Then you should know better.
OK, move the goalposts then - not that you moved them very far, since that is the context of the thread. Everyone here who has a problem with the OP appears to think as you do - touching your kids when they are bad is the same thing as beating them. The OP himself said “So, the options are either grounding/ no computer time, or beating a teenager black and blue while screaming for them to submit”, completely ignoring everything in the middle, including some in the quote he was responding to. It really makes me wonder about the self control issues of people like that.
[/QUOTE]
I’ll record “no, I cannot do that” into the ledger for you. Touching, physical interaction. Really nice euphemisms.
[QUOTE=curlcoat]
Oh, and physical interaction is not a “happy fantasy land”, it’s called middle ground.
[/QUOTE]
So, is the OP’s video physical interaction or beating? If a beating, why are you gooing the machine with talk about “physical interaction.” If not a beating…???
[QUOTE=curlcoat]
However, I have no idea why you would think they would have a problem with that statement…
[/QUOTE]
I don’t. I hope they’d have a problem with your poor character.
I know I said this before and got sucked into your vortex, but I’m done with your little game of semantics. This argument is becoming convoluted and stupid.
Huh? That doesn’t seem to have anything to do with what I said.
Are you of the impression that this thread is about that video? It’s not - the thread about that is over here. This thread is about overreacting to some things Lynn said in that other thread.
You really have trouble following along don’t you? Well, anyway, simply because I disagree with you on the best way to raise kids certainly doesn’t mean I have poor character. However, the fact you seem to believe that says quite a bit about your character.
It sure is. I’m sorry that you think that any parent that touches their kids when they are being bad must be beating them; if nothing else, living in such a black and white world must be extremely stressful. And it certainly cannot be a good way to raise kids, but as I said before it isn’t my problem, it will be the problem of all those permissive parents and the people who have to live with the results.
Actually, I did think this was the other thread.
You’re right. It’s because you make statements like
[QUOTE=curlcoat]
I hope you don’t have kids. If you do, I hope I never have to suffer in their presence since you don’t appear equipped to deal with them should they act like howler monkeys on crack.
[/QUOTE]
that indicate you have poor character.
[QUOTE=White Unicorn]
I’m not for abuse, but every single one of my friends that weren’t punished with physical discipline ended up being wild and out of control.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=curlcoat]
And it [not “touching” or using “physical interaction” to discipline your children] certainly cannot be a good way to raise kids, but as I said before it isn’t my problem, it will be the problem of all those permissive parents and the people who have to live with the results.
[/QUOTE]
Just for posterity.
Well, that does explain a little of this.
OK, I’m sorry but that is just funny as hell. You call me a liar and a child abuser, but because I don’t want to be around children out of control I have poor character?? Okaaay. What do you call someone who over reacts and calls people names because they don’t agree in philosophies?
No idea what your point is here.
OMG, curlcat, you actaully take the time to look at breeding lines and be a responsible breeder? You don’t let your queens breed whenever the mood happens? You think that its OK for me to keep cats in cages until they are fixed and sent on their way.
You are an evil bitch and I do think that I’d like to have been raised by you. There is a big difference between displine and abuse.
Ah, so we’re back to curlcoat not being a parent after all.
I don’t have kids. I can’t. I admire curlcat for her breeding efforts. I think that my life would be better if I had someone like curlcat helping me while I was trying to run away during the bad times.
In my case it’s dogs (only have the one cat because she is the supreme being and will not allow me to get another cat) but yes to the rest. I am that awful person who does all the health checks and matches pedigrees and strengths to try to make as close to perfect puppies as I can, and altering those who don’t measure up, instead of letting them all find luuuurve!
It’s something that so many folks don’t seem to understand, dunno why.
Never said I was.
curlcoat, do you discipline your husband?
I didn’t call you a liar or a child abuser. It is your personal interpretation of my use of the word “beat” that convinces you that I did. I did not. You’ve stated flatly that not “touching” or “physically interacting” with your children necessarily means they will become wild and unruly. That is absurd on its face and requires no argument. I also didn’t say that spanking your child is abuse or is beating them in the strict definition you are applying to the word.
But, for those who can’t fathom an alternate definition of the word beat, and in an interest of advancing the argument, I will defer to your vocabulary including the words “touch” and “physical interaction.”
