Let’s say that one day you’re out jogging, or walking the dog, or whatever activiity most commonly takes you out of doors, when you see see an old man choking. Remembering your first aid training, you admnister the Heimlich manuever in the nick of time. Afterwards, looking at you in gratitude, the old man turns to you and says, “Meet me at this address tonight at sundown. Dress nicely.”
Doing as you’re told, you find that you’ve saved the life of the leader of theStonecutters. In gratitude, you are being inducted into the ranks of the people who keep the metric system down and control the British crown. Because you saved the life of the leader, you’re given your choice of committee assignments. You choose the movie/tv/recording artist committee. If the Stonecutters can make Steve Guttenburg a star, you think, then surely there’s someone more deserving you can make the biggest star in the world.
Who do you choose?
Ah! I forgot to answer my own question!
For me, it’s the lovely and alliterative Laura Linney. Any movie she wants the starring role in, she gets; I trust her judgment. In fact, any role she wants, she gets. Any interview she wants, she gets. She has approximately ten thousand times the talent of (shudder) Julia Roberts, and she deserves more recognition, damn it!
Anybody else?
Courtney Fairchild gets a shot at a big time label.
If acting talent and good looks were the only criteria, Jeff Fahey should have been a star long ago. While I’ve enjoyed his many B-movie efforts, I’d love to see this guy get the acclaim he deserves.
Ry Cooder, John Hiatt, David Lindley, and Maria Muldaur should all be bigger stars than they are.
Not to be cliche or anything, but… (assuming we’re not just talking about performers here): Joss Whedon
Kate Mara
Alan Tudyk
Selma Blair (what, I’ve got a crush)
Allison Mack
Scott Schwartz, just for the hell of it.
I vote for Chicago glam-rock icon Bobby Conn. I simply do not understand why he’s not the biggest rock star in the universe. His wee 5’4" frame oozes talent and charisma from every pore.
He is easily the best recording artist I’ve ever seen live, and I’ve seen a lot of people. Whether alone or with a band, he’s never short of mesmerizing. Why is he not the undisputed Rock God of the 21st century? I just. don’t. get it. :shakes head:
I simply could not narrow it down to just one.
Gillian Anderson. Yes, people, she isn’t always Agent Scully. Am I the only one who saw The House of Mirth?
Laura Linney. Again, see House of Mirth.
Elisabeth Shue. I know, I know-- Hollow Man and Hide and Seek sucked. But, c’mon! She was in Back to the Future Part II, Adventures in Babysitting and The Karate Kid. Cut her some slack.
Leelee Sobieski. Cute, despite the fact that she looks like Helen Hunt.
Thora Birch. Who’d 'ave thought that it’d be Scarlett who’d make it big after seeing Ghost World? Not I.
Holly Hunter. 'Member The Piano? She’s also got a killer body.
Mia Sara. What happened to your career?
Robin Wright Penn. See above.
Sarah Polley. Stop directing and go back to acting. Please.
Monica Potter. You are so gorgeous. Like Julia Roberts, but pretty. Why doesn’t anyone know who you are?
I think Kari Wuhrerprolly has what it takes to be an A-list star, though her career has been mostly B-movies and General Hospital stuff. She’s better looking than, and a better actress than Jennifer Garner.
Definitely myself. I’d be starring in revivals of Inherit the Wind, * Death of a Salesman*, and All My Sons before turning my attention to standup, while considering other “heavy” projects.
