Dear Jarbaby: You Suck

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Well, I’m not usually one to whine about stuff…OK, I whine all the time…but today I really, really absolutely need a big huge pick me up, although I’m not sure what would work. :frowning:

I get to work on Monday morning, check my email, and the first thing I read: an email from a literary agent who’s been looking at my novel. I’ve written TWO drafts for her, following all of her advice, (and not to toot my own horn here)…she TOLD me it was compelling, she TOLD me it was original, she TOLD me it was intelligent and superbly told, she told me I was a smart and well thought out writer, she told me that as soon as I changed two or three things we’d get to work selling it! WOO HOO! Life’s good!

That was a month ago.

Apparently this morning it’s all of the sudden…too hard to sell, not mainstream enough, too controversial, not quite polished, not quite professional and apparently all of the sudden the dialogue tags are confusing. In conclusion, best of luck in the future…you suck.

So now, after two years of shopping this f-ing book around to everyone on the planet, editors, agents, publishers…after writing it for FIVE GOD DAMN YEARS…working it to death, rewrite and rewrite and rewrite, after having two different agents take the whole manuscript, say it was great and then reject me…I have NOTHING. NOTHING at all to show for it…I have scads of letters of people saying “it’s great! fascinating, fresh, sexy, new, funny, great!” followed by “But we’re not going to represent it”

I was so so so excited. My life’s dream was getting somewhere. I was finally feeling like I’d found what I wanted to do, something I ENJOYED doing…something I was really good at, something that people appreciated. GUESS NOT! It’s office work and kitchen cleaning for jarbaby…welcome to your life.

Kids, take the advice of Homer Simpson if you’re smart:

“Never try”

jarbaby

2

Cheer up!

It sounds like you’ve got a complete novel that publishers believe the world is not ready for. I would suggest sticking it in a drawer an moving on to another writing project.

In six months, take it back out and re-read it. You may see then that the publishers are right. If so, make changes and resubmit it. If not, you may want to wait a year or two before resubmitting it.

Good luck.

3

What’s her address? I’ll go kick her!

ChiefScott(notice it’s spelled right), has a good idea. Set it aside and work on something else. Say a crime novel where the victim is a literary agent that gets stalked, terrorized and then subjected to a most gruesome violation before her death.

You do not suck, jarbabyj. Don’t even think it or I’ll have to come over there and spank you. :wink:

4

Or, it sounds like a wasted a great deal of my finite life’s time scribbling things that no one else is interested in. :slight_smile:

That’s what I’m trying, but it nags at me. I work on something else and I think to myself…shouldn’t I be trying to fix the ONE THING I FINISHED? Ick.

Thanks for the advice though. I guess it’ll get better.

jarbaby

5

{{{{{{{{{{jarbaby}}}}}}}}}}}}

No advice, only hugs. (Actually, I like ChiefScott’s advice.)

6

Dude,
You need the separation. Hide it away and fuhgetaboutit. You’ll be amazed at what you find when you re-read it.

7

Say…NOW we’re talking! It’ll be a very short story, set on the North side of Chicago…I’ll send it out with a query letter saying,

“How’s the dialogue in THIS piece, bitch?”

:: wringing hands maniacally :: BWAHAHAHAHAH

jarbaby

8

Submit it again, with a new title. See if you get different feedback. Keep submitting it till someone with a brain reads it. Keep in mind, they’re not looking for good novels, but ones they think will sell. They beleive they can actually predict what people will find interesting, despite all the evidence to contrary.

Don’t give up Jarbayj. It’s not over till you say it is.

9

Balderdash, poppycock, and fiddlesticks! You know that the literary marketplace is wholly subjective to the moment. And remember, most people don’t even get a thumbs-up of any kind from a literary agent. You’ve made progress! Don’t let a little setback crap up your goals! Move onward anyway!

It’s a good idea to try something else. Not an entire new novel, just something short and sweet to make you feel better about yourself, more confident, dry, and secure. A short story would be absolutely wonderful, and with the vitriol you’re feeling at this point, it would probably flow right out of your mind onto the page. Good luck!

And also remember this - there are people on this board who have been published and many more who have tried and failed. You’ll learn from them all, but above all remember those who have been through it can and will be very supportive.

Your friend,

dan

10

Jarbabyj, You Do Not Suck. (Well, not in that way, and if you do in any other way, that’s between you and your SO and I hope you get proper reciprocation)

Jarbabyj, your book does not suck.

Jarbabyj, your agent sucks.

I can think of two additional suggestions…

Do you belong to a writer’s group? I know that several of my favorite local authors belong to a writer’s group where they are able to get critiques and suggestions on their work from fellow writers who are often better able to communicate what polishing might be best to make a perfectly good story more marketable. That sort of input might help you decide whether you want to change your story or leave it be, and start on something new.

