Dear Madam Ayah Useh:
I am sorry to hear about your troubles. Please accept my condolences on the loss of your husband. I think it is terrible that the military in your country murdered such a distinguished and noble individual. My prayers are with you and your family, especially your son Benson.
I am glad that you finally were able to reach me. Several of my friends, close business associates and family members said they had also received your plea via e-mail. I can only conclude that you were trying your hardest to locate me and had e-mailed them in an effort to finally reach me, your close and personal buddy here in the U.S.
It was also very smart of you to use various secret aliases in your attempts to reach me. “General Idi Adoub,” “Ibn Sousa Djbouti” and “Kunta Kinte” are all very authentic-sounding aliases. If you were aiming to throw your political enemies off the scent, I’d say you probably did a terrific job. Masking your location by claiming you were in various places like Zimbabwe, South Africa, Madagascar, etc. probably kept you out of harm’s way - your political enemies were searching for you in all the wrong places! Good thinking. After all, Cote D’Ivoire is a tiny nation, and I’m sure that President Bedie’s people could have easily found you in short order had they known the truth.
With regard to your 5,500,000 US dollars that needs to be transferred out of your strife-torn nation, I’d be happy to help. What’s more, I promise to donate half of my 30 percent share to whatever charity Sally Struthers happens to be shilling for at the moment. That way, at least some of this money will help the citizens of your poverty-stricken nation to get back on their feet.
To facilitate the transfer or the funds, I’d like to introduce you to a nifty payment service known here in the States as “PayPal.” Please use Africa Online (or whatever ISP you’re using to connect to the Internet) to set up a PayPal account at their website. Once this is in place, please contact me at your earliest convenience and we’ll take care of things. Be sure to use the secret code word (“SPAM”) so that I’ll know it’s you and not one of those nasty mercenaries you mentioned in your last e-mail communication.
Best of luck,
THespos
(Your close buddy in the land of the free)