Background: I’m currently working on my qualifying exam for my PhD program, which involves writing up a 10-page research proposal. I had two months to write up the first draft, which I turned in a few days early after absolutely killing myself over it for weeks on end. I was happy with it. It wasn’t perfect, I knew, but it was good, and I could fix any little problems that my committee wanted revised. At that point, my committee had a month to get back to me with requests for revisions. I had a whole bunch of family coming out a few days after it was done to spend a week, and I was in the middle of a blissful stress-free vacation when I got the email.
They wanted major revisions, as in, “take what you have, condense it to a third of its length, and add two more major sections. Oh, and you have three weeks.” So there went the rest of my vacation time with my family. But I’m over that.
This damn paper is now due next Wednesday, and I hate it. I hate it. I loathe it. I want it to die. It’s mostly done, but there’s still a lot to figure out, and my brain is just utterly rebelling. I’m putting in late nights every night in an attempt to just force myself to fight through and finish the damned thing, but it’s worse than pulling teeth. I’ve NEVER experienced anything like this. I think the changes I’ve been asked to make weaken the paper overall, though I understand and agree with the reasons for it. And the stuff I’ve been asked to add is stuff I don’t know a lot about or have a lot of interest in, and it all just feels like the focus is shifting in the wrong direction and BLAH. There’s also the fact that apart from that half-week with my family, I’ve done nothing but stare at this stupid thing for the better part of three months now - a quarter of a year - and I would literally rather be doing ANYTHING else. Which is a really bad thing in the computer age, where my main work tool is also my main unlimited supply of fun and distractions tool. Oh, did I mention that if I don’t have a paper turned in Wednesday that my committee finds acceptable, that I’ll be kicked out of school with no way to support my family of four? And dog? No pressure.
OK, the odds of that are slim, I admit, but still. I HATE THIS PAPER.
Back to work.