Flush, darn you - FLUSH!!

On the whole, I’m an easy-going sort of person, willing to live and let live, go with the flow, don’t sweat the small stuff, except in the case of extreme idiocy, wherein I think sterilization should be the first step… but I digress.

People and their bathroom habits!! I don’t care what you do in your own home, but when you use the public facilities, certain rules should apply:

· Leave the bowl empty and the seat dry - I’m STILL trying to figure out why someone in my office has to use half a roll of tissue per visit, and I don’t want to speculate who…
· DO NOT set a roll of tissue on the floor - UGH! - Is there any place filthier than the floor of a restroom?
· Please don’t talk to me after I’ve closed the stall door - it’s not one of my chatty times - unless it’s to say that the building is on fire.
· Control your kids - I don’t need to see a cherubic face grinning at me from under the partition. And anyway, your kids shouldn’t be that close to the aforementioned filthy floor.
· WASH YOUR HANDS!! - I’ve quit participating in office “Pot-luck” luncheons because I know there are women who don’t bother washing up, and I can only speculate that this practice extends to men also. <shudder>

Sadly, those to whom these statements apply are not likely to see them, but this has been building for a LONG time and it’s done me good to vent my spleen. Yeah, I know, there are more horrible things in life and more pressing issues that need to be addressed, and if this is the worst I encounter, I should count myself blessed. What can I say - it bugs me…

“If you sprinkle
When you tinkle
Be a sweetie
Wipe the seatie”

– From innumerable sappy posters, usually featuring cute kids or puppies

Hey MOM! I hate to put unpleasant images in your head but have you ever seen fast food workers with really long fingernails? Guess what type of bacteria is STILL under those nails even AFTER they wash their hands? We have had outbreaks of illnesses in my area of the country for that very same reason. Ick!

Gentlemen: Stand closer than you think. It’s shorter than you think.
Ladies: Please remain seated for the entire performance.

The management

That was one of my dad’s peeved when we owned our own gas station. A lot of women sort of hover over the seat because of what they’re afraid they’ll encounter. The problem is, doing this is what usually causes the mess they’re trying to avoid sitting in. My dad once drew up a sign for the ladies’ room illustrating the right and wrong way to use a toilet, with front and side views. It was stolen in a matter of days.

Myself, I never bought into the practice of hovering and I haven’t caught anything horrendous yet. Besides, I read once (sorry, no cite) that when a woman doesn’t sit all the way down on the seat, if she’s leaning too far foreward when she hovers, then her bladder doesn’t empty all the way. If she does this too often, she’s setting herself up for a possible infection. I don’t know if that’s true or not since I’ve also heard that urine is supposed to be sterile.

I notice more and more places have seat covers “for your protection…” and lacking that, how hard is it to put a couple of strips of tissue down if you’re so worried about absorbing horrendous disease through your thighs? Can cooties pass through paper? no, I’m not gonna get started again…

However, remember, urine is actually normally sterile. You have been conditioned to think it is “dirty”, of your bodily fluids, it is, by far, the safest.

Next, in areas with water shortages, you are often asked to NOT flush your urine; “in this land of sun & fun, we don’t flush for #1”. Please observe these local customs - it is not “dirty”. Some eco-minded folks do this always- they, also are not “dirty”. They simply think the environment is more important than your puritanical upbringing.

This does not excuse the poor aim of those who can hit a freakin toilet bowl, fer krissake. Nor, those who do not wash thoroughly after a “#2”, and I mean with soap & hot water. Those who do a #1 can get by with a “splash and a wipe”.

Thank you! I was beginning to think I was the only one that still used soap and hot water. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard the stall door slam followed immediately by the bathroom door. Even if the hands do get washed, a 3 second rinse in cold water is only going to give those thirsty germs a drink.

Sadly, it seems that the sanitation campaigns of the 20th century have been a little too successful. Many people have no idea how many killer diseases have part of their life cycle in shit. Unfortunately, these are the same people who clog our emergency rooms with a nasty cough and high fever, and just have no idea how they managed to pick it up.

And then that priceless bottle of antibiotic hits the back of the medicine cabinet as soon as the fever breaks. ‘It upsets my stomach, and I’m feeling much better now anyway’. Well, the other 6 billion of us would appreciate if you didn’t do your level best to breed a new superbug in your guts, thank you very much. Too bad some of these decimating diseases may have to make a comeback before the message gets through.

