I’ll see your Kiss and raise you Bon Jovi. That that purely commercial blow-dried narcissist even considers himself a serious rocker is nauseatingly hilarious:
“I’ve seen a million faces . . . And I’ve rocked them all!”
No. No you haven’t, Jon.
Lord, how to add to what’s been mentioned? Although you guys are unjustly hard on KISS. They did have the demonic lyrics to “God Of Thunder”…god of thunder, and rock-n-roll…the spell you’re under, will slowly rob you of your virgin SOUL!!..
How about Dokken, anything by Warrant…“Seventeen”, the ode to pedophilia by Winger’s gay ass…
I have more but I’m finding it hard to pick ones that aren’t intentional suck-ass ballads by so-called “hard rock” bands…which apparently are disqualified…
I think I left out two generic categories:
Transparently fake “Satanic” trappings, once stripped away, have a way of revealing fairly dorky middle of the road musicians. Ozzy (who started out in a folk-covers band IIRC) always struck me as trying way, way to hard to sell the crazy rocker image. “Iron Man’s” a pretty silly song. Marilyn Manson (again maybe not even holding himself out as a rocker per se) has been a joke since the word go.
And . . . Zep. Just when they get to really wailing, you realize that Plant is screaming about . . . Hobbits. He’s a likable and talented guy, but bringing the rock Lothlorien style – not sure I see it.
Pedophilia schmedophilia. Winger is from NYC and 17 is legal in NY (and most other states).
Nitpick: ocarina solo.
My bad. I retract my previous statement; now the solo rocks balls!
To be fair, MLOONAA was written by Jim Steinman, who could be nominated in this thread all by himself. He was Meat Loaf’s lyricist and also wrote songs such as “Total Eclipse of the Heart” and “Holding Out For A Hero” for Bonnie Tyler.
Blasphemy. That flute solo is great.
Bon Jovi. “Wanted Dead or Alive”.
This thread can now be closed.
“I’m a cowboy! On a steel horse I ride!”
But it just goes to show you how fine a line you really have to walk here, because if this song were even a little better, it might be great. But it -just- misses its mark, and that makes it sound even more pathetic.
I should add that I don’t even mind the song, and it’s a hoot to play in Rock Band. As a tuneful ditty, it succeeds. As hard rock? Not so much.
Considering that their OTHER radio-play hit was the inane “Meet Virginia”, I don’t see them as “hard rock”. But I’ve never heard anything other than “Drops of Jupiter” and “Meet Virginia”, so I’m not really qualified to judge, I guess.
I agree. Ain’t nothin’ wrong with KISS.
I agree with Rock 'n Roll All Night. However I think Kiss has made a few songs that pass as hard rock. Such as “She”.
The song Best I Can by Queensryche sounds like a rocker, but has lyrics that should be on a telethon.
Every time I hear something like that I get reminded of that comic.
I actually like a lot of hair metal bands, even if they don’t deserve to be taken seriously.
The kinds of “hard rock” songs that really irritate me are the ones done by AOR/mellow pop artists who decide they can cop an attitude, play a few power chords and become tough-guy rockers.
Think of a wimp like Kenny Loggins doing “Highway to the Danger Zone.” That’s “hard rock” at its lamest.
No wait, there’s ONE lamer example of hard rock. I hesitate to share it, because you may have nightmares… or you may bleed to death after laughing your ass off.
Here’s a winner,
“I surrender” Rainbow
I surrender, I surrender
I’m giving up the role of pretender
Oh be tender, girl be tender
Can’t you feel the love that I send you
I surrender.
I surrender, I surrender
Sometimes songs written in English when English is not the band’s first language can sound unintentionally funny and lame. The Scorpions come to mind as an example,’
“Bad boys running wild,
and you better get out of the way!
Bad boys running wild!”
I think Dangerous Toys’ “Scared” misses the mark by a good bit, as does Slaughter’s “Up All Night”.
Oh yes. Google the lyrics to Gorky Park’s “Bang” for another example.
I don’t think so. Train is an American “trad-rock” band, similar to Hootie and the Blowfish, Counting Crows, and The Wallflowers (basically a more radio friendly “Jam Band”). By definition, they are softer than Hard Rock bands like Motley Crue or Van Halen.
I think we had a winner at Europe’s The Final Countdown.
If we are excluding power ballads, some other nominations are:
Asia - Heat of the Moment
Van Halen - When It’s Love
Def Leppard - Animal