I’m not conversant enough in the communication styles of women or straight men (at least in the context of romantic relationships) to contribute to the other threads, but I’ve found them both greatly entertaining. And it occurred to me – who is better at passive-aggression, double entendres, coded speech, etc., than gay men?
I know that we as a group are sensitive to stereotyping, but I also know we can laugh at ourselves. So let’s not get all uptight and up-in-arms.
I’ll start:
I’m versatile. I’m a bottom.
It’s not you, it’s me. You don’t make enough money.
Do I look fat? Should I start sniffing coke again?
(This one is specific to Washington, DC, but I’m sure other cities have equivalents):
I work on Capitol Hill. The restaurant where I wait tables is on Capitol Hill.
In the personals, if an ad says “discreet” or “straight-acting” it means I’m still in the closet – possibly even married – and just want to screw but never be seen in public with you.
“Let’s move in together” I know @ 35 I’m too old to be living with my parents - but I spend too much on clothes & my car payment to afford to pay rent by myself
“I love you” Love, lust…what’s the fucking difference?
“I’m a bear” Screw the norms & the Fab 5…I’ve found a subculture where there’s no need to care about grooming, back hair or keeping in shape
“I’m a rice queen” I’ve discovered an easier, legal and more acceptable way of dating adolescent-looking males
“The tracking on the VCR as all screwed up” Where in the hell did you put the poppers?
“Anonymous sex just isn’t as fullfilling” I only go to park-n-ride once a week
“He’s a fucking slut” Everytime I see that guy at a circuit party, bathouse or black party, he picks up better looking guys than I do
“I can’t stand sharing a bar with lesbians” Not only can these dykes outdrink me, beat me at darts & outshhot me in pool…if I hear Heart’s ‘Barracuda’ on the jukebox one more time tonight, I’m gonna scream
“I only date older gentlemen” Not only do I have an electra complex, you don’t make enough money
“I like all kinds of music” I listen to Broadway show tunes, Barbara Streisand AND Judy Garland
I’ll be there in 20 minutes. I will be there btwn 20 minutes to 2 hours
I’m naturally hairless.
I spend 30 minutes a day on hair removal.*
Honest to god I had a roomate who would do that, a hairy egyptian guy who spent at least that much time on hair removal a day, and when I heard him say that I started laughing so hard I had to leave the room.
“Not tonight…I have a headache” Not tonight, I have a hemorrhoid
“Thanks for the drink - but I usually only date latino, black and italian guys” If that basket’s holding 8 or more, the next round’s on me
“I’m very athletic” I play beach volleyball at least twice a year on Fire Island
“You’ve never been on a gay cruise?” You’ve never attended a 1,500 man orgy on the ocean?
“Bartender, give me a vodka cranberry” I’ll have a Grey Goose Cosmopolitan with Lakewood Brand pure organic cranberry juice a lime garnish and one of those cute drink umbrellas in an iced-down martini glass