I have a terrible time making even small decisions. I don’t like to shop with other people because I know it’s very annoying for them when I run back and forth picking things up and putting them back down. Now I have a decision to make that involves several factors and I can’t seem to stop juggling it all around and act. The old “flip a coin and you’ll know what you want before it lands” trick isn’t working. I tried listing pros and cons, but some points carry a lot more weight than others.
I actually think this is good advice, and IS of some help.
Sometimes making the second best choice is good enough, and was the right choice at the time.
I think people get trapped into believing there is only one right choice and the rest are therefore 100% wrong.
I find that when I’m having that much trouble deciding something, that something else is wrong or I’m simply afraid of change. You just have to pick one and move in that direction or find out what is holding you back.
Pencils have erasers. Mistakes are correctable. Begin a course of action and you can always change it if necessary. And remember Eternal Truth #33: All important decisions must be made on the basis of insufficient information.
Make the decision with the least amount of options first. That will narrow things down and make your life a lot easier.
Like say when you are buying a computer, decide on the processor first. There aren’t as many choices and it will reduce the options you have on the rest of your hardware.
Let’s see, that’s a big thank you to everyone who replied (especially Harriet, because I dig book recommendations), and an affectionate thump to Leaffan, Bosstone, and tdn.
I’ve read all the replies and considered them carefully and I believe I know what I’m going to do now. (I’ll change my mind at three in the morning, but never mind that.) Thanks, guys.
If you actually have a list of pros and cons and weights for each, you can use an analytical method to get an answer. In a spreadsheet, list the criteria down the left (say in column A) with the corresponding weight next to it (in column B). It’s best if you use weights that add up to 1 (or to 100% if you prefer).
Then list the options across the top (say in row 1).
Rate each option on each criteria in the corresponding cell (i.e. for the criteria in row 3 and the option in column D put the rating in cell D3). Use the same scale across all criteria if possible (say, a rating scale of 1-5 or if you have negatives on some options/criteria, -5 to +5 or -2 to +2).
Then multiply the ratings times the weights for each option. Total up these ratings*weights for each option across all criteria. The one with the highest total is the winner.
This is hard to explain without an example so if this would be helpful and you’d like to see a sample spreadsheet, PM me with your email address and I’ll send a sample.
No wait. I once saw him interviewed and he said “Think about the worst that could happen. Then think about the worse that would plausibly happen. Then make your decision.”
If I go to the Broadway show and sleep late, the worse that could possibly happen is I’ll be late to work the next day and be fired. The worse that would plausibly happen is I’ll be late to work and get chewed out. But it is a great show.
What I usually do is make the decision, and then wait a few seconds to see how it feels. If my gut screams, “NO! WAIT!” then I reverse it. If I just get silence or vague uneasiness, I go ahead with it. (This is for “tie-breakers” that I can’t logic my way out of only, I don’t go with my gut when it involves wondering if I should walk in front of a moving bus or not.)
I’m not sure if this will help or not, but researchers recently found that when you think you’ve made a decision, you’re wrong. You made it ages ago, in brain time. This suggests that we don’t make decisions with our conscious minds at all, rather we make them unconsciously and then *rationalize *that decision consciously.
And if you put your mind to it, you can rationalize anything at all.
I have no advice on this because I am the total opposite type. I make decisions in seconds and I get very frustrated with people that risk losing something they want due to being unsure.
Case in point.
I was at an auction with my sister. She was admiring a painting of an artist that she already has a few pieces. She kept going back and forth whether to bid on it. I got sick of hearing about it and just ended up winning it. “I will give it to you as a birthday present.”
A couple of days later she handed me the money and said she wants to pay for it herself as she would be kicking herself had she had lost it.
I guess the way I think about it is I’ve beat myself up in the past much more for the things I didn’t get than the things I did. If you feel the same, then the decisions are much easier. If you want it, can afford it then get it.
