Dearest Coworkers: (not quite pit-able)

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

A word about the facilities, please? I know that most of you, being well over the age of potty-training have at some point been taught how to use the facilities, but it seems you need a refresher course.

First of all, let’s get a few things about me out of the way.

I sometimes have to poop at work. I don’t try to hold it in, because I know that there is a perfectly good toilet (8 of them, actually – well, ok, the one is not so “perfect” but it does usually work) here at work that I can use. Poop stinks – that’s how it works. When you walk into a bathroom, what, exactly do you expect to smell – rosewater and lilacs? Seriously, if it smells like poop in the bathroom, by all means, be grossed out, but do you honestly have to say “oh my gawd, it stinks in here!”? Of course, I point this out as it was not my poop you were smelling, but the older lady’s (who was standing right beside you washing her hands). Do you have any idea how rude – and ignorant – your comment was?

I am not germophobic. Honestly. But – and this is a big but – I do not use a toilet that is still running/has just been flushed. Even in my own home, with my own family. Call me weird, but I don’t like having your microscopic shit and piss droplets touching my girly bits. If I walk into a stall that you just vacated, realise that the toilet is still running and walk out to find another stall, do not look at me as if I just called you the Whore of Babylon. It’s nothing personal – I don’t want anyone’s waste droplets hitting my girly bits. Get over it.

Now, on to the important things you need to know in general about using a public restroom.

If there are more than 2 stalls and less than 3 people in the bathroom, it is bad form to choose the stall right next to someone else. Seriously, when there are 8 stalls and you and I are the only ones in the bathroom, please pick the stall 2 doors down, at the very least. I do not want to hear your very intimate sounds, kthnx!

Do not speak to me if either a) I am in the stall doing my business or b) you are in the stall doing your business. Oh, and if c) you are in a stall doing your business and I am in a stall doing my business, this goes triple – do not frickin’ talk to me! Honestly, all men know this rule, why is it so hard for you women to get it?

I said before that I am not a germophobe. I don’t eat anything you people cook, and I don’t have to touch many things that you touch, so I am not so worried about whether or not you wash your hands, but let me tell you this: I make a point of looking under the door to see your shoes if you either a) don’t bother washing your hands, or b) only pretend to do so. How do I know that you’re only pretending? Because it takes more than 3 drops of water to get soap off your hands if you’re actually washing them – turning the water on and the right off tells me you couldn’t possibly have washed your hands. Also, for those who figured out to leave the water running for a minute, there is a difference in how it sounds when one dries wet hands with a paper towel (these are those brown ones that have a distinct sound, BTW) and when one just wipes dry hands on it. Trust me, I have dog hearing, I know the difference. Seriously, people, why pretend? You want others to think you care about personal hygiene, when you don’t? Why? If you go to the trouble of turning the water on, why not just flippin’ wash your hands?

That all being said, don’t be offended that I don’t eat your pot-luck offerings, I just find you all disgusting. Have a nice day!

2

This makes me so happy that we have one-person bathrooms here.

I know these pale in comparison to yours, but, folks here:

If you flush your tampons (which you shouldn’t), be sure everything actually flushes all the way before walking away. Same goes for shit, piss and toilet paper.

If you insist on peeing on the seat, wipe it up.

If you’re in there and I knock, please say “Yes” or “Occupied” or something so I don’t rattle the handle.

More importantly, if you knock, wait longer than a nanosecond for me to say “Yes” or “Occupied” before furiously rattling the handle.

Finally, I’d rather smell the vague remainder of someone’s poop than choke on the gallon or Lysol or “organic all natural orange spray” you’ve emptied into the air. I appreciate the attempt to clear the air, but one or too modest sprays is quite enough.

3

I’ll agree that the ‘stinks’ comment was rude, but beyond that I think you’re the problem. You say you’re not “germophobic”, but you go on to list somewhat bizarre behavior. You make a point of spying on people to see if they, properly, wash their hands (according to your specifications), you won’t eat food prepared by co-workers and you have specific rules about how you’re to be deferred to in the bathroom, I’m thinkin’ Diva here.

4

Diva, I am not, but go ahead and think it if you want. I definitely want to know who is and isn’t washing their hands, because trust me, I will not be allowing them to use my ink pens, phone, computer or various and sundry other work items. If that’s bizarre to you, then just remind me to never eat your cooking, either.

While I do admit that my personal preference of not sitting my girly parts down amongst the still spewing forth and flying through the air piss/shit particles may actually be counted as bizarre, I really don’t see anything else odd about my preference that people refrain from groan"hey, Litoris"fart, splash"have you had any big orders today?"groan, pfffffffffffffffffffft Yeh, sorry, if not wanting to have conversations with people while they’re voiding makes me a diva in your world, then so be it. I guess every man I’ve ever met is a diva.

