I do not like the answer that you gave me, therefore it must be wrong. Although you have 10 years of experience in Technical Support, 5 of which are supporting this product and although I just installed the program yesterday (with your help, because placing the CD in the tray and clicking the Next button 2 times is so very difficult) I am a Big Important Middle Manager™ and therefore know best.
Obviously, even though I have only recently acquired the cognitive skills to get to the bathroom before I piss my pants, and although I put of dealing with things until they are an emergency, I am ever so much smarter than you.
In fact, I didn’t call to get help with my problem at all. I just thought that it would be fun to not listen to someone for a wile.
Ah you forgot the part about the customer “having more experience with software than anybody you’ve ever known or will know.”
Yeah, I had a guy tell me that during my brief stint doing tech support.
Yeah, I was in a room full of geeks, most of whom had been around since the early days of computers.
Yeah, he still apparently knew what was best, which is why he called me.
Oh man I hate those bitches. The ones thawho, if they are to be believed, can code software with a telepathic UI but don’t know what the cup holder is for. Grrrrr!
My husband just got a humdinger not 20 minutes ago. A caller told him he was stupid (oh, bad move). My husband replied that if he was the stupid one, why was the guy calling him for tech support? Some people never cease to amaze.
One time, when I worked for Dish Network technical support, I had a guy who said he was a retired Lieutenant Colonel with the CIA and a Mormon High Priest, and his wife was an attorney with the FCC. Of course, everyone who calls is either an attorney, an electrical engineer, or a close, personal friend of the CEO (yet they always called me instead of him.)
Customer: Hello, I’m trying to install the Bushes’R’Us catalog, and it says to click on a bush to install, and the fucking bush… Duffer: Why do you hate America?!?!
Oh man I hate that as well! What is worse, our Sales department falls for it every time. We have a demo of our software that has limitations built in. If I had a dime for every time that someone talked sales into a fully functioning “evaluation copy” used tons of Tech Support and then, once they finish their project" failed to buy I would be a rich man.
Oh, duffer I am thinking happy thoughts for you. On the one hand, I don’t think that I would wish tech support on my worst enemy most days, but on the other if you do wind up working tech support I look forward to many amusing rants in the Pit.
Did I ever post the story about the guy who emailed me asking for SEQUEL because someone had told him that SEQUEL was the best way to access the financial data and how he wanted me to come by and install SEQUEL on his machine?
A week ago we asked you to fix a problem that our misconfiguration of the system has caused. You gave us the choice between two solutions*:
A quick fix that won’t cost us any money but will slow down the system, but at least it will run.
Fix the misconfiguration, which will require us to do work and cost us money, but will resolve the issue permanently.
As you may recall, we approved the first choice.
We’ve had a 3 hour meeting this morning and decided that we’ve changed our minds. We now want the “won’t cost us any money” part from #1 but the “will resolve the issue permanently” part of #2.
It would be super if you could have it done by 5 PM Friday, despite the fact that the people in Europe have next Monday off and nobody will even look at it until Tuesday at the absolute earliest.
Toodles!
P.S. - We’re leaving for Tahoe in 5 minutes. Please direct any questions to Bob Doesntworkonthisprojectandwillhavenocluewhatyourtalkingabout at extention x6666
We were horribly confused when you said that the first option was “a temporary fix”. We don’t know what that means. Is that something like how we have to periodically replace the duct tape holding the door to the data center together? And why would we need to do #2 if we’ve already done #1, you silly goose?"
