Dear ‘pet psychic’

Go fuck yourself. Sideways, with a rusty claw hammer.


[Background] My cat disappeared last weekend, while it’s possible he ran off during some fireworks that were going off a few kilometres away I have a bad feeling our neighbour has done something to or with him – either caught and killed him or taken him out and dumped him away from the urban areas. [/Background]

I can’t prove that he is responsible so this pit isn’t about him.

Just in case Nimitz **did **get spooked and run away I’ve put up posters, notified the local vet & RSPCA and put up a notices on the lost & found section of a few local message boards.

Today I got an email from one of the message boards. When I saw it I had a short surge of hope that someone had found my cat or at least seen him and I may have a chance to track him down.

But no, some prick calling themselves a ‘pet psychic’ was offering to make contact with my missing moggie (for a fee of course, always for a fee) and let me know his condition and give me a description of his surroundings.

Dammit I’m pissed off right now. To get a small bit ray of hope and then have it taken away by some god damned, worthless, knot-hole fucking charlatan is just the perfect finish to my crappy week. Explaining to my 4 year old that one of our cats may be gone for good isn’t a fun task - getting him to sleep the last few nights has been worse.

What kind of miserable sack of shit tries to take advantage of a families misfortune like that? I can’t even imagine what it’s like for a family who has lost a child to get these arse-sucking maggots crawling around trying to exploit them for profit.

Arseholes. The lot of them. :mad:

Did you reply to the email? Because that sounds like an excellent opportunity to vent some of your feelings.

Sorry to hear about your pet, and yeah. Bloody scum-sucking parasites. Might be worth reporting the contact to the places where you posted the notice. Not sure what, if anything, they could do, but maybe they would if they’ve noticed someone coming in regularly and writing down details of all the lost pets.

Write back and tell him you’re a human psychic and the spirits have informed you he’s a lying piece of shit.

Woa, have you confronted the neighbour? There is a pit thread going right now where I told exactly that story: Psycho Neighbour had Nice Neighbour’s cat put down while they were away.

I hope your cat finds its way back to you!!

And yeah, fuck pet psychics preying on people like that. It’s disgusting.

Where there are buyers, there are sellers. And people buy that psychic shit hook, line and sinker every friggin’ day in this country. So of course these dopes are going to cast a wide net. I’d bet if this guy offered his services to ten random pet owners, eight of them would part with there money as well as their pets.

  1. Steal Cat
  2. Lock up cat for a while
  3. Wait for owner to place adds/signs/etc
  4. Contact owner - Claim to be a psychic
  5. Tell owner that cat said it got lost but should be home soon
  6. Collect money
  7. Return cat to doorstep in the middle of the night

This is why it’s important for a pet owner to develop a psychic bond with their pet before it runs away.
But if the cat is wearing a tinfoil hat, a professional isn’t going to have any better luck.

The South Park episode “Biggest Douche in the Universe” sums up my feelings about these psychics.

I hope your cat shows up safe and sound Battle Pope.

The universe is telling me that this “psychic” is not a scam artist, but truly believes they have real powers. My “psychic” friends are my cite.

Pet Psychic?

 Psychics make lousy pets. They are expensive to feed and are constantly needing attention.   ;)

  Regardless, I have actually known a few, and as odd as it may sound, many are not purely con artists, but really believe that they have some sort of paranormal powers.

 Not that that is any help to you, but that sort just makes me roll my eyes rather than full ire.  What you may have here is the equivalent of the guy who overhears you talking about legal problems at a restaurant and feels the need to interject with his "expert" opinion.  

I wish you the best with the cat and hope he comes back. I know how upset I would be if my little Jabberwock got lost.

If they truly thought they had powers, they’d offer to only take their fee if the advice actually led to the return of the cat. Wishy-washy “description of its surroundings”? Pfft.

I suspect the business model is a bit more streamlined, i.e. steps 3-6 only.

There are truly psychic pets. They can predict with frightening accuracy where I’m going to step next, and manage to put themselves in that exact spot.

My cat manages to know which tool I’m going to need, next, and lays on it.

Cats also have the power of levitation. Drop a cat into a full bathtub and they will shoot straight to the ceiling. I suspect that if you had no ceiling, they would shoot straight into space. I’m in the process of designing a cat-powered rocket, which could be suspended over a small lake just before liftoff.

8. Buy a whole butcher shop with the proceeds.
9. Eat the entire contents of the butcher shop.
10. When the cats decide to get their revenge, they will put a funnel down your unprotesting throat, and pour in a 55-gallon drum of gravy.

… sooooo not clicking on that YouTube link, kaylasdad99.

LOL thanks tdn the visual on that just made my day :slight_smile:

I must say, if you’ve never seen that cartoon, your childhood was what we used to call “underprivileged.”

Don’t worry, it’s really quite safe.

That was actually quite disturbing. :eek:

Don’t forget the gravy!