I don’t claim that spanking, touching, physical interaction, or a swat on the butt (your language) is abuse or that it is necessarily wrong. My only point is that you and White Unicorn claiming that children will necessarily become undisciplined animals because a parent chooses not to use spanking, touching, physical interaction, or a swat on the butt as punishment, is patently absurd, and I used my family as an example. Note that my use of the word “animal” here doesn’t actually refer to non-human members of the kingdom Animalia.
[QUOTE=White Unicorn]
I’m not for abuse, but every single one of my friends that weren’t punished with physical discipline ended up being wild and out of control.
[/QUOTE]
[QUOTE=curlcoat ]
And it [not “touching” or using “physical interaction” to discipline your children] certainly cannot be a good way to raise kids, but as I said before it isn’t my problem, it will be the problem of all those permissive parents and the people who have to live with the results.
[/QUOTE]
*notation added
[QUOTE=curlcoat]
I hope you don’t have kids. If you do, I hope I never have to suffer in their presence since you don’t appear equipped to deal with them should they act like howler monkeys on crack.
[/QUOTE]
*emphasis added
So, physical interaction is the only way to deal with kids acting like howler monkeys on crack? Is it possible that not all children will act like howler monkeys on crack in the absence of physical interaction?
I just wanted to make note that you choose to use the pronoun ‘it’ rather than ‘they’ when referring to another human being.
Carry on.
I just wanted to make note that ‘they’ in that sentence would be grammatically incorrect.
Carry on.
I have not seen the video and do not intend to. I’m addressing the point brought up in this thread regarding the relative merits and limitations of corporal punishment.
People have different experiences and people are different. There are kids who never really need to be manhandled, and can be made to comply with expected behavior through non-physical means. There are also children for whom “talking about it” and related non-physical means are utterly ineffective methods they would disdain, but physical punishment will bring them in line. And then there are a few children for whom nothing short of physical restraint or institutionalization is effective at curbing unwanted behavior.
For every story about how physical punishment made a child hate their parents and need lifelong therapy, there is another story where an adult acknowledges the parent’s physical punishment stopped anti-social and dangerous behavior cold, and put then on the path toward being responsible adults.
There is no one size fits all when it comes to disciplining kids. If a willful and aggressive child is doing stupid and dangerous things being physically punished, even harshly, is IMO unlikely to do them much long term psychic damage. If a more sensitive child or one with more fragile psyche is handled in the same rough manner they may harbor life long grudges which will color their future interaction with their parent.
There’s no way for there to be 100% success in deciding how to discipline kids, but physical correction, within limits, does have its place in specific circumstances and with specific personality types of kids.
No, it would not be incorrect.
As to the subject under discussion, my thoughts have been well expressed by others for the most part. Like many here, I do not believe in corporal punishment, having lived in terror as a child. I was regularly hit with a cane. I also recall having bruises on my upper arms in the shape of my mother’s hands, and bleeding from the head when she hurled a hairbrush at me. While my experiences were not as vile as the behavior of the judge in the video, they were close enough that I can relate. Also like many posters here, my own parenting behavior is far different, and so far quite succesful. I am raising a wonderful kid (age 13) who has never been hit, ever. He’s not perfect, but we get compliments on how polite he is all the time.
What hasn’t been mentioned much, though perhaps I missed it, is the possible grievous lifetime effects of beating children on family relationships. At age 53, I still resent my mother, and my whole life as I child I couldn’t wait to grow up so I could move away. Every year I tried to spend as much time as possible at summer camp, winter break school programs, etc. - anything to stay out of the house. And while there are many rewards to the life I have chosen that are independent of my childhood experiences, it’s no accident that I have spent most of my adult life living outside my home country. I try to be kind to my mother, but I will never forget how sad I was as a child.
By contrast, my son genuinely loves his parents. He’s still spontaneously comes up and give us a hug and a kiss - nearly every day! The worst punishment of all for him is knowing that he’s disappointed us. He still talks to me about personal matters - like the girl at school he has a crush on, and how they got together at the school dance.
