Deer! Suburbs! Me! In a Truck! AAAUUGGHH!!

So I’m riding along this afternoon, running my little pest control route in the suburbs of New York. I’m in a residential area, a road I’ve travelled, quite literally, hundreds, actually, thousands of times.

From the corner of my eye, I see what I initially take to be a large dog running through a yard and into the road. Only it wasn’t a large dog. It was a deer.

Since I was driving fairly slowly to begin with, and since I had seen movement to the side, I was able to slow down enough to not even come close to a disaster. The large deer was followed by a smaller deer (I say smaller, but I’ll bet it weighed 300 - 350 pounds, easily).

I’ve never come that close to hitting a deer before. Yikes! In the middle of suburbia, too! What were they thinking? Go back to Bear Mountain, where you can run in safety!

Be glad you don’t live in Moose Country!

Deer sure can be a serious problem. The population is way out of control in my area. A friend hit a deer a few years back and she was lucky to live through it. The deer hit her driver’s door and its hoof smashed her in the mouth. She lost several teeth and has had multiple surgeries over time to repair the damage.

I’ve never had a close call, but the idea terrifies me. I’m glad you’re OK.

The husband of one of my friends hit a moose with his pickup truck a few weeks ago. He died, but their daughter who was beside him was OK.

Thanks. I was never in any danger, but it really gave me pause.

Wait, deer don’t have paws.

Okay, it gave me hooves.

Huh?

Watch out, Dave! I hear the insurance racket folks have been recruiting the deer - you know the drill – “bright lights, big city, become an urbanite!”

Virgin suburban greenery and all that. Sure. They’re on a mission.

In Georgia a few years ago, I nearly hit a deer in my own driveway. As a friend there described them, “They’re pestiferous around here.”

Sounds like you guys grow deer a lot bigger up north, though!

Yeah, and then they’re mesmerized by the bright lights, and they just stand there, transfixed, and WHAM!! They wind up on A Current Affair.

Oh, dear. I’m so sorry! I’ve heard that moose are more deadly because they have such long legs that they come right in through the windshield.

Down here in Georgia, some of the bowhunters are organizing to get rid of the deer that plague the suburbs.

The deer numbers are really high down here now. You really have to be careful driving in some parts of the state at night.

I know deer are bigger up north, but 300/350 lbs. for the smaller deer sounds a little high to me. But hey, I wasn’t there…

You’d think that deer would be safer out in the sticks, but it’s illegal to hunt 'em in most towns and cities. Our ancestors wiped out their natural enemies long ago. Modern deer are only threatened by hunters and cars. There really aren’t enough hunters to go around, so the deer in some parts really do reach pest status. I know folks who can’t grow roses or other yummy shrubs except as deer food.

A friend of mine wants me to go deer hunting with him. As a human, I suppose, it’s my duty to take over the role of the wolves Great-Grandpa slew, but I don’t see the appeal of lurking in the bone-chilling cold at dawn, then gutting a beast larger than myself out in the frozen woods. Venison is not one of my favorite meats, so I’d probably give the meat to charity.

Quite so. It’s illegal to discharge firearms in the city limits of a lot of municipalities. The deer don’t know this, but it sure limits one’s ability to thin the herd.

Except with one’s automobile, that is.

I’ve known more people who’ve totaled their car by hitting deer than any other form of accident. I live in the Texas hill country, and the place is lousy with them during the summer.

And moose are a LOT bigger than deer. Ghod, I don’t even wanna IMAGINE what a MOOSE would do to a car. Makes me glad we only have to worry about DEER down here…

We lose one or two motorists most every year to moose. The moose population is so large that we have moose visitations in urban settings all the time. I live in a small community just outside of Anchorage, and I see moose in my yard or in close vicinity every week during spring, summer, and fall.