This has probably been posted around here at least once before, but it amused me anyhow:
Why, oh why would anyone want to do that to a poor little lawn gnome? They don’t hurt anyone, they are little and cute and just so cool. You all better stay away from my lawn gnomes.
I have a weird, seriously bent friend who prefers the “dead gnome” variety. She owns three – one with and ax in the head (screaming), one with an ax in the back, and one with an arrow right through the heart.
I know she has them. I bought them for her as a gift. I admit it – I am a past purchaser of dead gnomes.
I told her about this thread. I can still hear her evil, evil laughter now.
She tells me her collection look good at sunrise, near the window, “as the sunlight come up over their shining ceramic faces.” She calls this “the blood dawn”.
Did I mention she’s weird, warped, and seriously bent? I did? Oh, good.
Cool.
This is good. You gotta teach them there gnomes a lesson, lest they steal your underwear while you’re not looking.
Beware of exploding gnomes.
Better watch out or the Gnome Liberation Front will catch up with you!
I have gnomes. Painted them myself. Mine are in my family room, they’re the indoor variety. no chance of them getting loose and any violence done to them, though it takes some time to train them to enjoy the indoors as much as they enjoy the gardens and forests. I recommend this to others who have gnomes. 
This is just a very simplistic veiw of Garden Gnome Season. There is a humanitarian need to kill off a few Garden Gnomes. What happens when your garden is over run with Gnomes? What are you going to do then? What happens when there are SO MANY Garden Gnomes that they take all the available space under toad stools? Where are the toads going to go? Are the toads going to move indoors with you? I tend to think not and I don’t even know you! And just think about this: when the toads are displaced, how many mosquitos do think the gnomes are going to eat every night? Not very many, let me assure you! Maybe ONE and that will only be because some Gnome will be stretching and yawning and a stray mosquito will fly into its mouth. Oh sure, the gnome will cough and gag for a few seconds before it swallows the mosquito but it won’t ever intentionally eat a mosquito. THEN what you gonna do? When the mosquitos take over the outdoors, what are you gonna do? Poison them? Can’t do that; mosquito poison kills Gnomes! And not just SOME Garden Gnomes. Mosquito poison is an indiscreminant killer. It will kill EVERY Gnome it comes in contact with.
You see now? Killing a few gnomes is just the humanitarian’s way of assisting the delicate balance of nature. Sure, some Garden Gnomes die natural deaths after they have live 8 or 9 hundred years. And, true, the cats get a few each year but for the most part the Garden Gnome population is OUR responsibility. If WE don’t take care of our Garden Gnome population RESPONSIBLY, there are going to be problems in the Garden. It may sound cold and it may sound cruel, but that is just the way it is. And besides where do think hamburger comes from? Well, OK, that’s something different - bad example there, but do you at least better understand the need to kill a few Garden Gnomes now and then for the betterment of ALL Garden Gnomes? I hope so.
No need to thank me. It’s my duty to explain these things. And remember; PEOPLE don’t kill Garden Gnomes; PENCILS through their heads kill Garden Gnomes.
Mike in Houston
(no, the other one)
Oooooooh! I like the new guy! Can we keep him? 
Can we share him?
You can have him for odd posts, and I’ll have the evens…
so, um, your go next!
Have your picture taken online with a gnome.
It’s fast, It’s free and you don’t even need a digital camera!