As for washing their hands “to my specifications” – uh, yeh. Wow. Just wow. I am laughing too hard at being called a diva to even really want to respond. Thanks, A.R.Cane I needed a good laugh tonight. I hope you have a great night yourself.

5

Women think about this? :confused: I thought that was just a male urinal thing.
I only have one complaint about the other women who use the bathroom on my floor at work: If you piss on the seat, wipe it the fuck away you skanky hovering twatwaffle. I am not going to clean up after you, and if I see you walking out of the stall and then see piss on the seat, I will call you out on it.

And let’s not talk about the time someone shat on the back of the seat itself, and the left the whole mess there.

6

Perhaps you might mention the need for additional ventialtion to management? Or you could ask her to check that the extractor fan is working?

7

Maybe it is me but I never pay that close of attention to what others are doing in the restroom. I go in, do my business, wash my hands and leave. I do have bathroom shyness though. I prefer to be in there alone.
It became so bad at my work place they put signs on the inside of the stall doors to remind people to flush twice if needed, wipe up any left over urine, shit, blood or anything else left on the seats.

There are also signs on the little boxes that hold paper bags used to wrap and dispose of femine products, “please use one bag for each use, wrap and dispose”. The sign was needed as someone was placing their used product in the bag then instead of placing in the trash can they were putting the bag back in the little box with the fresh bags.

Who the hell does this? Are people so stupid that these sort of signs are even needed.

We had two private bathrooms one for men and woman but they closed them off because we had a mystery crapper that was relieving herself all over the toilet seat, floor and walls.

The person has been found because they placed cameras on the outside of the doors to the remaining restrooms so they could monitor when an incident happened who went in and out.

The person has yet to be fired and some people are demanding it. I can only assume she has some sort of mental issue.

8

Funny thing is, most of the time, our bathrooms are spotless. The only time we ever have issues with piss/shit/blood on the seats is when we get new hires. I don’t know how or why it happens, but you can always tell when there are new hires because there will be unflushed toilets. It usually clears up after they’ve been here a few weeks, though.

Eyebrows 0f Doom – you know, I used to really have a shy bladder, but have worked through my issues on that. Even though I can now pee/poop with someone else in the bathroom, I really do want them further away than 24", ya know? I guess I kind of see it like this – not only do I not want to hear their personal sounds (come on, people, twatfarts are gross, even if it is the bathroom!), but I don’t want them hearing mine, either!

SomeUserName – they had to do that at a company I worked for once. Some girl had some kind of major issues – it looked like her ass had exploded in the stalls on more than one occasion. We’re talking blood and poop on the walls. They monitored the cameras and bathrooms and figured out who it was and she was walked out – that is just disgusting.

9

Of all the stalls in all the world she had to walk into mine…

I wonder if there is some bathroom offender detective investigative enterprise services (b.o.d.i.e.s.) that you hire to install the camera for this sort of thing.

10

I’m sorry, I know some people don’t see it as a big deal but the hand washing is important. Just because you don’t feel sick today doesn’t mean you aren’t carrying the flu virus that will knock you on your ass tomorrow. It doesn’t mean that the 4 year old snot factory you live with at home isn’t carrying germs that you then carry around with you everywhere you go. I do not need a staph infection because you didn’t wash your hands before you used the phone on my desk. That person who didn’t wash their hands will leave the restroom, use the vending machine, use the microwave, borrow your pen, pick up your staple remover and pretend it is an alligator while make chomping noises to amuse themselves while you finish a call, etc. If you want for me to be able to be at work and do my job don’t pass me your filthy germs. I don’t want to have to miss work because I am sick and I certianly don’t want to have to come to work while I am sick either, so to prevent either situation please wash your hands with soap and water. Or at least use that Purell stuff to kill the germs.

11

That just made me choke on an ice cube. :smiley:

12

We learned that lesson after the SARS epidemic. Hasving your co-worker call in and say, “Sorry, I have to work remote–I’m quarantined.” was a bit of a wakeup call.

13

The funniest thing is that we also have the hand sanitizer in the bathrooms – and we have one chick that is a total germophobe. I crack up when she is in there, she is like Monk. She will use a kleenex to open the door, the stall door, wipes the toilet down, then uses a seat liner thingy, and never washes her hands – because, as she told me one day, people turn the water on with their dirty hands – and only uses the hand sanitizer. Ok, fine. At least your hands are cleaner than the dipshit that turns the water on, picks her teeth in the mirror with her just-wiped-her-ass hand, turns the water off and then pretends to dry her not even dampened hands, before going out to use the vending machines, microwaves, etc.

On a side note – am I the only person who does not bring her food/beverages into the bathroom with her? Seriously, if I have food or drink in my hands, I will leave them on the table in the break room while I use the bathroom. I don’t have any interest in bathroom food. I have noticed that everyone else will bring their cups (without lids!) into the bathroom and leave them on the sink while they void. One woman takes her drink into the stall with her. ICK!