You know, I reread that, and I feel really stupid.
Because, of course, my genitals were involved. Therefore, by my definition, it would have been sex. It made sense in my head, I swear!
Nevermind. This is why I generally stay out of GD.
Well…I’ve gone no further than “digital stimulation” and I still consider myself a virgin. I would think that to be considered a non-virgin would take actual penetration.
Greta Christina has an excellent essay on this topic in a book called The Erotic Impluse.
She says that when she started having sex, she counted penetration of her vagina with a penis. Then when she started having sex with women - which doesn’t ever include such penetration.
Very good.
I’ve always loved the concept that “foreplay begins before dinner”. The idea is that sex begins as soon as we begin thinking about it. Any action taken by yourself or with a group which achieves any measure of sexual satisfaction. I like this definition becasue it allows me to think of virtually anything as some kind of sex. 
As far as virginity is concerned my definition means that no sane adult is a virgin. I think the concept is not useful anyway so we really havn’t lost anything.
I think the general definition of “virgin” is a female who has never been penetrated, in the conventional penile/vaginal intercourse sense. Or sorta the reverse for a male.
But my def of “having sex” is a lot broader than that. So, as you say, Monica, you may have had sex but can still be a virgin.
It’s all spelled out there, but it varies from state to state. That’s why Clinton pulled a sneaky–he said “I did not have sexual relations”, wheich was legally accurate, because what he and Monica did was sodomy.
Would that be a fish that went bad? 
Well…when I went to Planned Parenthood to go on the Pill, I had to fill out a big ole shitload of paperwork first. When I got to the box that said “Are you sexually active?” I checked Yes…I considered myself sexually active because although I hadn’t engaged in intercourse, I was doing all…the other stuff. After that, there was a box that said, “How many people have you had intercourse with?” and I said…zero. So later when the nurse went over the paperwork with me, she said, “OK, so you’re NOT sexually active”, and checked the No box instead. shrug So according to Planned Parenthood, the only thing considered as ‘sex’ is intercourse.
I’d have to say any act involving physical contact that is intentioned to provide orgasm (it doesn’t have to succeed, but it should make the attempt) to one or a number of the participants.
Thus coitus, anal, oral (of both falvors), manual, even masturbation (it’s sex with someone you love!) are in. Phone sex is out, no contact. Kissing’s out. Groping’s out until someone makes an attempt to get someone off, then it’s out.
Obviously, we attach different values to each these acts. What can someone do and still be a virgin? I’d say any act more intimate than manual (anal, vaginal, oral), but that’s a purely subjective ruling. It is, however, the only one I can think of that doesn’t allow the absurdities of sexually active exclusive homosexuals remaining “lifeline virgins”.
Personally, i can do certain things without any emotional involvement.
And certain things that i can’t.
While i love oral sex, giving and receiving, it never feels as intimate to me as full on sex, WHETHER I ORGASM OR NOT.
That’s why i’m in the sex is sex camp.
Because nothing else but sex FEELS like sex.
Now don’t get me wrong here, i’d count even kissing as cheating in a committed monogamous relationship.
However, i’ll leave with this, if you can achieve a state of total and transcendant intimacy with your partner through the activity, whether this state involves orgasm or not, i’d call it sex.
So for me, sex is sex, and for other people kissing is sex.
Different strokes for different folks and all that.