Death by Ballad!

A friend of mine observed a tragic muscial phenomenon he has dubbed “Night Ranger Syndrome”. The idea is this: A decent rock band releases a ballad one day. It becomes a hit. The band then releases a slew of sappy ass ballads thus destroying any real rock cred the band had.

After discussing this idea, my friends and I came up with the following tragic examples:

Aerosmith: Goodbye hormonal party stomp of Rag Doll and Walk This way, hello I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing. I think the overproduced song from the damn Mayor of Truckville commercials is an attempt to come back from the pit, but they have a long way to go. There’s an entire generation of kids who think of them as a nonthreatening pop rock ballad band.

Red Hot Chili Peppers: OK, Under The Bridge was sappy, but it was off of the overall high-quality Blood Sugar Sex Magik so I’ll let it slide. But everything they’ve released from Soul To Squeeze on to me is punkless and funkless. And their funk-punk made them a kick-ass and innovative band.

Goo Goo Dolls: I’ve never been a huge fan of them. But their song released off of the Twister soundtrack Long Way Down is actually a pretty good charging rock ditty. Then came the “I don’t want the world to see me or tell your name” crap that made them way too chicky. Even their relatively upbeat song Slide falls way short. Here’s an axiom: No true rockstar ever sings about wanting to get married.

Dave Matthews Band: Mostly I’m throwing this is because it’ll piss off the Normals. :smiley: Again, I’m not really a fan of their crunchy, earthy, Hootie-with-a-fiddle sound, but What Would You Say was a ballsy hit and it’s a good party song. Their latest releases on the other hand seem to suggest that they recorded their last few singles (from the overrated Crash to that current “I Am No Superman” song) right next to a nursery and they are doing their best not to wake the baby.

Bangles: Buy All Over The Place now. This, their first LP, kicks ass. The beatlesque harmonies and riffs reminiscent of good sixties rock (or so I’m told :wink: ) make it a solid album. They make a second album and ruin it all not with the landmark Walk like an Egyptian but with the Manic Monday, a song written by an obviously c—struck Prince. In Your Room off of the third album helped somewhat, but Eternal Flame went and squashed any and all progress. It ruined the legacy of an underrated and IMHO influential rock band.

Care to add to the list or dispute it thus far?

I kinda liked “Manic Monday”. But I agree that “Eternal Flame” was…sub-par.

Styx got sucked into the power ballad black hole.
As did the Journey (who sucked ass anyway)

I agree with the theory that bands get destroyed by the ballad. It seems that the ballad on the each album gets put out as the single. Then when the concert came you get stuck with them ‘having’ to do ten power ballads in the show. Jeez if I want that I’ll go to a Manillow concert.

Well, I never really liked him anyway, but would Bryan Adams count?

Those power ballads are what did in the whole hair metal/pop metal genre back in the 80s. The ballad broke them into the mainstream, but killed them with whatever loyal metal following they had.

Whitesnake: Is This Love? This from the same band who once did Slide It In and Still Of The Night?

Poison: Every Rose Has Its Thorn. They were always a stupid band but at least they were trying to act raunchy early on with Talk Dirty To Me and I Want Action.

Warrent: Heaven. Same situation as Poison.

Cinderella: Don’t Know What You Got ('Til It’s Gone). I never could take them serious after this one.

Rainbow: On The Street On Dreams. Not quite as bad, but quite a come down from Man On The Silver Mountain and Since You Been Gone.

Heart?

Hoo yeah, Bryan Adams counts. Mind you, this guy used to make decent ballads, IMHO. Everything I do is a carefully crafted gem. But when he released the single Have you ever really loved a woman?, I knew that the only place I’d ever see him again was in either on a Cosmopolitan cover (talking about his sensitive side, no doubt), or at a carwash in British Columbia or something. Well, OK, so he still sells records. But they all suck.

I’ll admit to sort of liking that tune he did with that one Spice Girl, but that’s it.

In a somewhat ballad-related vein, I’ll nominate Metallica. Any metal band that releases an album of completely overproduced classic orchestrations of their greatest hits, only to follow it up with an album of covers nobody was waiting for, shall suck forevermore. Exit, sandman.

Oh my yes.

First off, the Dave Matthews song is titled Crash Into Me not Crash.

As for your Aerosmith arguement, how convienient that you decline to mention the single/song that got them onto the big-time stage-------Dream On, which is, surprise, a ballad!!!

What a shock! Why wouldn’t you mention it? Perhaps because it makes your entire premise invalid?

Perhaps.

You are making this “arguement” without considering the most important part of it, which is sex, or specifically, the fact that rock stars like to fuck women. (For the sake of this I’m saying that all rock stars are men, though that is far from true.)

