Deadbeat Dad my ass !

The BBQ Pit
101

Man o man. I think I’ll move to Minnesota. Here’s what it would be where I live (Canada). I make $100,000/pa. After tax, that works out to about $60,000. I have two kids. The guideline amount (hell would have to freeze over before somebody could pay less than the guideline amount) is a little of $2,000/mo. That’s after-tax money, and it’s not tax deductable. That would be 40% of my income, not 25%. That’s just for starters. Lets say my wife works, and she sends the kids to daycare. Well. I pay half of that in addition to the 40%. Orthodontistry? That’s extra too. Extracurricular activities? Extra. Skiing lessons? That’s extra. Piano lessons? Half of that comes out of my pocket as well.

University educutaion? Also not included. If my children go on to university I will be required to pay $24,000 a year in child support until they leave. Geeez. I dunno about youl. My parents gave me about $6,000 a year to help me out, and I had to earn the rest. But for me, the contribution I make to my childrens’ education is not optional. Educational tax-reduction/deferment programs like RESPs don’t help me any.

In Minnesota, apparently, spouses income makes a difference. Personally, I’m skeptical. Here, spousal income makes a difference to alimony payments, but makes none to child-support. I imagine that’s the general rule in most US states as well. Alimony and child-support are two separate issues. My ex makes $120,000 a year. But I get no reductions in child support for that.

Now. Lets assume that I manage to get at least some visitation with my children. Let’s say they stay with me two days out of seven on average. Does that reduce my child support? No. Even though I will now incurr additional expense, including having to keep an extra room or two for them to stay in when they visit. I have to feed them, entertain them, and so forth, but do I get a break for that? No. In Canada, they would have to stay with me at least 40% of the time to get a break in child-support.

Fortunately, I have 50% custody of my children, so I don’t have to pay child-support; but I have deep sympathy for those who do. The amounts are way out of line. In theory, I’m actually owed a little child support; but the standard lawyerly advice in this part of the world is: if you ask for it, they’ll just take away custody. You’re a man. You’ll get screwed. I’ve had that advice or similar advice from three consecutive lawyers. One of the unparaphrased versions would be: “Gender bias against males in the family courts is deeply entrenched. You don’t stand a chance.”

As for “a couple of grand” for starters to get a lawyer. Geez. Get serious. For me, had I not been able to resolve my divorce through mediation, the bill just to get a first hearing would be about $30,000.

102

Damn, things sure do move fast here at the SDMB. I’m gone for a day and this has grown huge.

Jodi,
Thanks for you taking the time to pick my last post apart. Here I am trying to kill the ‘deadbeat dad’ thing, and yet I’m stereotyping evil lawyers. Damn good point on your part. I will try to not do that again, but I gotta tell you, with stuff Minty has been posting, it’s hard. You did lose me on this point:

Quote:
Moral fault isn’t involved in the breach of any other type of contract. Besides, if my husband beats the crap out of me and I leave him, who breached the contract?

Well, in my opinion anyway, marriage is a bit more than just a legal contract, it’s a moral contract as well, I mean come on ! Were those words exchanged at the ceremony just bullshit or what ? Apparently a lot of people think they are anymore.

And for your scenario about getting beaten, that’s too sad and too easy, the aggressor is at fault, PERIOD. In that situation one gets themselves and the kids out to someplace safe, files the charges, files the restraining orders, and files the divorce. That’s a no brainer, although it’s heartbreaking that the cure to that is a lot easier to type than in is for the people in that situation to actually do it.

Minty
You’ve said some things on here that completely blow my mind. It started with your first response to me, escalated with the ‘paying for ones freedom’ non sense, and after you went to the’ sexually frustrated beer drinking dad’s at the meeting’ thing, you lost all respect I could possibly ever have for you. You have been trained to be part of the system that I bitch about, and you do a good job of holding that spot. But MAN ! Your post reinforce my evil lawyer stereotype. You’ve been trained that the system is just fine as it is and when you hear anything otherwise, you go on a well worded defensive attack, then blame the party bringing it up for the conflict. You and my ex would have gotten along just fine, you think alike.
You know the system is not just fine, it discriminates against, picks apart, humiliates, and screws over innocent people who are going through possibly the worst time of their lives, and it does it for ‘the good of the children’. If I hear that overused political byte again I think I’ll hurl. Then it was mentioned to ‘stay away from the sharks’. The SHARKS are a Big part of this unjust system. You know it exist, this system sucks.
As far as the sexism in the system, and I truly mean this as no offence to anyone, I noticed how you jumped at offering free advice to kelli, but jumped all over dewt and rysdad with knowing very little about any of their situations.
I won’t talk to you anymore about this topic, because you and I disagree too much. I can agree to disagree and I will admit I’m not a very good debater, however I can see that you are a ‘master debater’.
(Sorry, I couldn’t help myself)
Oh, and 'neener, neener, neener right back at ya.
kellibelli I am so sorry about your situation. I mean that. This thread is in now way intended to justify men (term used loosely) who bail on there families and refuse to live up to their responsibilities. Someone who does that should be hunted down like the dog that they are. I’m not sure what to do with them after that, because I just can’t understand how anyone can ignore their kids. Obviously something is wrong in that head. I did need to point out that there are many stories from the other side, as it were. I’m proud of you, you keep on keeping on and raise up those young un’s in the best way you can.
dewt/Dylan, Rysdad I gotta admire you folks. My situation is plain ‘ol F-ing weird, but I guess after what you folks have said I should count my blessings. Keep on ‘keepin’ on’. Talk later. E’mail if you wish.
G’nite all,
Kip

103

I can state, unequivocally, that it doesn’t. All legalese aside, I know from personal experience, as well as from the experiences of all of the non-custodial men that I know, that the ex’s income plays no part whatsoever in determining the amount of child support.