This coming weekend I am going to Orycon 45, the very last Orycon, where we are gathering the names of all those involved in this convention that have died over the years, the vast majority I have known quite well. In the midst of this nasty but necessary duty I get word that long-time Doper TriPolar has passed away, and then just this morning I find out that very long time family friend Cathy (caretaker of another long time family friend Pete) has died.
I am supposed to be the Face of the Hospitality Department at the last Orycon next weekend, I am supposed to be upbeat and cheerful, and I am supposed to give people hope that something new coming from future fans that will be better than what we gave them before…damn it, will somebody cheer me the fuck up, or at least tell me how to get through this in one piece?
Think of all of your family and friends who haven’t died and cherish the fact that, like you, they are still around. Death is an undeniable part of life, and everyone and everything living eventually dies. Focus on all the good things the people who have recently passed away brought into your world.
I’m not sure what Orycon is but I’m guessing some kind of convention.
I think the more you tell yourself you have to pretend to be happy the harder it’s going to go for everyone.
You can be nice and pleasant but you can also take the role that feels realest to you right now, which is to help people grieve these very real losses by holding these cherished names in memory. And you can grieve those losses too.
People always appreciate authenticity over forced cheerfulness. If you can give someone else the space to grieve, too, they will always remember that.
The irony here is that memorials for our dead are for the benefit of the living. You’re playing a very important role helping people to honor and remember not only the end of a convention but the people who were involved in building great memories for everyone. Even without the recent deaths, you’re dealing with the end of something good, which is going to be a bittersweet event in the best of times.
I know you’re supposed to be upbeat and cheerful, but I think @Spice_Weasel’s advice is good. Just be yourself. I bet you’ll be happy sometimes and then moments later sad. It’s okay. As a host your supposed to do what’s because to make your guest feel comfortable whether everyone’s laughing or if they’re crying.
The only purpose of memorials (and especially funerals) for me is so I can publicly display my sadness for everyone to see so I don’t look like an asshole when I laugh again. I take to heart George Harrison’s advice to Tom Petty when Roy Orbison died, “Aren’t you glad it wasn’t you?”. In a changing world I experience the disappearance of cherished parts of my life everyday. Grief is a poor substitute for the wonderful memories those things and places and people have left me with. I love to share those memories, but not in a one-time culturally proscribed ritual. @Czarcasm’s task is a sucky one that I would frankly refuse to undertake.