I just got the memo stating that we’re laying off another 1000 employees. No problem. Plenty more where that came from. Oh… and thanks for the cool “Together We Achieve” sunglasses. We have officially deemed them "uglier than the one’s at the eye doctor’. Be proud. They have definetely helped morale though! I also had an opportunity to view the financial reports from last year. It looks like our head CEO got a 98% raise and some $10 million in bonuses and stock options. That’s great! I know how hard it can be to line up a foursome on short notice. What’s it like playing a round with Tiger?
I just got back from my mailbox. Thanks so much for the “Feedback Cards”. Now I know how to give appropriate and timely feedback to my co-workers! I also agree with your “Harrassment Policy”. I was way out of line when I displayed those pictures of my family. Won’t happen again.
What’s that? More layoffs? Easy. Just throw another crap toy with a crappier slogan and we won’t even notice (“Your an ACE”, “You Can Make IT Happen”, you get the picture) . But just a suggestion. You can save money and face by doin one thing: telling the truth. How much did “Mexican Monday” or “Crasy Hat Day” cost? Chances are the equivelent to a co-workers yearly wage.
PS- That crappy application you bought that doesn’t speak to our mainframes is down… again. That’s right, this rant is on corporate time. Put that in your pipe and smoke it…
[office space voice]
And remember- next Friday is Hawaiian shirt day…so, um…if you want to, go ahead and wear…um…a Hawaiian shirt and jeans [/office space voice]
Um (can I call you Um?), you’re going about this all wrong.
What you need to do is think outside of the box. Change the paradigm and initiate an action plan that will positively impact the efficiency philosophy of the corporation as a whole at this time.
With this type of Total Quality Management, you’ll find yourself … slitting your wrists in no time, and all of this will be behind you.
Cubicle Dork Squad Member #1267464 reporting as ordered.
Sorry, try again. You seem to assert that you know how to better run the company than the management, yet you fail to put together a convincing argument on any of your points. I highly doubt that “Mexican Monday” and “Crazy Hat Day” cost a full year’s worth of somebody’s salary.
I’m also not awarding more points for a rant that doesn’t do better than the complaint generator
You are right. Definetely not my A game. I’ll try harder next time. Although, I would say that “Mexican Monday” for 8,000 make that 7,000 employees is probably pretty expensive. lunch: approx $5 x 7000= $35,000. That ain’t fuzzy math.
