Though as soon as I write the title for the OP I realize there’s an element of question-begging in the example that first came to mind: Poison’s “Talk Dirty To Me,” which just sounds kind of . . . fey to me. I’m supposing some would say Poison never held itself out as hard rock but instead was more glam?
I’d certainly nominate “Rock 'n Roll All Night,” or anything else by KISS, as among the least threatening songs ever. How those clowns were ever considered menacing or “rock” is beyond me.
My impression is that you’re talking about songs that are trying to rock and fail miserably, rather than softer fare or ballads done by hard rock bands.
Some of my nominees would be Warrant’s “Cherry Pie,” Night Ranger’s “Sister Christian,” and anything by Winger.
I too was excluding power ballads, but I can’t think of a non-glam example of an ostensibly hard-rock song that tries to rock and fails.
Okay, the entire Nickelback discography.
And I should be shot for mentioning them in the same post, but Paranoid by Sabbath rocks a lot less when I hear it off the CD than when playing it in my mind. It’s a living example of the phenomenon of “artificial brightness,” stations trying to make songs peppier by playing them slightly faster. Paranoid tries to rock hard but is too pondering and grungy when played at the original speed. (Although it still kicks Cherry Pie’s ass.)
“Enter Sandman”, while having many of the elements of a hard rocking song, just feels like it was written for 11 year olds - heavy metal for kids. “Heavy dreams tonight, and they aren’t of Snow White”? Give me a break!
I think you got it in one.
How Gene Simmons can act like such a tough guy nowdays knowing full well he was 1/4 responsible for perhaps the most puss-a-fied rock song ever is beyond me.
(me at age 9 hearing Rock’n Roll All Night for the first time: “That is so gay.”)
Hmmm, gotta go with…The Final Countdown by the band Europe (youTube link). Let’s see:
Bad hair metal look? Check.
Really cheesy keyboards - and the keyboards are used for the main riff in what is supposed to be a hard rock song? Check (ground for immediate win, IMHO)
An attempt to say something profound - but come off like an idiot? Check.
Accompanied by a video that attempts to frame the song as profound? Check.
You know you’re over-the-hill when you start to listen fondly to this album :smack: -makes a great “over-the-hill” joke for any heavy-metal enthusiast!
Makes you want to be a fly on the wall to see the expression on receipiant’s face!!!
That’s a good point. I guess I thought they were trying to rock with that big build up to the chorus, but yeah, it’s a power ballad that fails to have power.
I can’t believe a young guy like me gets to nominate “Somebody to Love” and “We Built This City” by Jefferson Airplane/Starship. Geez…that stuff sucked. And yes, KISS blows.
Every time I hear “Wild Thing” by the Troggs, I’m amazed at how quickly and totally a flute solo can bring an otherwise hard-rocking song to a standstill.
Sung by a chick , so it gets a pass. Plus, I don’t think it fits the requirements the OP is looking for. I think we’re talking about songs that are intended to be hard rockin’ but fail for some reason, such as sissified lyrics or the flute solo in Wild Thing that jackelope just mentioned.
Nah. It’s pretty gay, but it’s not intended to be hard rockin’. That’s why power balads shouldn’t count.
Beth is pretty gay- about a guy who can hardly make it through practicing with his rock band because he misses his girlfriend so much- Yak! But it’s not supposed to be a hard rockin’ song. It would be more laughabley if Gene Simmons sang it since he was the tough guy of the group, but Criss is just a puddy cat.
:smack: -makes a great “over-the-hill” joke for any heavy-metal enthusiast! 