely does not make me a “very religious person.” In fact, I despise religion. I just happen to like “Shout to the Lord,” okay?