I have friends, both gay and straight, who have differing definitions of what sex is. [insert obligatory Bill Clinton joke here] Some say sex is anal or vaginal penetration, period. Some say it also includes fellatio, but not mutual masturbation. Some say it’s whenever they achieve orgasm, regardless of the means. Some say it’s whenever you get naked with someone, roll around and kiss, whether you achieve climax or not.
By some of these definitions, I know people who have been sexually active for years (meaning kissing, mutual masturbation, cunnilingus, analingus, and/or fellatio, which they call “just fooling around”) yet describe themselves as virgins or as “only had sex with X number of people” because there was no anal or vaginal penetration.
So, really - what is sex?
Just to get the obvious out of the way (from www.merriam-webster.com - I underlined the important bits):
Even the dictionary allows that sex means both penetration and activities other than penetration.
I assume that you are asking for our personal beliefs, not necessarily an elucidation of the Platonic ideal of sex (sort of the like the hypothetical perfect circle.) In that case I would include any penetration of the mouth/vagina/anus by the penis, but also including cunnilinguous. I would say those that digitally stimulate each other can still call themselves virgins, but I suppose others may feel differently
For myself, I’m inclined to say that anything directly involving intentionally sexual contact with my primary erogenous zones (and another person) counts as sex.
Since I’ve never had any of that, still a virgin.
But, I think it’s not something that can be nailed down so easily. Everyone views such intimate matters differently.
[Jerry Seinfeld]I would say, when the nipple makes its first appearance.[/Seinfeld]
I would agree with SisterCoyote’s definition. Any physical contact, especially invloving genitalia, engaged in for the purpose of erotic gratification.
Actually, though that’s meant as a joke, where would long-distance sex fall into the definition? Cybersex? E-mail sex? Phone sex? Where is the line drawn for these sorts of activities?
Personally, I’m not convinced that there is a line, but that’s me…
At the risk of being wooshed, I’d just like to say that in this context “digitally” means “via the digits”, i.e. good old fashioned use of the fingers. :rolleyes:
Some of you have mentioned that you would include oral sex in the definition of sex. However, does this only count as sex for the one recieving it? What about the one giving it? Does it make any difference?
Esprix, thanks for starting this. After my disasterous Pit thread, I wanted to start a thread along these lines, but hestitated because of how badly that one turned out.
It always struck me as wrong that women who were raped were considered to be non-virgins even if that rape was their only sexual experience. While they certainly know all the horrors of sex, they know none of the good points. To me, it’s like lumping someone who’d been on a plane that was hijacked to Cuba and saw no more of Cuba than the airport with someone who had visited the place on vacation. They’re two entirely different things, IMHO.
I’d have to say that SisterCoyote pretty much nailed the definition.
Sarcasm never plays well over the web, does it? I thought the winky-smile would have covered the fact that I knew perfectly well what you meant, but was amused that you used the word “digitally” in a digital bulletin board.
Do I really need to point out that I used “digital” in two different ways in my last sentence?
This is a beautiful statement, considering the topic.
I would say that at least one person’s genitals should be involved. In other words, I wouldn’t count being digitally stimulated by my boyfriend as “sex”. Sexual contact for sure, but I sure as heck considered myself a virgin afterwards.
Seems like “penetration” would seem to be necessary, yet I can still think of situations where even that wouldn’t be necessary (i.e. “sex” between two women).
I think what colors my judgement is that oral sex was something I experienced after I experienced genital sex. So I probably would hesitate to call someone who has only performed/received oral sex as “not a virgin”. But it seems like a real fine technicality.
