Yesterday, I learned that my favorite cousin, “HANNAH”, had been admitted to the hospital for a serious condition. I wanted to visit her ASAP, something my worthless eyeballs makes more complicated than it was a few years ago. Not being an idiot, I did not wish to expose her to my three bio kids, all under eight years old and suffering from one version of the sniffles or another. Therefore I arranged for my stepdaughter to sit with them today while I found some other way there.
When I arrived at Hannah’s hospital room, she was happy to see me but wondered how I had gotten there, since I was clearly not with Cinderella the Rhymer. I asked if she wanted the truth or the official story, whereupon she smiled and said that I should just be myself. So I told her a series of tall tales that began with my riding to the hospital mounted on a stolen rhinoceros and culminated with my claiming I had to leave within minutes because I was being pursued by the Justice League for my complicity in the sinking of Núnenor. Hannah appeared to enjoy the ridiculous stories.
Also present while I was visiting with Hannah was another of our cousins, “STEVE”, a Pentecostal minister with whom I do not get along with in any way because we are incompatible species of asshole. (Hannah is not an asshole of any genus.)  at one point during the visit we were both chased out of Hannah’s room by her nurse. During this time, Steve opined to me that I should not have been telling lies to Hannah, as deceit is never justified. I thought about explaining to Steve that there had been no deceit involved, as Hannah had not been intended to believe any of my clearly impossible stories, only amused by them. I realized I was about to engage Steve in one-on-one conversation, something that is definitely my policy to avoid, so I shrugged and said something like “Whatever, dude.”
Which brings us to the thread question. I am not interested in discussing whether my behavior with Hannah was correct, as it clearly was and only a Pentecostal biblical literalist (another term for “asshole”) could think otherwise. Instead I would like to discuss the definition of lying. To wit: is a lie any untruthful statement, regardless of the knowledge and/or intention of the utterer? Is, rather, a lie only a statement that the speaker SHOULD know is untrue, whether or not they actually do, and whether or not they intend to deceive? Or is a lie a statement that the utterer intends to use to deceive, regardless of its truth or falsity?
I would say number three. In that sense, the tall tales I told Hannah to cheer her up we’re not lies because I had no intention of her believing them. It wouldn’t have mattered if she were so credulous as to believe I had actually stolen a rhino or pissed off Namor; only my intent matters. Contrariwise, I could have lied to her by telling her the literal truth about who had driven me by phrasing my response so she would not believe it.
Do the possibilities I listed above include your definition of lying, or do you prefer some alternative I left out?