Help me make the right decision for my dog

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m in a bad place with my poor doggie, and would love some opinions / experiences to help me through this one.

Doggie in question is a 15 1/2 year-old pug. She’s been the best doggie I’ve ever had. She did all the dog things: played, made me feel like I was the Best Person In The World, was cute, affectionate, all those things.

Note the word “was.”

Nowadays, she’s… old. Physically, nothing super bad is wrong with her; she doesn’t have any sort of cancer or other disease that will ultimately prove fatal. Vet says she could easily live for another year or two.

Mentally, though, she’s barely here. Definitely has some doggie dementia going, and it’s getting worse. She can’t see or hear very well, and she’s unsteady on her feet. She hasn’t gone up or down stairs in years, and though she can get along on flat ground she has difficulties at times.

She spends her days barking, eating, or sleeping. Any change in routine results in her being very anxious, to the point that she sometimes is anxious even if she’s in my or Mr. Athena’s lap. She’ll bark and be agitated as we’re trying to calm her down.

She’s starting to lose her potty training as well. We’d resigned ourselves to cleaning up poop since she doesn’t seem to have much bowel control - when she needs to go, she needs to go NOW and if we’re not able to drop everything and take her out we end up cleaning up a mess. And now she’s starting to do that with urine as well, MUCH harder to get out of carpet.

And, the barking. It’s gotten to the point that I dread nights. She typically sleeps in bed with me; some nights she’s fine. 3-4 nights a week, she wakes me up at least once. And on the bad nights, she barks and whines all night. I can put her in my office and close the door, where she paces and (lately) ultimately leaves a mess for me to clean up in the morning. We can drug her at night (vet gave us a prescription) but I ask myself - if we have to drug her every single night to sleep, what kind of life is that?

She’s also having trouble keeping herself clean after doing her business. We have to ensure her nether regions are cleaned properly at least once a day lest she ends up with a rash or infected.

So with all that… everything I read on the web says when it comes to end-of-life issues with dogs, look at their quality of life. From her perspective, I don’t know that it’s that bad. Sure, she’s anxious at times. But she eats well, she sleeps happily in my office during the day. But she doesn’t show joy at anything. Mr. Athena says he just doesn’t see the doggie we knew and loved for so long anymore; she’s just this thing that stumbles around our house. No emotion of any kind really, but she’s not in pain (I don’t think…)

But OUR quality of life is definitely affected. The “Will she sleep tonight?” question is causing both of us a fair bit of anxiety. Lately I’ve had a bad cold, and I can’t get the rest I need because she wakes me up so much. We want to take vacations, and although we have a great pet sitter, I don’t know that I’d feel good leaving her. How can we ask a pet sitter to wipe our dog’s butt once a day, much less potentially not sleep and deal with her barking all the time because she so anxious?

Given that the past few years have been difficult for us to get away on vacation because of elderly family members also having difficulties, I was looking forward to finally being able to be a little carefree in my life and be able to, say, take a weekend vacation without worry. Not sure I can with doggie in the state she’s in.

Writing this all down, the answer seems pretty clear, but… I feel like a shit for doing it. Talk me through this one. The path was a lot clearer with other pets I’ve had, who inevitably had some sort of disease that was killing them or a bad accident or something like that. I’ve never had to deal with this one before.

2

I’m so sorry. We just had to go through the same thing with our 15 year old pup. Once he started needing to go out multiple times a night, my wife and I were becoming zombies due to the lack of sleep. He seemed happy, but his rear end was giving out. But, him not sleeping indicated he was no longer comfortable. Also, he started panting more than he should which probably meant he wasn’t comfortable. We were fretting we were doing it too soon, but the day after we realized it was the right time. It’s been a little over two months. :frowning:

Not sure my rambly reply helps. It’s a super tough decision and one I’ve dreaded every time (I’ve had to make the decision four times now). Out of the four, I’ve felt I waited too long twice, but I’ve never felt I made the decision too early. They all had good lives and I have fond memories of them all.