Yes, I know he is only 13 and he may very well change tomorrow. But when I was 13 … or 12 … or 5 … I did not have the affection and respect for my parents that my son has for me. If loving, supportive, tightly-knit family relationships contribute to sound mental health and being a contributing member of society, then beating your child is a bad thing to do.
So yeah … I endorse this pitting of Lynn. Her remarks suggest a level of cruelty and indifference to family well-being that I had never known she possessed.
(bolding mine)
Very well put, IMHO.
I can cite examples of both extremes in my very own family. During my formative years, I incurred more than a few ‘swats on the butt’ and even the occasional whipping with a belt, and almost without exception, the “punishment fit the crime”, so to speak.
I even got a “beating” once.
A description of the beating: Hit with a switch approx. 5’ long, as big as your thumb, tapering to 1/8" at the end. Physical effect: Raised red stripes about 3"-4" apart, oozing blood. Prevalent from the middle of my back, down to the middle of my thighs. Said punishment administered to me while wearing a t-shirt and blue jeans. The crime/offense? I got caught shoplifting at a Montgomery Wards store when I was about 13 or 14 years old, I had my younger (by 4 years) brother with me. We were taken downtown to the juvenile division of the Houston PD, to await the arrival of my Dad.
(My younger brother was not punished at all, by the way.)
By today’s standards, CPS probably would have taken me away from my family and had my Dad arrested and prosecuted for assault and child abuse.
IMHO, it was justly deserved punishment. My physical wounds healed just fine, there were no “mental” wounds, and it certainly halted an ongoing “crime spree”.
(Me, my other, younger brother (by 1 year) and a couple of same aged friends had recently taken to “pilfering” stuff at various merchants. To the point of ‘competition’, even.) I DO NOT TAKE THINGS THAT ARE NOT MINE, to this very day.
And my brother and friends decided that the thrill of stealing wasn’t all that thrilling, after all.
My (now 21 year old) son has never even had (or needed, for that matter) a whipping with a belt, he did get a (very few) hard swats on the butt, on occasion, and I can proudly say that he’s grown into a fine young man.
I just wanted to make note that you are, in fact, entirely wrong.
Carry on.
I see what you did there…
OP checking back in here (I’m female, BTW). I’ll try to keep control :rolleyes: of myself as I address that particular quote taken out of context.
For starters, **I wrote the OP about the one specific instance in the TX Judge thread, not child rearing in general. It was to address Lynn’s comments in that thread. **
One more time: I wrote the OP about the one specific instance in the TX Judge thread, not child rearing in general. It was to address Lynn’s comments in that thread.
Let’s refresh our memories with a recap of what **Lynn Bodoni **said in that thread: “Well, he didn’t need to beat her that hard, but teenagers need physical discipline or they wind up being troublemakers. It’s obvious nothing else worked on her so she needed stronger punishment, unless he was willing to send her to a camp for troubled kids.”
What I, and a lot of others, feel about this: He didn’t need to beat her AT ALL and beating/sending her to brat camp is an overreaction to the nature of her offense, which if you’ll recall was illegally downloading songs off the internet. Keep in mind that none of us know anything about the teenager’s prior behavior and what, if any, punishments were tried.
I made this thread because I wanted **Lynn **to get in here and justify her position because it seems out of character to me (admittedly my knowledge of her character is limited)
Putting the pieces together, we can see now that my “So, the options are either grounding/ no computer time, or beating a teenager black and blue while screaming for them to submit” is my rather hotly-stated take on **Lynn Bodoni’s **comments. She was the one with the contention that milder punishments hadn’t worked and wouldn’t work so it was time for a lickin’.
Personally, I don’t have a problem corporal punishment administered calmly. That was not what was in that video: that was a grown man in the middle of a temper beating a teenaged girl with a leather belt while screaming at her. Because she used Kazaa.
And I’m the one with no self-control :rolleyes:
As far as I can remember, I’ve never interacted with you on this board before. I’m not one of the “Here’s curlcoat, she ruins it for everyone” brigade, so I’ll thank you not to cast aspersions on MY character and not twist MY words to suit your needs.
I will, however, think of you every time my sister’s German Shorthaired Pointer drops a drooly, slimy, muddy, grassy tennis ball in my lap.
And we have a winner for the Hidden Pun Prize!