December 15, 2005

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I finally get my license reinstated after my 3rd (shameful head motions here) drunk driving charge. I did not contest any of them - my poor decision making, my responsibility to stand up and say, Yes, your Honor, I was indeed a shithead that night. What is my punishment.

I wrote to the DMV of my former state today to ask when I would be able to reinstate and if there were any lingering compliance issues I had to deal with, fully expecting the date to be sometime in April, as that’s when the offense occurred and for some reason I had it in my head that would be the point for reinstatement.

Today, I get a note that says I am eligible for reinstatement 12/15/05 - that’s less than 30 days! I haven’t driven in 3 years! I haven’t had a drink in three years, either. Sounds like a good combination…

Now, the only problem is my relationship is on the verge of collapse and I am not sure if there is a chance of reconciliation or if he is just allowing me to stay - as long as I don’t bother/upset him (which he states is inevitable) to get my stuff together. Friday night he was kicking me out on the street. I don’t KNOW anyone here - who would I call? What would I do with my pets? What would I do? I am not rich - not by a LONG shot. My dad, who has promised to help move me back to the Midwest (eeeeeh) is in Ireland until the 28th - I am hoping there is some more resolution before then. Mean time, streeeeeeess. Streeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesss. Stomach, back gone out completely, new pains in my right leg that go all the say up and down, upper shoulder pains foot pain, stomach cramps, vomiting, anxiety and anxiety attacks like you have NO idea.

All this in the midst of dealing with Identity theft. Someone knows my SSN and got a hold of my CC# (which is still in my possession) and even got the name changed. I now have to pay bills for Twinkle. D. Star and not Ink a Dink a Dink. Even though it’s MY account, I never paid it late, the charge that’s on it is not mine and I am not paying it. Three credit bureaus - three different reports - three different sets of inaccuracies to correct. 52 letters went out this morning.

God. I’ll take the good thing and focus on that.

The other stuff is too overwhelming. Oh, and in case anyone asks - the tenuous nature of my relationship is my fault because I lied. About a cookie, but that’s not the point. I LIED. This is NO-NO number 1 and I know it. I fucked up. Still, sometimes I can’t help thinking - it’s a fucking COOKIE, let it go. But he’s let so many other things go…it truly is my own fault. We’ve been happily dysfunctional for a while. Now we’re just unhappily dysfunctional.

Thank god for the pets.

Hope all else are better.

Regards,

Inky

2

I can’t believe you can get your license back after 3 DUIs.

3

Are you an alcoholic? Are you currently in some sort of recovery program? Given your past history and your current problems it sounds like you are ripe to re-offend re DWI unless you can get your personal situation straightened out.

Moving back to the mid-west temporarily to get re-centered might not be a a bad idea all things considered, unless you have a crew back there that drinks and would want you to hang with them.

The main issue for you is (based on your OP) alcoholism and being in a dysfunctional, high stress, failing relationship with an SO who has more or less written you off is not a prescription for good mental or emotional health. It sounds like you need some distance and perspective. Take your dad up on his offer.

4

I’m surprised he’s not in prison. In Texas, a 3rd DUI is a felony offense.

[hijack]
I personally think DUIshould be a felony with mandatory prison time for first offense. I’ve picked up wayyyyy too many mangled bodies caused by drunk/stoned drivers.
[/hijack]

5

… a COOKIE!?
Your SO needs to chill the fuck out. Seriously.

6

Ink a dink dink, I hope things work out for you.

astro, you seem to have missed the following in the OP: “I haven’t had a drink in three years, either.”

Spatial Rift 47, sometimes it doesn’t matter whether the lie was about a cookie or a pregnancy: if it’s clear that absolutely NO lying will be tolerated, a lie is a lie. Especially where there have been other issues, as indicated by the OP.

7

And I personally think that people with a pattern of inserting gratuitous insults into threads should be banned.

But guess what? Neither one of us is in charge.

8

To the OP: Congratulations on staying dry for the last 3 years…I hope you can keep it up!

I too feel that 3 years is a bit light for a third DUI, but it IS at least nice to see that you’ve taken responsibility for your actions, gotten help, and are now sober…which is quite an accomplishment!

9

What’s your grief, astro? She said she hasn’t had a drink in three years. You have absolutely No IDEA if she’s an alcoholic or not. Chill out.

Good luck, Inky. Sometimes it’s darkest before the dawn. Hang on until Dad gets back, because dads are always glad to help! :slight_smile:

10

The question was to introduce the concept that she should possibly stop trying to make the (self described) dysfunctional, high stress relationship work and think about moving elsewhere to get a fresh perspective, otherwise the risk of another DWI seemed inevitable given the spiraling stress of her current situation.

If some has 3 DWIs the question of whether they are an alcoholic (unless it was other drugs) is (IMO) more or less a given.

11

Your opinion isn’t anywhere close to correct, by any accepted definition of the term, “alcoholic”.

12

“Not drinking” isn’t necessarily the same things as “in recovery.” It sounds like her life is pretty fucked up, and taking stock and doing something about it might be a good idea. OTOH, a geographical cure ain’t necessarily the answer, either, if she expects things to magically improve just because she moves.

13

Inky, do you have a few minutes to talk about…Scientology? :slight_smile:

Dang, chick. Congrats on winning at least one battle. Do you need to be in SF for your job or can you work from anywhere? I got no advise, just a buncha hugs & Diet Cokes.

wanders off singing, “Inky took the cookie from the cookie jar…”

14

I wish you strength during this time.

