No Straignt Man in the World Would Ever say That

Mundane Pointless Stuff I Must Share (MPSIMS)
#1

The thread on outing famous people got me thinking about regular people.

What are good tips to figure out if he is or isn’t gay.

I have two. The title of the thread refers to my first.

I had a friend who collects Hardrock Cafe pins. He keeps them in a box. I asked him why he doesn’t put them in a nice display case in his living room so everyone could see them. His answer “No, that is really more of a den piece.” I’m sorry but, no straight man would ever say that

The second tip (this has never failed me yet) Wait till a guy gets a haircut. Then go up and compliment him. A straight man will say thank you and let it drop. Not a gay guy. He’ll always go into details. (oh yes it is nice…It’s nice to find someone who knows how to cut hair or oh no I liked it better when…)

A third tip (works about 97% of the time) if you are in retail, hotel, travel or airlines, are over 30 and not married. You’re gay. Then again if you’re over 30 and not married everyone thinks you’re gay anyway.

#2

Could this post be moved to the BBQ Pit ao that it may recieve the responses it so richly deserves?

They call me MISTER Wizard!

#3

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!

::wiping tears of laughter from my eyes::

Best I can do till it gets to the BBQ Pit.

I have as much authority as the Pope; I just don’t have as many people who believe it! - George Carlin

#4

Let’s run down that list:

Am I over 30? Yes.
Am I married? No.
Do I talk all about my haircuts? No.
Do I dote on interior decorating? Hell no.
Do I have a lisp? Nope.
Have I ever had sex with a man? No.
Do I work in retail? No.
Hotel? Nope.
Travel? No way.
Airlines? You couldn’t get me to get into an airplane.
Am I compulsively neat? No, I’m a slob.
Do I try to lure or “recruit” sexual partners? No.
Do I approve of extra-marital sex? No.
Do I have limp wrists? Nope.
Am I a Christian? Well, if you ask Adam, I’m not, but yes.

Am I gay? Yup. Or, as my religion calls it, I have “same-sex attraction.”

Watch those stereotypes, folks. Gay people are people, and the same diversity that is common among all members of the human race applies to “gays” as well. I had an uncle who once said to me that he could spot a homosexual a mile away. To me! Right under his nose was a closet gay, and he had the lack of understanding that is so common today with so many.

I don’t have sex with other men. I don’t advocate gay marriages. So please don’t lump all gays into the same ball of wax and tell us there are “surefire” ways of telling what our sexual orientation is.

Okay, this rant is done.

Lemonade…10 cents
Snakes…50 cents

#5

Watch that circumstantial evidence. When My husband and I bought our house, my sister was over everyday helping me clean it and get things moved in (she was on vacation, and spent it helping me out).
To make a long story short, she was seen coming and going out of the house, as was I- we were at the grocery store together and the hardware store. We are lunch at the town diner.
The neighbors saw me mowing the yard, doing repairs and hanging out in my football jersey and baseball hat with no makeup (which I don’t wear anyway). Even though they also saw my husband (on occasion- he works weird hours) It was assumed that a gay female couple moved in here. (Big news in a very small town).
I only know this because when my one neighbors came over to “say hello” (and get the dirt, I imagine) I introduced her to my sister. The look on her face was priceless. She stammered and stuttered, and when I mentioned my husband, she just looked totally confused. A few years later a younger couple neighbor related the story to me about how the tounges were flapping (no pun intened) when I moved in here.

Not everyone who “gives off the vibe” is gay, and what the hell is the difference anyway?

Minding your own business is the single most simplifying thing you can do in your life. It really is.
Zette

Some mornings it just doesn’t seem worth it to gnaw through the leather straps.
http://www.angelfire.com/ny3/zettecity/index.html

#6

Markxx, I hope you were joking with this post, 'cause otherwise you’re an idiot.

My story to share:

My mom and my sisters and I always hug and kiss each other hello and goodbye when we see each other. People are always giving us dirty looks like “can’t those damn lesbians keep their hands off each other in public?”

People are so fuckin’ ignorant.

Leslie Irish Evans
http://leslie.scrappy.net

#7

I’m gay and I have a lisp. But it is a whistle that comes out occasionally.

#8

I’m a lesbian.

I sure my wife suspects, because I’m always looking at girls.

She even caught me with a Playboy once.

Told her I just got it for the articles.

According to the Pope, a woman can be a saint, but not a priest.

#9

I have to say there is a reason for the stereotype of any race, creed or sexual orientation out there folks. The Irish, though most are sober, earned a reputation for drinking and fighting, are they stereotyped, sure. Jews are stereotyped for being penny pinchers and into guilt ( oh wait, so are catholics only catholics have more kids.)…you get the picture…

But I will say that I know what the OP is getting at. There is a friend of my brother in laws who is so obviously flaming that if he wasn’t gay he would be doing the perfect impersonation of a gay guy. It is not my place, nor anyone else’s, to out him ( and he won’t out himself because his Christian views tell him it is immoral and unnatural, but that is another thread), but when he made the announcement that he was taking figure skating lessons (fer cryin’ out loud), everyone in the room just looked at each other in silent confirmation that, " Yep, he’s gay." ( Incidently, the other adults in the his skating class were ALL over 30 males,and everyone of them fit the stereotype that non-flamboyant,non-limpwristed gay guys hate.)

