A word about the facilities, please? I know that most of you, being well over the age of potty-training have at some point been taught how to use the facilities, but it seems you need a refresher course.
First of all, let’s get a few things about me out of the way.
I sometimes have to poop at work. I don’t try to hold it in, because I know that there is a perfectly good toilet (8 of them, actually – well, ok, the one is not so “perfect” but it does usually work) here at work that I can use. Poop stinks – that’s how it works. When you walk into a bathroom, what, exactly do you expect to smell – rosewater and lilacs? Seriously, if it smells like poop in the bathroom, by all means, be grossed out, but do you honestly have to say “oh my gawd, it stinks in here!”? Of course, I point this out as it was not my poop you were smelling, but the older lady’s (who was standing right beside you washing her hands). Do you have any idea how rude – and ignorant – your comment was?
I am not germophobic. Honestly. But – and this is a big but – I do not use a toilet that is still running/has just been flushed. Even in my own home, with my own family. Call me weird, but I don’t like having your microscopic shit and piss droplets touching my girly bits. If I walk into a stall that you just vacated, realise that the toilet is still running and walk out to find another stall, do not look at me as if I just called you the Whore of Babylon. It’s nothing personal – I don’t want anyone’s waste droplets hitting my girly bits. Get over it.
Now, on to the important things you need to know in general about using a public restroom.
If there are more than 2 stalls and less than 3 people in the bathroom, it is bad form to choose the stall right next to someone else. Seriously, when there are 8 stalls and you and I are the only ones in the bathroom, please pick the stall 2 doors down, at the very least. I do not want to hear your very intimate sounds, kthnx!
Do not speak to me if either a) I am in the stall doing my business or b) you are in the stall doing your business. Oh, and if c) you are in a stall doing your business and I am in a stall doing my business, this goes triple – do not frickin’ talk to me! Honestly, all men know this rule, why is it so hard for you women to get it?
I said before that I am not a germophobe. I don’t eat anything you people cook, and I don’t have to touch many things that you touch, so I am not so worried about whether or not you wash your hands, but let me tell you this: I make a point of looking under the door to see your shoes if you either a) don’t bother washing your hands, or b) only pretend to do so. How do I know that you’re only pretending? Because it takes more than 3 drops of water to get soap off your hands if you’re actually washing them – turning the water on and the right off tells me you couldn’t possibly have washed your hands. Also, for those who figured out to leave the water running for a minute, there is a difference in how it sounds when one dries wet hands with a paper towel (these are those brown ones that have a distinct sound, BTW) and when one just wipes dry hands on it. Trust me, I have dog hearing, I know the difference. Seriously, people, why pretend? You want others to think you care about personal hygiene, when you don’t? Why? If you go to the trouble of turning the water on, why not just flippin’ wash your hands?
That all being said, don’t be offended that I don’t eat your pot-luck offerings, I just find you all disgusting. Have a nice day!