15

Hmmm, I think that this is one birthday gift I’ll be somewhat circumspect about.

16

Terribly sorry for not responding sooner. As you may surmise, it’s been tenuous around here.

Yes, I have three DUIs. I have been analysed, from head to toe, over and over and over, and the consensus is - overwhelmingly and unanimously - that I am not an alcoholic, I just make poor decisions, and fall into that category of people whose metabolisms cannot process alcohol. I am also one of those lucky people who get to the stage in their lives when things are going great and then (un)intentionally fuck everything up because I can’t believe I should GET the good stuff.

I don’t drink, and haven’t had a drink because - honestly - I don’t want one. And the alternative makes me shudder. If I make poor decisions when I am cold sober, imagine six shots of Jaegermeister and a couple of beers. I always had liquor in the house but never drank it. I was a social drinker - would only drink in social settings, and when you’re in Wisconsin, EVERYTHING revolves around alcohol in some manner or form.

Not having had my license, I’ve been offered a drink (one) at special dinner occasions by my SO and - I’ve turned them down. Just don’t FEEL like it.

I am a she.

I never hit anyone, I never hurt anyone (other than myself) and I always took full responsibility. Sound like I was shirking? Ask what my BAC was before you talk to me about bodies on the road, which I admit are a horrible thing - saw one of those before my eyes once - but it’s simply not applicable in this case.

Yes, the argument was a lie. And that I CONSPIRED to lie. I took the cookie and hid it, which meant that it wasn’t a spontaneous thing. I took it, and hid it with the idea to hide it from him. My fault. I shouldn’t have. I knew how he’d react to the cookie. Knew even better how he’d react to the lie.

Things have calmed a bit, but it’s still eggshell city.

The one thing I worry about is something someone mentioned, which is that a geographical relocation may not be the best way to deal with the problem. Well, that has more permutations than you know - for if I left CA, I’d likely end up back in WI. Maybe not Milwaukee, because I am afraid I would just get into a rut there again. Too easy to fall into bad habits when things are too familiar. But Dad suggests Madison, which is a cool town, but - shit. Wisconsin. Again. I really don’t want to do that. I may have no other alternative at this time, though. We’ll see.

I’m on better meds than I was back then, and haven’t deviated from them at all - been mighty fanatical about them, if you want to know the truth. Perhaps I just reached the stage where I realize that without these little horrible tasting chalky pills, I am not going to make it. And I CAN’T drink on these things - they would REALLY wack me out. Me, the queen on knonwing what to mix with what (products of a wayward youth - BEFORE I DROVE) is completely clear that any alcohol on my current meds would be either instant blackout or death. I’ll take consciousness for $500, Alex?

No wonder I am so attached to my diet coke, eh, Inigo? I still don’t get the f*cking nachos, though.

The point about my relationship is that I knew his issues before I moved in - I knew he had body issues, I lost 35 lbs before I even got here. Smoking - THAT was a hard one. I smoked when I wrote, I smoked when I read, I smoked when I…well…you get the picture. It’s difficult, even now. And I still slip. I try like hell not to but not smoking is harder than not drinking. Does that say anything? No seriously, does it?

I am not unaware of the badness of drunks on the road, and I can spot one a mile away. I’ve taken keys from friends, even got the s*it kicked out of me by a drunk pal who REALLY wanted his keys back - fuck it, here you go, pal, sez I with a black eye. I’m no poster child for complete reform - others can drink, I just can’t. I don’t have the body chemistry to handle it. I am dealing with it.

But I am excited. I paid the debt that the judge imposed upon me. And if you think it was easy, then - a big FU. But it was my mistake, so I did what I was required to do, which included 3 months in the house of corrections with work release where I was called the Princess because everyone thought it was such a joke that someone like me was there. Wanna know something - most of the women there are in there for DUIs. And some on six or seven.

I in no way downplay the crappyness of what I did. But I paid my debt, paid my lawyer, and paid with a lot of soul searching and habit changing. And I am GLAD I am able to achieve a little independence again.

Might help with the current situation I am in.

So, for those who said negative things, - sorry. Not in WI. Third offense is still under the radar. Of course, if I am caught with a .02, then it would be #4 and then it becomes a state charge. And all things change. I am not even sure CA will honor a DL from WI after 3 DUIs. But I am HAPPY. Because I achieved something - legally. I didn’t cheat on it, didn’t fudge even a little.

I still want a cookie, though.

This is rather incoherent, as it’s late for me and my sleeping pill has kicked in, so I apologize for the ramblingness of my post, but I felt it rude not to return.

Thanks for the good wishes from those who posted them. To the others, I realize it’s a sensitive topic. Trust me. TRUST ME. Just know, it won’t be ME out there any more.

Three years and counting day by day…nah, sometimes I even forget. And suddently it’s Four…

With all respect for all input,

Inky

17

I still don’t know the whole cookie story, but the picture I’m getting is that he’s a control freak, and that he won’t accept you unless your body is what he regards as perfect. By all means correct me if I’m wrong. But if I’m anywhere close to the truth, you don’t need that. No one needs a control freak, and in your situation, you, personally, need to be the one in charge of you.

Good luck.

18

Hey there IADD

My sympathies on your situation. As someone who required a couple of DUIs to smarten up myself, I know where you’re coming from.

If you need a friend, go ahead and email me (see profile.) We’re located in Madison (well, on a farm just outside) so if you end up back in Wisconsin you’ve got a shoulder to lean on as well.

Take care of yourself.

P

19

Allow me to explain, my dear!