If the parents aren’t going to properly discipline their kids and teach them acceptable behaviour, there are going to be issues whether the child is in daycare or with a nanny or with a stay at home parent. A daycare isn’t a substitute for a parent. The purpose of daycare providers isn’t to raise your children for you, it’s to provide care when you can’t. The role of a nanny is the same. Of course there will be life lessons imparted in a daycare setting and by a nanny by virtue of the amount of time they spend with your child, but these are more specific to the care provider than the setting. In other words, a great nanny will probably be preferable to a mediocre daycare provider, and a great daycare provider will probably be preferable to a mediocre nanny.
The theory that a daycare is superior solely because it provides socialization with other children is a bit wrongheaded, IMHO. A toddler doesn’t need to spend 7, 8 or 9 hours a day with other kids to learn how to socialize. You can do that by taking them out in public, taking them to activities or places where there are other kids, playing with other children who are relatives or friends. That’s also what preschool is for. My son has been in preschool for 2 1/2 hours a day, three days a week since he turned 3. That’s plenty of opportunity to socialize with other kids, learn how to take turns and share, and learn to take directions from a teacher. Not that he really needed to learn that anyways because I, his parent, taught him those things before he started preschool, because that’s what a parent does.
To my mind, there is no “right” answer. As with so much else in parenting I may add!
There are pros and cons with both approaches. What matters is how those factors line up with your (and your kid’s) individual situation.
I myself had an excellent experience with a nanny, and I sorely miss her to this day. That certainly doesn’t mean a nanny is right for everyone. For us though, it was necessary - the really deciding factor was the inflexibility of our professional schedules. We needed to come home late sometimes. A live-in nanny was thus necessary.
It looks like you’ve been getting some great advice here with the pros and cons for each option. For me, personally, I’d do the daycare option just because I don’t care for the idea of anyone being in my home when I’m not there. I don’t think you mentioned if the daycare you are looking into is a “commercial” center or an at home setting with not as many children. For me, personally, a small at home daycare center would be my favorite option. You and your wife need to make a list of all the pros and cons and do what works best for you. You mentioned the nanny would do cooking and cleaning. If you both work extreme hours, that may be a plus.
I wonder if you would want to do a combination. As in, while the kid is really young (say, under 2-ish), use a nanny, then move to a daycare for more social interaction after?
It can be incredibly overwhelming when you have your first and it might be nice to have someone who can help with housework and start meals, especially if you’re really concerned with neatness (though that tends to go out the window thanks to exhaustion); also, you certainly don’t want to abuse the privilege, but you’d have one less place to stop on the way home from work and probably be less stressed about paying per minute if you’re running behind (depending upon whether she charges or not).
That said, most daycares are open until 6 and if you’re really organized during the weekends, you can prep in advance and make things easier on yourselves. At this point, I’d say it’s a toss-up.
We used a daycare for both our kids and it worked really well for us. Not only could we visit them whenever we felt like it, the ladies there were incredibly nurturing and kind and had a really reliable schedule. That said, our house probably would’ve looked a lot less like a laundry bomb had gone off if we had had a nanny who did light housework, and we probably would’ve been a lot less stressed about schedules that way.
I know this is an old thread, but it bugs me that no one pointed this out:
Yes, a sick nanny means you have to have a backup, but a sick child also can’t go to daycare–but can be watched at home. Either way, illness disrupts your schedule. An unreliable nanny is obviously a huge problem when you have to go to work, but so is a kid with a fever.
We opted for nanny for a number of reasons:
-Cost - IIRC was more or less the same
-Flexibility - Daycare has a very rigid schedule, which is often not conducive to our work schedule
-Safety - Not that daycare in inherently unsafe. But we just felt more comfortable with having someone we hand-picked caring for our children.
-Health - Less exposure to other (potentially sick) children
-Convenience - The kids follow the schedule we set, we don’t have to prep a bunch of crap for strangers to lose, so on and so forth.
-Fun - The kids like our nannies and they get to do a lot of fun stuff that they might not be able to do subject to the schedule of daycare.
Also, my job allows me to work from home frequently, which allows me to observe the nannies. And it’s inconsistent enough that they never know when I might show up.
Not entirely true. Our 7 month old (girl) and 3 year old (boy) interact with each other all the time. He is constantly playing with her feet and hands, sharing (certain) toys, giving her a hug or just acting silly to get her to laugh at him. Sure, they aren’t running around playing Paw Patrol together. But there is a positive interaction there that they might not get if they were separated by age in day care.
But to your point, about 2.5 - 3 does appear to be the age where he actively seeks out other children and they appear to be “playing” together.
We were quite fortunate in that my mother came to stay with us for about four months for each of our children, essentially as a nanny. So that eliminated some of the disadvantages (stranger in the house, additional expense, etc.). I think a nanny at this extremely early age is beneficial, although it is more likely to be more expensive.
After that we moved to small in-home day cares. I agree that young babies probably don’t require much social interaction outside of a nanny, but our 2.5 year old daughter definitely thrives on the interaction (both with other daycare children and her older brother), and even if cost wasn’t a factor I’m glad she’s where she is.
The in-home daycare will likely be her home until she’s about 3.5, where we’ll likely put her into the Bellevue school district’s preschool program. We’re quite fortunate to live where we are: the school district is excellent, and has very good preschool and before / after regular school programs. There are also a lot of in-home daycare options. Both the daycare and my son’s elementary are within walking distance. I think Bellevue is where all the Silicon Valley engineers end up when they want to start families
If I had 1/8th the income of the average doper I would go with nanny. We did the stay at home route. Even though my wife is highly intelligent and educated she is unlikely to ever earn much more than a nanny.
So in the end we chose the full-time daycare for the first 4 years of my eldest’s life until she started school and her sister was born, and then we hired a full-time nanny. The nanny watched her sister at home three days of the week, picked up both of them at 3:00, drove them to various afternoon activities, and did about 10 hours of housework each week.
I would say that both experiences were quite positive, and met our needs at each point in time.
But man, that nanny was expennnnnnsive… After her full-time salary, social security, pension contribution, paid leave, meals, annual bonus, and paying the cost of her personal car it really added up. When we stopped her employment with us a couple months ago when the youngest started school, it was such a huge financial relief…