Incidently, how did I figure out my old hairdresser/stylist was gay? I was flipping through a People’s 50 most beautiful people issue while he colored my hair and came to the page with JFK jr. on it. Tim said, " Oh, isn’t he to DIE for." Until that comment, I assumed he was straight.

#10
      • I have been told that I have gay socks. I only buy wool or synthetic or wool hiking or athletic socks, because they are most comfortable. Many are darker colors that are easy to match with many of the shirts I wear - I have a mildly dirty job, so all the shirts I wear to work are dark colors. I never noticed, and I never thought anyone else would notice until someone pointed it out to me, that apparently on a guy, matching socks and shirt = gay. I asked a few people at work (“Are my socks gay?”) and several trustworthy co-workers agreed, or wouldn’t respond. - I’m crushed; maybe there’s some sort of support network for “Guys With Gay Socks.” - MC
#11

Zette:seems like you could have had months of fun with that!

#12

Zette: Your story of you and your sister being mistaken reminds me of a simular experience.

I often take my sister on outings with me. She is legally blind, and somewhat handicapped (though it isn’t obvious) so she needs someone to drive her everywhere. She also has purple hair - which I suppose gives her an “alternative” look. I look like - I dunno - me. I don’t look stereotypically lesbian-esque, (whatever that means.) I have long hair, always wear a little makeup when I go out - I dunno - I think I look like your average woman. I could be either or. I think, same with my sister. She’s just got purple hair, that’s all. But I guess there is something the way I “hover” over her (she has crappy vision and a fake leg - gotta watch her) that makes people assume something. Usually this is not a big deal, people just raise their eyebrows when they find out the truth, and say with astonishment - "Oh, you are sisters!" That amuses us, but does not offend us.

But there was this one time where it really pissed us off, and we felt immense sympathy for what gay people must endure from jerks. We went to a ceramic supply store in Simi Valley, CA (conservative copland) and were treated SO strangely there. The sales people would not look us in the eye, tried to avoid us or ignore us, treated us like lepers. All the while we stammered in wonderment, feeling really weird, and knowing that we had done nothing to set them off. We both instinctively knew that they assumed we were gay. (It explained why a gay friend of ours calls Simi Valley “Slimy Valley”.) We bought the supplies we came for, all the time feeling very unwelcome. We only hope that the sales people later noticed that both our checks showed that we had the SAME LAST NAME. We were sisters, dammit!
What creeps. We got a little taste of how gay people are treated. How utterly crappy.

#13

Shirley Ujest had the idea I was going for in my OP.

It’s like when a girl says “My girlfriend and I saw a great movie” that could mean lover or just a friend who is a girl. But no straight man would ever say. “My boyfriend and I saw a great movie”

#14

Let’s see…I’m:
Over 30.
Unmarried.
Love art.
Excellent cook.
Hug men.
Have nonsexual girlfriends.
Have had sex with men.
Don’t even like to be associated with the word straight.
Definitely heterosexual.

If it makes you feel any better:
I’m not neat.
I’m not fashionable.
I haven’t had a professional haircut in 20 years.
No lisp or limp wrist.
Lousy dancer.
I hate the smell of Pollo.
The hugging is an AA thing.(but I love the uncomfortable stares it draws in public) :slight_smile:

#15

Hmmmm lesee here.

I’m 23
I’m single
I’m a slob
I love football
I love beer
I love porn
I don’t have female friends
I don’t cry
I don’t match clothes
I don’t like show tunes
I hate Streisand and Liza
I love fast cars
I don’t mind using urinals and troughs
I’d rather watch MTV than read
and…
I’m a raging heterosexual…oh, wait…Damn steroetypes ;).

#16

Hmmm…

I have limp wrists, I hate sports, I love to dance, I love the Pet Shop Boys and 70s-80s dance music, I frequently address men by cross-gender nouns, I know the difference between bitching, kvetching, and reading someone, and can do all three fluently, I like to serve food, I like nice (but not designer) clothes, and I’m a student activist.

I’m sorry, but every stereotype is based on someone. It’s wrong to think that every gay man is like this, but one must remember that SOME gay men ARE. Just call me a case in point, girlfriend.

#17

just want to clarify… the main thing is I’m sick of getting grief for being stereotypical. Well, I’m not being stereotypical; I act the way I like to. It just happens to coincide in a number of ways with the gay = femme stereotype. Well, so what? It beats the gay = brainless macho gym queen clone stereotype.

#18

Right on, Matt! No one wants to acknowledge “sissyphobia”, and I’m sick of it!

When I was a little kid, I didn’t spend all my time trying to prove I was way different from girls. As an adult, I don’t spend all my time trying to prove there’s no way I’m gay. I would be proud of my personality and personality-related behaviors and mannerisms regardless of whether I was a stereotype-confirming gay fellow or an against-stereotype het male.

Designated Optional Signature at Bottom of Post

#19

You’re sure that wasn’t just a really bad attempt at humor?

#20

I’m not gay - however:

I like boyish women
I don’t ogle women
I treat women with respect
I like to work in the Theatre
I tend to be flamboyant on stage
I have known many gay friends
I’m quiet, introspective
I like to read quietly in the corner
I hate sports
I hate cars
I hate drinking
I have not had sex

I have a feeling some people think I’m gay. And this may be one of the reasons women don’t look on me as being a potential partner.

Darn it.

“So what you are telling me, Percy, is that something you have never seen is slightly less blue than something else that you have never seen.”