She sounds like a sweet child. I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing…
Her name is Shannon. It means small but wise. She is all of that and more.
Tunabreath, you get a big big hug from me. Give a big hug to your son as well.
Dear TunaBreath, “GunsNSpot” said it so eloquently, so I’m not going to repeat his words; Just remember this: The people that tell you “you’ll get over it…”; you won’t. And don’t try to make that happen. Try and keep her memory alive and in your heart. Look at it this way: your daughter was “on loan” from heaven; and she’s “home” now. The pain that you feel in your heart and the tears are merely “interest” on that loan.
I know… I lost two of my children.
God Bless you… please try to have as pleasant a Holiday Season as possible. I am sharing some of that “interest” with you right now.
… Marty.
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My condolences on the loss of Shannon. She sounds like quite a kid.
I lost my older son eight years ago, to group B strep infection that he contracted during labor. During this time, I’ve learned that a) there is nothing anyone can say that’ll make you feel better, and b) this too shall pass (sort of).
Even though it’s been 8 years now, and even though I’ve got a beautiful son now (who’s completely healthy), losing AJ still hurts. A lot. I’m writing this with tears in my eyes. Most of the time, I’m okay with what happened; it wasn’t inevitable that he died, but it still happened.
A book I recommend is A Broken Heart Still Beats. It really helped me sort out a lot of feelings about losing my son.
If you want to e-mail me, my address available below.
Robin
{{tunabreath and msrobyn}}
Tuna, that was a beautiful post where you spoke of your daughter’s life. I am especially amazed at this part:
First of all, it’s very funny, and second, She Was 19 MONTHS? No kidding? That is really cool!
Tuna’,
“The only family I have is my son and without him…”
Not true. You have us. We’re family.
I’m so sorry for your loss. 
Ah, hell…
My heart breaks for you. That’s as sad as it gets, and yet, reading what you’ve written, I think in the end you’ll be OK. Scarred, but OK.
Be Well.
T.
Tuna, I am still very much dealing with losing my 6 year old. Naomi died just two weeks ago after battling cancer for 3 1/2 years. I will always be ahunted by the memory of watching her die and fight for her last breaths as I held her. This Christmas and every one after will be difficult.
I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I know that pain that will never quite go away now ever. You are in my prayers. Take care.
Roadwalker.
I lost the first baby I carried----I never got to see or hold that baby I wanted so much and I cry for my loss and yours. Time doesn’t heal all wounds; I had to work at healing when I was ready.
I hope for healing for us all.
tunabreath and everybody else that shared their tragedies, my heart goes out to you. Tuna, I nearly cried from reading your posts, and I love the way your words flow and just sound so right. She sounded like a wonderful young girl, so intelligent. I’ve never lost anybody close to me, and I can’t imagine the pain you must feel. Just hang in there, because once the sad part is over you can look back on happy memories and cherish the short time she was here with you.
I am so sorry, tunabreath.
I couldn’t bring myself to open this thread until now, because I lost one of my best friends just before Thanksgiving…then Naomi passed and…I couldn’t handle anything more. I didn’t WANT to know. Please forgive me.
I know about loss…not of a child, but within a year I lost my beloved mother and my brother. I loved him too, very much…but losing my mother was the worst thing that ever happened to me. It still is, really. I know it isn’t the same thing generally, but for me…it is.
My heart goes out to you, my prayers are with you. I cannot ease your pain, I know that. All I can say is that it IS true that time, while it never really erases the pain, DOES “mute” it. After awhile, it becomes easier to cherish the memory and the pain dulls.
You will never EVER stop missing your darling Shannon. But you have a son, and he deserves to have your full attention. It sounds as though you already know this, and are DOING it. It is so hard…but in giving to HIM all the love you have, you are giving it to Shannon as well. I say this because I still have my father, and it is the closest I can come to understanding your situation. My father adored my mother, and she is gone. But he is still here, and I am trying to give him all the love I have…the love I already GAVE him, plus the love I gave my mom. It is really all I can do for her anymore, you know?
I am having a hard time dealing with the loss of my friend. And I am trying to make sure that his death wasn’t in vain…well, I know it WAS, but since it happened and I can’t CHANGE that, I am trying to let the people I love and care about know that I cherish them. It is really all I can do, and I know he would not want me to wallow in misery, but to learn how fragile life is…and make sure that no one I care about goes in ignorance of that fact. I’m trying.
I wish I could help, I know I can’t. Just know that you are NOT alone. Not EVER, so long as you are a member of this VERY loving community.
My Love,
Cheri
Tuna’,
The "sea foam" memory is an absolute treasure, as they all are. And such delightful girl.
I am so, so sorry for your loss.
"Heartbreak used to be the islands; now it's the ocean."I am moved by the response this simple post has generated. It was kind of like a note in a bottle cast on the sea. Granted a crowded one likely to be opened and read by compassionate people.
Martyham, MsRobyn, Roadwalker and Cyn we belong to a club no one wants to join, one no one should ever be in. I hope no new members apply.
and Scotticher (why would you want to ich Scotts? sorry, I couldn’t help it.) I’m sorry for your loss too. Saying goodbye to someone who can’t answer “See ya later” sucks. to put it mildly.
I re-read something I wrote and I perhaps explain what body boarding is to some. My kids call it boogie boarding BTW. It’s kind of like surfing but it’s a shorter board and you don’t stand up when you ride the wave.
Yes 19 months! First joke! She had a third grade reading level in first grade. When she was 5 she took my Audubon Society Field Guide to North American Reptiles and Amphibians and started to write (and draw) her own field guide to our land(47 acres). Spring peepers to worm snakes. I’d never seen a worm snake until she caught one. We got the book out together and looked it up.
Who’d have thought to find a snake by digging in dirt? Looking under rocks and logs sure. But dirt?
I’m curious. Are there questions anyone has that they would like to ask about this but feel it’s somehow “not polite”? If you ask me these it may help us all. I think there are some things folks want to know but are afraid to ask. It will help us all to know what are friends and co-workers wondering.
I will be a happy lab rat. Ask. I will answer if I can.
the night they searched for her body and the rollercoaster ride of emotions is a sad tale. One I recomend for anyone who is alive. One day we will all face loss. Hopefully not this kind, but most of us will outlive someone else.
I need to write this down anyway and I think I’m ready now. It’s sure to be long as it was almost 24 hours awake. I can do it in parts. Cauterize. It won’t heal.
{{{{{tunabreath}}}}}
That was an astoundingly sad, but wonderful, story. And you told it very well, for what a writing-style compliment is worth in a thread like this. Your daughter seems like a remarkable little girl. I even hoo hawed at the ‘tailaphone’ joke.
Yes, you are family here now. Anyone willing to share a heart wrenching story like that and the way that you did to me I would consider a family member. The Board welcomes you.
Oh shit, I’ve made a tear. I thought I had become cynical and jaded after all these years.