3

I’ve been through this so many times in the past, and it never gets easier. But just remember that “quality of life” means your own, as well as the dog’s. Is your life with this dog one of joy, or one catastrophe after another? She may not be in physical pain, but mental pain is just as much a quality of life issue, for you and her alike.

4

My heart goes out to you. We had a similar experience with our boxer Rocco. He was 9 yo and contracted Lyme’s disease. Then he was diagnosed with Addison’s disease. So he did have some health issues, but with meds he was ok. But within 6 months, he got to the point of just being a lump on the couch. He didn’t seem to enjoy life anymore. He didn’t do any of the things that made him who he was anymore. He ate and slept fine, but if he wasn’t sleeping he just kind of stood there in a daze. He’d wander around aimlessly - one time I found him in the bedroom closet just standing there looking at the wall. I hadn’t seen his little nub (docked tail) wiggle in a very long time and boy it used practically vibrate! He had to wear a diaper for urine leakage. He was still able to control his pooping.

He was such a great dog. So smart and so loveable. He was almost human the way he understood everything. He was a giant lap dog. He was the typical exuberant boxer - everyone that met him fell in love with him. I remember my mom saying, “he must be magical the way everyone falls in love with him”. He WAS magical.

A few months before his 10th birthday, we made the horrible decision that it was time. I don’t know if he was in pain or suffering in any way, but I know he wasn’t enjoying anything. The light in his eyes was gone. It was horrible to have to make that decision, but in the end, it was a huge relief.

Take care - my thoughts are with you.

5

I went through exactly this not very long ago. I delivered my nearly 15-year old greyhound into the arms of God this past January. She had a long (obviously), healthy and happy life but had been in a slow decline just like your pup. One difference is that my Capri only had physical decline, mentally she was as sharp as day one. This difference might have made it easier for me and my husband to know when her time came, because she effectively told us. In her last week she still had an appetite but her back legs were so weak that she could no longer stand up to eat. I tried to encourage her to eat laying down but she wouldn’t have it (cranky old lady, lol). I know my girl, we’ve always had very good nonverbal communication between the two of us. She would start to eat, start to fall down, and get frustrated with herself and just go lay down and then refuse to eat. She got so frustrated with her failing body. At one point I knew that she knew she was not going to get better, and she was so sick and tired of the hassle of dealing with a body that wouldn’t do what she wanted. So we knew it was time.

You do have to be strong, meaning you have to suck up your pain of loss and take their pain unto yourself to relieve them of it. The highest act of love is to deliver them gently and lovingly into the arms of God (or universe, whatever your beliefs hold). They know you’re doing it, they know you love them and that you are doing this because you care for them.

I told my husband after we lost Capri that although I was sad at her loss and missed her terribly (still do, and am weeping a bit writing this), I felt a sense of satisfaction. She had a long, happy and healthy life, and a sweet, gentle end. I felt no guilt at making the call.

I have also had the experience of having to euthanize a beloved pet after horrible illness. My Ajax suffered horribly before we could put him down and it was such a horrible experience for me, too, that I came out of it with a lot of rage. I deeply resented the universe or God or whatever for torturing my beloved boy like that. I also felt guilty for not discovering his illness sooner, so that I could make the call sooner and save him from enduring what he did. Capri’s ending by comparison was much, much better.

6

We’re in a similar state at my home, I feel for you, it’s very hard to watch.

Mine is leaking, but sleeps in one spot, so it’s a case of changing the linen and doing lots of laundry. His feet are coming out from under him, especially on the hardwood floors. So the house is strewn with yoga mats from the $ store, cut lengthwise, so he can get about. I notice his eyesights declining, I need to put the light on so he’ll step onto the porch to go outside, at night the dark carpet makes it hard for him to see.

We are also planning some travel, but I know I won’t be able leave him in someone’s care like this, it’s several months away yet. But still on my mind.

But mine is still very happy, eats and poops fine, loves his walks still (shorter, slower, stop lots!), and is plenty loving. I can see how those things would make a big difference for us.