I just do my best to make sure I never have to use public facilities. Not that I’m worried about germ infested stalls or anything… I usually worry that some moron is going to strike up a conversation while I’m taking a whiz.

“Oh, hey, look, we’re both peeing at the same time! Wanna go grab a beer?”

And I like to think that I have better hygiene than most… although I never went the “soap and water” route. Well, then again, I usually empty my bowels just 'fore I take a shower, so I guess I do.

Am I the only one who finds it odd that it’s so easy to post such information about myself to a public message board? :smiley:

Darn you? Darn? Wow, mom, I’m shocked by your filthy language! My very eyes nearly dropped out when I saw that. I’ll have to do I don’t know how much penance for typing the word! :wink:

Gr8Kat – I don’t think that’s true. I’ve perfected the hover technique and believe me, that sucker’s empty. I’ve never had a bladder infection either so…

Frankly, I find most public restrooms disgusting. I don’t even touch the flush handle, I use my foot. And I ALWAYS wash my hands.

I agree with you there, mom, I too stopped going to the pot lucks after I had just been in the bathroom with a lady who didn’t wash her hands and went right in to serve out “finger” foods with her hands. I blanched and went back to my desk without eating anything.

“Be like Pop
Not like Sis
Lift the lid
before you piss”
-middle stall, employee’s men’s room,
May Company, South Coast Plaza, Costa Mesa, CA
circa 1977

Yah, I wasn’t gonna mention that. But judging from the name, I’d have to say she doesn’t get a lot of flaming practice. FCM, we don’t use the D word around here. Next time lean into it a little more, OK? Make it hurt, we dig it.

After you wash your hands, remember to turn the water off after you’ve dried them – while you’re still holding the paper towels.

Hovering may be a problem, but I wonder if women know how good they (probably) have it.
Men’s room problems:

  1. Some guys, for whatever reason, find an undeniable urge to pick their nose and leave whatever treasures they find at EYE level on the wall.
  2. Hovering cannot be anywhere near the problem that some guys face: apparently urinating makes some guys COMPLETELY blind during the process. I’m not talking about some sort of minor deviation from the target, I’m talking about 2 feet from the bowl!
  3. (and most disgusting) In a movie theater last week, I saw a distinctive brown streak on the wall on the stall wall.

Sorry about the rather disgusting description of the truth that is the men’s room, but please note I am leaving out any description of men’s rooms at the bars.

Prosser – maybe that movie really scared the shit out of someone…

You may be right, but I don’t think they came out with Weekend with Bernie III–yet.

Prosser… just one brown streak across the wall? Try two streaks on the wall, a small splot on the stall door, and a big, hard chunk on the toilet seat. This was at my college (well, you can hardly call it a “college”…) I swear, someone’s turd mutated and went on a rampage in there…

Those paper toilet seat covers that Wal-Mart so thoughtfully provides really suck, too. They’re even thinner than toilet paper, so I don’t see the point, plus they stick to your butt. I just use good old TP myself. And I sometimes don’t wash my hands because the faucets are filthy, the paper towels are nonexistent (or worse, it’s one of those cloth roller towel things–geez, get with the program, people), the place is a madhouse, jampacked with moms and toddlers and grandmas all shouting about how “there’s no toilet paper in this one!”, and somebody’s changing a humongous gross poopie diaper on the changing station right next to the sink (oh, yes, I’ve been there and done that myself, but it doesn’t mean that I want to stand there and WATCH).

At times like that, I’ll take my chances with the bacteria on my hands infecting the rest of the world. Just lemme outta there, okay?

And MY mother purposely TAUGHT me to hover, but lately I notice they’ve been making toilet seats higher (something to do with handicap access?), so it’s getting more difficult. (It couldn’t just be that my thigh muscles are as young as they used to be…?)


“…thigh muscles AREN’T as young as they used to be.” Neither are the eyes, either, apparently.

Bring more coffee.

Alright, assholes, back off about the language!! I’m trying to clean up my act and be a good influence on my teenage daughter, so just shut the fuck up!!!


Have a nice day, and remember to flush, damn you!

<deep cleansing breaths>