Now, what do you think is going to draw more attractive females who want to suck the lead singer/lead guitarists/drummers cock to tactually go see the band in concert:

A) A 5 minute long song where the vocals are screeched and unintelligible, the guitars sound like 5 cats having a gangbang, the bass physically forces you back 2 feet the drums rattle around in your head and the lyrics are about cutting someone to bits with a chainsaw or like minded material
or

B) a semi-plaintive ballad with either an acoustic guitar or an underplayed electric, lyrics that are understandable and run something along the lines of “I lost you/your love/my way, but if we get back together/stay together/find our way, then everything will be alright.”

If you say that the answer is A, you are more closeminded then I thought, which is to your detriment, not mine.:wink:

“Normal” chiming in here…

For the record, “Crash Into Me” was off of their 1996 album, Crash, and the current single “Where Are You Going” is off of their 2002 release. So there’s a six-year separation between the two, during which they’ve released one other definite ballad (“The Space Between”), the upbeat funky tracks “Stay” and “I Did It,” the seething “Don’t Drink the Water,” and the acoustic “Everyday,” which I don’t think would be classified as a typical rock ballad, simply because of the presence of African folk singers.

Admittedly, which ones have I heard on my local radio station? “Crash Into Me,” “Space Between,” and “Where Are You Going.” My theory is that office workers across the nation would suddenly go into a raging chaotic frenzy if they ever heard a song with an actual pulse, and benevolent radio programmers are just doing their best to prevent this from ever happening.

I would like to nominate Scorpions… they were really good in the late 70’s early 80’s then this did this ballad (of which i can’t even remember the title) and we never heard the stuff they did before again… Yes they did do ballads before but they were still known for their “heavy metal” stuff… Too bad!!!

Hey, I LIKED “Eternal Flame”, okay. I still like it-although I agree “In Your Room” was better.

And the Goo Goo Dolls have never actually released a song called I don’t want the world to see me or tell your name. I’m trying to make a point here, people, not provide an authoritative catalogue of modern rock! :smiley:

Yeah, that explains the Bangles releasing Eternal Flame. Susanna Hoffs wanted to get sucked off. Talk about invalidating a premise!

And somehow I doubt the members of Aerosmith had a paucity of sex when Pump was released. And early RCHP? Everything was sex. The whole premise is bands that are already big time make with the ballad fountain. And bands that are already big time need not resort to singing sap to get laid. Cripes, just strumming an acousic guitar in a small club is an aphrodisiac for some women…

Besides, the motivation behind the ballads is irrelevant. The fact that is many a band’s downfall is the point.

Good point. Since DMB is most likely to be played on your soft rock stations and eschewed by your payola-driven-System-of-a-Down-six-times-an-hour rock stations, you’re more likely to hear their more barbiturate hits.

WSLer: unsurprisingly, you seem to be a bit confused.

How does this make his premise invalid? Doesn’t your example support it?

In fact, your entire post is a mixture of bizarre logic and daft stereotype. Rock stars “like to fuck women”? My god! So does your average heterosexual office worker.

So what?

For every hormonally charged Mick Jagger or Gene Simmons, there’s a libidously average Eddie Vedder or Elvis Costello, who, while I’m sure do enjoy sex as much as the rest of us, could hardly compare to the uncontrollable sex fiend you seem to view the average rock star as being.

Not to mention the portion that would prefer men…

And once we’ve examined your ridiculous “evidence” that so brilliantly destroys Alphagene’s observation, we then arrive at your next ridiculous stereotype:

Women Only Like Wailing Sappy Ballads!!!

Put them Riot Grrls and punk rock chicks away. Never mind those girls who’d rather rock out with their proverbial cock out than listen to one more Celine Dion tune, WSLer has decreed that the ladies shall only listen to sappy soft rock (and then proceed to such rock star cock as a result)!

Ladies, I must ask you to step away from the grunge section. Do not fear, your boyfriends have been called and will arrive with your Bon Jovi CDs shortly.

I know you have some issues with “punks” who do not pray at the altar of the Top 40, but perhaps you should halt the torrent of cliche and insult just because someone may like music that deviates from your personal favourites. I mean, damn, I like the RHCPs later stuff, and I’m not making posts belittling Alphagene’s comments.

I always lamented how Chicago turned into Air Supply.
I am old.

Of course Joan Jett and some other women rockers aren’t men but want to fuck women.

alternate thread title:

Killing Themselves Softly

Wayell, as a woman female person, I listen to punk and goth and industrial and 70s folk and show tunes and soft rock and hard rock and medium rock and metal and anything by trad…

However, the sort of girl that will sleep with a rock star just 'cuz he’s a rock star may just also be the sort of girl that goes all swoony over that rock star being Very Sensitive and Sad and Misunderstood. Waah.

My dear sweetheart thus far has no problems with his masculinity; he is neither an overwhelming testosteroney dick nor a simpering pathetic weepy wussie. I don’t like drama queens that come from either direction. But that’s me, and I’m not the sort of girl who’d sleep with a sweaty guy with greasy hair just because he whines or shouts on a big stage. There ARE girls that do, though, and they are pretty likely to enjoy weepy ballads.