Dear producers at CNN, FNC, and MSNBC.

The BBQ Pit
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Dear producers at CNN, FNC, and MSNBC,

As national/international news outlets, you really should cover news that affects your entire market. You give too much time to covering fairly mundane stories in New York, but I’ll give you a pass on that. Since you have all learned from Uncle Rupert that hot chicks can read a teleprompter as good as anyone, I am prepared to let a lot of little complaints go unvoiced.

24 hours per day is a lot of time, I know. But how about background pieces on the various places we are at war in? (Or soon will be.) How about in-depth interviews and analysis stories about the various issues that will influence voters this election? How about a 6-hour block of Laurie Dhue or Rudi Bakhtiar in a bikini? It’s a big world, and there are plenty of stories to cover.

But the following ‘stories’ are not newsworthy on an national/international outlet. Not even a little. The National Enquirer and various other tabloids cover these stories for any drooling moron that is interested. Do not insult the word ‘news’ by airing any more stories about the following:

-The ‘Scott Peterson’ case is not newsworthy.

-The ‘Kobe Bryant’ case is not newsworthy.

-The ‘Micheal Jackson’ case is not newsworthy.

-The ‘Martha Stewart’ case is not newsworthy.

-The ‘Robert Blake’ case is not newsworthy.

-The ‘Jayson Williams’ cae is not newsworthy.

Consider this a cease and desist order from airing those 'stories any more. And if you flash a ‘news alert’ (I’m looking at you, Rupert) when the charges in some case are being filed, I will skull-fuck your kitten and nail it to your front door.

Regards,
Brutus

P.S. TLC and TDC, I give not a single damn about some knuckle-dragger that makes motorcycles or redecorating my house for three dollars. Get back to your roots: Science-ish stuff.

P.P.S. THC, good job.

P.P.P.S. SciFi, would it kill you to stop airing ‘John Edwards’? If it does not, I will. Stop it. Give me a wonderfully cheesy science fiction movie from back in the day. Give me Farscape or more SG-1. But do not give me some whitebread Madame Cleo.

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John Edward.
You’re welcome.

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Praise Jah, Brutus has written an OP with which I agree wholeheartedly! Preach it!

I understand the exigencies of the marketplace and the eternal maxim that “if it bleeds, it leads”–I’m not blind to the demand for 21st-century bread and circuses–but come on, Laci Peterson’s murder is not freakin’ newsworthy!

Of course, Brutus might want to rethink his position–keeping the public doped on trivia and away from real news and analysis is key to getting Bush elected. If news channels were to explain what the federal government is really doing, it would be the end for the GOP.

And I wish the group that owns Sci-Fi would hire programming directors who understand science fiction. Bring back Sci-fi Buzz and the retro shows on Friday nights like Tales of Tomorrow, Thriller, and Science Fiction Theater.

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John Edward always on the sci-fi channel? WTF?

They should start a wanker channel for him and the rest of the charlatan breed.

News over here isn’t as bad but it’s getting there and quite quickly(Is the news bunny still alive?). Rupert and his ilk are diluting the media and the people seem to just lap it up.

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Brutus watches such classy and intelligent things as Farscape or SG-1? Whoa.

I completely agree with the OP. I’m a hard-core news junkie, but nothing makes me turn the channel faster than a trial. I’m sure someone will be around to make the populist argument.

While I’m here, fuck you Bill Hemmer! You patronizing, snide little man.

I can’t necessarily blame the news outlets… Take the Martha Stewart case. The government is running to the press with “We’re bringing down the bitch!” and Martha Stewart is running to the press screaming, “The government is after me because I’m a celebrity!”

I see that as different than a reporter going in, looking at the case law, looking at the evidence, looking at the socio-economic factors, and doing a story. But who would watch that? Perhaps more importantly, who would benefit from it politically?

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Amen regarding TLC and TDC. Wish these channels would have more legitimate science, no shows about crop circles (unless to debunk them) and such. Let’s include ESPN- poker is not interesting on television. Also Game Show Network- show more classics and less of your original shows. Unless you get Kennedy to host Friend or Foe topless. Hey Nick at Nite- get Rosanne’s fat butt off the air.

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It’s important to judge the idea and not the person so I will say that I agree completely, Brutus. Cable News is a double-edged sword. When there’s something actually going on, they can devote a lot of time to it. But usually, there is NOTHING going on, so they have to invent something newsworthy to fill their airtime with.

I’d like to add a request, directed at Fox but applicable to all stations: Please stop putting “Terror alert: HIGH” on every screen. It’s not the freaking time and temperature. It’s not going to change every hour. Changes in it will be marked by much fanfare.

Besides, if you keep reminding people of it, how am I ever going to sell my down-home, country-style do-it-yourself “terror alert” meters? I’ve got two styles in mind. One, a wooden frame that says “Today’s terror alert is” and you hang the appropriate color tile below. Or, if you want to see ALL the colors, one with the color tiles in descending order and a figurine of your choice to hang next to the correct color (figurine ideas so far: a cat, a dog, Uncle Sam, Toby Keith, Saddam with the beard, and Dr. Phil).

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Oh, I would; he is yummy!

