Deciding it's time to end an old dog's life

[KneadToKnow]

A good vet will come to your home to do this last thing for you so the pet can be in their most comfortable surroundings when they go.

[lisacurl]

@chula

It’s an unseasonably warm day here today, so we went to this awesome dog-friendly park. We took our dogs there for our second date and have been there countless times. The walk is pretty long for our old guy, but it’s flat and we let him set the pace. He started limping bad half-way through and then started stumbling. My husband had to carry him back to the car. I just realized that was the last time he’s ever going to the park and I lost it.

Jesus, that made me cry here at my desk at work. I’m thinking of you and your husband during this difficult time. You’re making the right choice.

[SeaDragonTattoo]

@chula

We have reached a resolution. My husband just needed a little time to turn it over in his head. It would have been nice if he had said that to me, but he refused to discuss it at all and lashed out when I pushed the issue. It’s not the healthiest way of dealing with an emotional issue, but it’s not unusual. He says is thinking we should do it in the next few weeks. I think that’s a good amount of time to get used to the idea and say good-bye. I think you’re right, kambuckta, that right now it seems so awful, but once it’s done we can move on with our lives. My husband even admitted that it is going to be a relief to not have to care for him anymore.

Would your husband put up a fight with you taking the reins on the appointment and making it for Friday? Or whatever day of the week works where he has the next day off work? Having at least a day afterwards may help him work through some of his grief, while having a target date really may help him prepare and start with the grief process before hand. It’s just that it’s easy to keep putting it off because it can be hard to make that appointment and you seem more prepared for it than he is. Maybe since he’s agreed to it now, if the rest is taken out of his hands he can go along with it more easily?

I know about the guilt of feeling relief, but I think that’s a sign it’s maybe already gone on a bit long. If you will be relieved, I think your dog will be, too. You guys sound like good pet owners, and it’s really hard to let go.

[Cat_Whisperer]

I’ll chime in with everyone else - it really does sound like it’s time. We had to put my husband’s cat down last December - it was a very hard decision for the same reasons (she wasn’t obviously in pain or too sick or anything - just old and worn out with a few medical conditions that weren’t immediate life-or-death), but it became obvious that she was just plain done. Your poor old pooch just sounds done.

I hope your husband can find a way to come to terms with such a difficult decision.

[Scarlett67]

Please do it as soon as possible. Your dog is suffering. It’s the last kind and loving thing you can do for him. You are helping only yourselves and not him by prolonging it.

[Dereknocue67]

I believe you are handling this matter correctly with your current approach. It seems you first began seriously considering ending your dog’s life a short time ago but faced reluctance and an unwillingness to discuss the issue on your husband’s behalf. It appears you painstakingly led your husband down the path to reality and now he too is beginning to face the inevitable.

I guess my point is this. When two people share a companion animal facing the end of its life, both should agree when “it’s time” or risk possible hurt feelings from their partner if they subconsciously feel pushed into a decision. Unfortunately, there is no magic clock letting us know when that time arrives so we do the best we can and make a judgement call based on many factors. You made your decision and despite your husband going through denial which is the first stage of grief, your wisdom and patience has allowed him to follow.

As I said, I think you were taking the right approach before you decided to post here.

[chula]

I made an appointment with a vet who does in-home euthanasia next week. We spent the whole day crying about it. The dog was getting so much attention that he was much more alert than usual, making us feel like maybe the problem was just that we were neglecting him. My husband was reminiscing about all the crazy adventures the dog had had over the years, and it really drove home that those days are all behind him, even if we let him continue to live. I don’t think a dog could have hoped for a better life.

My husband says that he is grateful that I am taking the lead on this, because if he had to deal with it on his own he would let the dog go on way too long. I worry that my husband is not 100% on board though. I keep telling him that we’ll cancel if he has doubts.

Thank you for the responses. I’m glad I posted the question here. I had run across this letter to an advice column written by a woman in a very similar situation. Even though she wasn’t considering putting the dog down, people in the comments really attacked her. Some people who consider themselves animal lovers are just crazy misanthropes.

[otternell]

@chula

It’s an unseasonably warm day here today, so we went to this awesome dog-friendly park. We took our dogs there for our second date and have been there countless times. The walk is pretty long for our old guy, but it’s flat and we let him set the pace. He started limping bad half-way through and then started stumbling. My husband had to carry him back to the car. I just realized that was the last time he’s ever going to the park and I lost it.

I was doing fine until this post. I’ve got a 14 yr old dog, and we took him to the lake this weekend, and I thought about this subject a lot while we were out there.

Hugs chula sounds like you made the only decision that you could.

[Carryon]

@bobot

Chula, in my experience, when you think it’s time, that’s no error. When you can see that the animal is suffering, and the thought has even crossed your mind…and when your vet agrees, . It’s the toughest thing about having pets. Condolences.

I agree as well. If you think it is, it probably is time. My sympathies too you. Make sure you give him a good send off. Take pictures, including both dignified and silly ones. Give him a nice going away dinner.