Our vet recommended turmeric tablets, to reduce inflammation, reasoning he may be having pain though we can’t find any particular cause. They seem to help, he’s panting less and seems more comfortable.

I’m not sure any of us here can give you any answers, but you should reconsider drugging her at night perhaps as that seems your most pressing issue. Maybe every other night? At least then, a night she’s not drugged but does not wake you, means three nights sleep for your household! Making the next bothersome night possibly easier to bear? Just an idea.

Wishing you Good Luck, I know how hard it must be to deal with!

7

Thanks everyone for the stories and feedback; I know what needs doing, it’s just so damn hard.

Mr. Athena just brought her outside. It’s a warm sunny day, the snow is gone enough that she has sunlight and a yard to walk around in. She went out, peed, and then just… stood there. Even a month ago she’d make an effort of walking around and smelling things now that winter is breaking. Now just… nothing.

When we took her back upstairs to come to my office, she walked right into the halfway-closed door. :frowning: Not hurt, but this is an area/room she’s VERY familiar with. She seems to be getting worse by the week.

8

It is hard. But the final gift we can give our beloved pups is also our final obligation: to let them go before their lives consist solely of misery. Your sweet dog has lost most of the pleasure she had in life. Help her to slip away easily and without pain.

I wish dogs lived longer. 15 years just isn’t enough, is it?

9

I’ve had to make the call a few times. Not pleasant. Get through it, afterwards give yourself time to grieve. It’s a process. I wish you peace.

10

I’m sorry the time is near, it never does get any easier. Do yourself a favor and check to see if Lap of Love operates in your area. You register online, make your decisions regarding what kind of care you prefer and when you’re ready you just make one call to schedule and a vet comes out to perform the euthanasia and to dispose of the body. It’s not the cheapest route, but for a dog with anxiety and dementia I think it’s an advantage to take care of things at home to keep both your and the doggos stress levels manageable. Lap of Love contracts with independent local vets so you’re supporting a local businessperson (if that matters to you) and they’re incredibly sensitive and kind to deal with. My friend is the local LoL vet and she came to help me with Widget a couple years ago when the cancer got too bad for him. I’m so sorry this is happening, but I can tell you that this is a super low stress way of dealing with end of life for your beloved pupper.

11

Thanks for the recommendation. My vet actually offers that service through their own office, we unfortunately found that out last year when our other pug’s cancer finally took him. It IS a lot better to handle it at home, plus we’ve worked with the vet for years so she’s familiar to our dogs.

I think this thread has helped me realize that it IS the time, so now I’m left with just having to pick a day. Ugh. I need some time to process that, it’s not going to happen in the next week or so unless something really changes. But at least I know where we’re headed.

12

From what you describe, I’d put her down. Just my opinion.

I have personal experience viewing my old dogs at their absolute best, and allowing that to obscure the overall poor quality of their life. So what you say is familiar. But continence and not disturbing my sleep are pretty high on the very short list of what I require of my dogs. I make sure my dogs have fantastic lives while they are able, but when they start seriously going downhill, I put them down and get another.

You’ve given this pup 15 good years. When you got her, you KNEW she’d pass before you. Do you want to remember her as the vital dog she was, or as the senile thing that needs its butt wiped? I recommend saying goodbye and, after whatever you determine is the right amount of time - getting a new pup.

Sorry if this sounds harsh. I don’t mean anything to be critical - just speaking plainly about something I feel strongly about.

I’ve had dogs all my adult life. They’ve always been bigger dogs (mostly goldens), and none made it past 11. Current guy was 10 last Sept. Seems pretty spry and definitely mentally with it, but bigger dogs tend to go downhill pretty fast.

13

Dogs are not happy with themselves when they poop or pee where they shouldn’t. They know they are supposed to go outside to do that. I have seen some of mine show genuine embarrassment.