Have you looked into self-publishing? I have no idea how incredibly expensive it might be, but if this is your baby, and you really want it to be in front of people, that’s always an option.

-Doug

11

Glad I could help! :smiley:

12

Firstly, thanks to everyone. You’re all sweet. I’m still sad, but I guess a little encouraged…it’s kind of like someone telling you your kid is ugly.

Well, i’m not in a formal writer’s group, but I have two friends who are published authors and one who is at the same stage as I am. We all share our work and feedback and things. They were frankly all surprised to hear from me this morning, because they thought the book had made great strides.

I understand that it will NEVER be a best seller, it will never be made into a movie, it will never be Oprah’s pick of the month, but I honestly feel it’s a good book and i wish other people could read it.

jarbaby

13

Jarbaby,

      A lot of writers have trouble getting their first work published. They had to telegram King about selling Carrie - his trailer had no telephone. Clancy wrote Red October at his kitchen table after spending the day selling insurance. More than a few great writers had trouble getting that break. You're just the next.
14

jarbaby, you most certainly do not suck. I have every confidence that you will get that book published eventually. Just give it time…ChiefScott’s suggestion is a good idea; shelve it for a little while (maybe only a few weeks), then come back to it. If it still looks good to you, start shopping it around again.

If it’s any comfort, P.C. Hodgell had absolute hell getting published–and I would argue that she is the best fantasy author now living. Agent’s opinions (particularly those of scummy agents who shall remain nameless) have almost nothing to do with the actual quality of the book.

15

jarbaby…
After a couple of months of foolowing the posts here, I have come to believe that many of the posters here do deserve their production to be read by masses.
I don’t want to go out and flame about the agents or publishers, because I didn’t read your novel, but I do believe that whatever you wrote does deserve to be published.

The problem is that there are a lot of such stuff that do NOT get published, but losing hope, or losing the faith in yourself will bring down that chance to an absolute zero.

Please, please do anything but lose hope…It will be publised at the end of the most outrageous try…I am sure of that.

16

(Works best if you sing it as baby instead of jarbaby)

Rock-a-bye, jarbaby
With the big flop
When the day close
The novel will rock
When the time comes
And editors call
Along will come jarbaby
Published and all

jarbaby is writing
Five long years
We all wait here
With our patient ear
Forward and back
The agent she swings
And though jarbaby weeps
We know how it stings

GD to GQ
Down to the PIT
Small few compare
To jarbaby’s fine wit
The hidden insults
The “You suck” blight
Don’t quite make sense
'Cause jarbaby’s alright

Original Rock-a-bye Baby

17

hey Jarbaby,

Being relatively new here, i had no idea you were trying to get a book published but i can honesly say, hand on heart, that i’ve really admired your writing style and noticed you as someone i always want to read. I have no advice but i can say one thing - your writing is brilliant. I always look forward to your posts because they’re funny, fluid and intelligent:

from your “The haves and have nots” thread. You kill me with stuff like this!

I imagine you know all the stories about the brilliant writers who got turned down and laughed at for ages before someone recognised their talent. You just gotta keep plugging away. Hell, you’ve already got a fan base before your first work is published! I think ChiefScott has a good point - put it away for a little while and try to forget about it as best you can. Have a go at some short stories for a while - who knows, maybe some publisher who missed you before will like them instead/as well?

Best of luck - you know we’ll all be here cheering for you when it finally all comes together [insert cheerleading smilie here]. Three cheers for Jarbaby!

Fran

18

Is there a place we can view a portion of the text of this book online or is that a no-no before it’s published?

19

Which sorta feeds directly into my main point, which is, fuck them.

If someone tells you your kid is ugly, you do not normally think, I am a horrible parent. And my child is worthless. It’s probably closer to, You filthy product of crack-addled baboon lust. I should split you from crotch to jawbone and let the vultures pick at your syphilitic innards, but I don’t want to set a bad example in front of my beautiful child.

You wrote a damn book. You pulled form from the void. It is inherently good, by the very fact that it was created. So now you want to sell it? I like ChiefScott’s idea. Put it in a drawer, and write some short stories or something. If you can get a few stories published somewhere, book publishers will see that as a good sign if you decide to shop your book around again.

I cannot stress this enough: time spent creating something, especially in this case something as prodigious as a damn novel, is never wasted time. You learn from it, you work out ideas, you tell the world where your head’s at right now. You done good. Keep it up, and eventually, this novel will be published, even if it’s as a “recently unearthed manuscript” at the end of a long and celebrated literary career. :slight_smile:

20

Or…after I’m long dead, found in my desk…and then my ugly kids get all the cash… DAMMIT! :smiley:

Thanks for all the well wishes. I have decided to put it away for awhile…although it calls to me…

I’m working on a play I’m writing instead…further bulletins as events warrant.

jarbaby