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Last week (or so), I’m sitting at the computer, playing at world domination in some game or other. I have Fox News on my smaller TV.

Fox News Alert, along with the ominous sounding ‘gong’!

Eeegads, methinks! The terrs have nuked DC or slammed a plane into the Eiffel Tower. Maybe India and Pakistan have gone nuke on each other. To interrupt the daily schpeel with an alert, well, by golly, it’s gotta be big, right? They showed some court functionary carrying some packet of papers from a car into a building. I shit you not, nothing else. Something to do with Jackson.

At that moment, I would have decided to live a thousand lifetimes under the sorry reign of a Democrat, if only these damnable Enquirer-esque stories would just go away, permanent-like.

I watch a lot of news, and I used to like feeling all superior to the mouth-breathers that watch ‘Friends’ and whatnot. Hah! I am learning more about the world around me, keeping up with current events, while they follow the idiotic journeys of Will and Grace! No more. You cannot watch any of the cable news networks for any length of time and not be exposed to crap that is at least as bad as ‘Access Hollywood’ and the like. Feh.

A quick note about SG-1: Great show, with a brilliant concept that will keep it viable for quite some time, I hope. But a quirky little thing that I love about the show is the gear that the teams wear. It is spot-on. ELCANs on the M240G. ACOGs, Aimpoints, and Eotechs on their various weapons. Et Cetera. They must have a good technical advisor, because the military element of the show is very believable. (To me, at least.) It wouldn’t make up for a lack of plot (which it doesn’t have to), but it greatly enhances the show, IMO.

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Whoa, Brutus. Lets not get crazy here. Nothing could be worth so high a price.

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Oh, absolutely. I’ve looked at a lot of SG-1 stuff for a summer con (I always go as some sort of buff sci-fi gunner), and the best part is the legitimacy and realism of the gear. It is a good bridge between militaryphile and pansy geek. Makes me feel more important, somehow, that I have a proper M9 bayonet.

And CNN does the same thing too. The bright red banner at the top of their page always makes my heart leap, until I read “BREAKING NEWS: Michael Jackson gets out of car.” :smack: Ahhhhhhhhh!

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You may well be preaching to the choir, Brutus, but nonetheless I am glad you are saying it!

You know what we could use on cable? A … now get this … a news station … I wonder if that will ever happen?

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Brilliant.

As far as the OP, don’t they refer to it as “infotainment”?

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I assume you are kidding about this but I have to say that if I were to encounter something like this I would buy one for myself and probably two or three more for my friends with great senses of humor.

MeanJoe

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You 'merkins are not alone in this: Sky News (also Murdoch-owned) makes a habit of making a story when there is none, or where their cameras happen to be. The screaming headline accompanied by a roaring sound as if a large arrow were striking the screen. Stuff like:

BREAKING NEWS: Queen “trips slightly” on rucked carpet

Upsettingly, most of these stylistic annoyances (including “The News Wall” :rolleyes: ) were introduced during 9-11 and the days following it, when those arrows were quite often horrifyingly important, but they have remained.

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I’m with ya. Last weekend CNN aired a half-hour special on the American Soldier for Time’s Person of the Year. They showed footage of American soldier’s interacting with Iraqis, some positive, some negative. They weren’t the same 2-second stock footage clips they show for every fricking story. It was fascinating to see what it was like in everyday Baghdad. Why the fuck can’t they show some slice of life stories of soldiers and Iraqis?

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BTW, I think John Edward was just cancelled, according to the e-Skeptic newsletter I got this morning.

The next time we’ll see him on TV will be him handing over his “Biggest Douche In The Universe” crown to his year’s winner, I suppose.

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Christ, CNN was lucky the military and Shrub’s minion’s allowed them to film unmolested in Iraq for 10 minutes, let alone the 25+ hours they probably shot for the piece.

'Course it was only 1/2 an hour.

As for John Edward, it’s funny. His show used to be on in semi-prime time on the Sci-Fi channel if I remember correctly 7:00-8:00 ish. Then he got his syndicated tv show.

Then things started blowing up in his face and his talk show disappeared, at least around here and his show on Sci-Fi was on late at night.

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As I’m reading this, CNN has been airing ‘Breaking News’… There has been a venue change in the Laci Peterson case! It has been moved from wherever the hell it was to wherever the hell it will be now!

Wolf Blitzer is doing heavy analysis with no less than three legal experts plus a couple of guys on the phone. And look at that! Stock footage of a judge! Wait… He’s reading something! No… He’s WRITING something! Oh, maybe not. He’s just using his pen to follow the lines on the page. We almost had a moment of drama there.

My god, this is unbelievable. Oh, and they just announced that tonight’s Larry King is going to have a ‘complete analysis’ of the venue change, complete with a ‘full panel of experts’.

Okay, I can sort-of understand the Michael Jackson and Martha Stewart things. At least they are national figures. But what the hell is it with this Laci Peterson crap? It can’t be just that she was pretty - even here in peaceful Edmonton we have pretty young women turn up dead occasionally, and often it’s the husband who did it. I’m sure cases like the Laci Peterson one happen almost daily somewhere in North America. So what the hell?

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The was another thread good thread on the Laci phenomenon, but I think we eventually chalked it up to her being an attractive white rich female.