14

I broke my heart a few weeks ago, when I had to put my 13 year old constant companion, Opie, down. This dog had been through everything with me, I had cried so many times into his fur as I struggled with tough choices, and he saved my daughter several times when things were darkest for her.

All of a sudden, he was sick. Stopped eating and drinking. Would not excitedly greet me, and whines and shook. He was in pain, and we tried hard to help. He went on pain killers and CBD oil. We gave him fluids, and he seemed to rebound, so we fed him McDonalds burgers and celebrated because he seemed to be recovering.

Then he stopped eating or drinking again, and would not walk up the stairs. He would not come to me when I called - and he would ALWAYS come to me when I called, even when he was attacked and his throat half torn out, he still came to me.

I cuddled him, and cried over him and told him that he was the best dog, and that I loved him.

He wagged his tail for the first time in three days, and then it stopped, and he was gone.

After losing my stepdad, and then my mom, I felt like I was going to die from all of the sadness.

My final act of love was letting him free of pain, and loving him to his last heartbeat and beyond.

15

Sorry to hear about your doggy, Athena. It’s so so so hard to make that call, I’ll be thinking of you and Mr. Athena.

16

(((((Athena)))))

I’ve been through this myself. It sounds like your dog’s QOL is rapidly deteriorating, and it’s one of those things where if you feel the need to even ask the question, that time has come.

:frowning:

17

I am so sorry you need to make this decision. It’s never easy and I still miss my last hound, who we had to let go two years ago. You’ve had 15 years of good times. That’s a long time in dog years. If I could choose to die in the arms of someone who loved me, I’d do that. You can give that to her.

18

George taking care of Lennie seems very apropos to this situation.

19

I think a lot of vets are picking up that doing euthanasia at home is really the easiest course for everyone, including the vet staff. Sure, it means your vet is out of the office for a significant period of time but it also means that clients in for their puppy shots or to get their kitteh neutered don’t have to deal with the sobbing aftermath of people who had to let their pets go. It’s also so much easier for the animal not to have their last trip in the car being to the Scary Place. When SpaceDawg had to say goodbye the local vet came out to take care of her because she weighed 120 lbs at the time and her shoulder was destroyed with bone cancer so getting her in and out of even a fairly low van with a side door was excruciating for everyone–letting her go at home was such a peaceful alternative that I don’t think I could ever go back to the old way. Having a friend who’s the local Lap of Love vet does make it all so much easier.

I’m hoping you can make your pupper’s last days lavish and spoil her rotten in every way open to you. Even with her doggie dementia she knows you on the most basic, primal level so keeping her around as much as you can and petting the heck out of her is a great way of letting her know how loved she is and will help you to let her go. Blessed be to all of you.

20

Update: Her incontinence has gotten really bad over the past couple days. We came home Thursday evening after going out to dinner to find her lying next to a pool of urine. Friday was a lot of leaking, and then Friday night she just kept peeing. Found some on the carpet, brought her out a gazillion times, and took her water away. She slept with me, and I woke up in the middle of the night to find that she’d peed on the bed. She hadn’t woken up at all, it just came out of her. She has NEVER done this before.

At this point, I’m like :dubious:. Old-age stuff does not come on THIS suddenly. A week ago she has having no urinary issues in the house, though she needed some help cleaning herself after going out.

So up and to the vet as soon as they opened this AM. Sure enough, she’s got a bladder infection going that is likely the cause of her incontinence - apparently these infections can affect the muscles down there and cause this kind of leakage.

What I did NOT think to ask the vet was if it could be causing some of her constant barking and general mental decline. I know with humans that bladder infections can cause really weird mental issues in the elderly. I’m wondering if that’s the same for dogs? Maybe it’s wishful thinking, idk. The vet DID say that other than this infection she seemed really healthy. I’m not even sure if that’s good or bad news; if the urine problems go away but we’re left with anxiety, pacing and barking… I’m not sure that’s a positive outcome. On the other hand, if some of those go away along with the infection, lil’ girlie doggy might be here a bit longer than this thread has previously assumed.