Lopsang, the best reason for seeing a doctor or counselor is so that you can reestablish control over yourself. At the moment you seem to be a total victim of whim and impulse. That is one of the things that is making you miserable. It’s not just the girl.
And the drinking doesn’t help right now. That just makes you a drunken victim rather than a victim. It also acts as a depressant.
I’m not scolding you. I have been where you are. It got so bad that it became physically painful. You need to get something to calm you down and to help you get good sound uninterrupted sleep.
Are you getting anything to eat? Are you drinking plenty of water? I’m serious.
Actually, it’s quite a bit like you’re in the plane ready to jump . . . with a parachute you already know is broken. And I feel like the guy next to you in the plane listening to you say, “But guys, I just gotta jump. Can’t you understand the feeling of having to jump with whatever chute you have without worrying that it’s broken?” and me saying “No, actually, I don’t understand. In fact that’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard said about skydiving.”
Do yourself a favor. Go back to that other thread and read some of the stories some of us posted about our relationships with psycho manipulator. Then ask yourself if you really want to put yourself through this kind of shit.
Or not. Sigh . . . It’s your life, and it’s your peace of mind. Sometimes, I guess, people need to put their fingers in the fire to realize it burns. That’s just life. Whatever you do don’t marry her and don’t get her pregnant. Don’t give her any money, either.
Good luck with this, Lobsang. I mean that from the heart. I’m not trying to be cheeky. A lot of us here have gone through what you’re going through. Hell, you’ll have some experience in life, not to mention some battle scars to show off. Just be careful all right?
Lobsang, I am sorry to see you are still tortured like this. I think it offers a bit of insight into the feeling you’ve had in the past about her being manipulative. I think she should have acted more decisively knowing the depth of your feelings. She should have either encouraged the relationship you desire or backed off on stringing you along. This smacks of manipulation.
I hate to read the part about the drinking. You have come so far in this area and to be set back because of this would be unfortuate. You have been feeling better and happier since those days so I hope you don’t lose the ground you’ve made.
I think you analogy above is probably a good one. I can’t help but wonder though; is she the plane, the parashute or the cold, hard ground towards which you plummet?
I personally think it’s a bad idea to let somebody know that they’re holding all the cards. I’d think you’d be more attractive if you acted the complete opposite of what your instincts are telling you (act like you don’t need her). It worked for george costanza in Seinfeld when he did everything opposite. But I think there’s some truth to it.
Hey kiddo. Listen to Linty. I have been right where you’re at. I disappointed and frustrated the hell out of my friends. They couldn’t help. Had to just watch me jump off that plane time and time again knowing what would happen. And it always did. Everytime I jumped, I thought, what the hell do they know? They have someone or they don’t understand the immense loneliness I feel. But they did understand.
Think of the cool gal that might walk right by you without you even being aware of her because you are mooning over this woman. You might miss out on the opportunity to meet someone who really dug you as much as you dug her. I’ve been on that wonderful journey, too, and I can tell you it was awesome. If I had been mooning over some manipulative, cold-hearted man, I would have missed that opportunity.
I will give this advice. If you take none of the other advice, this one will serve you very well. Do not say or do anything (like email her) without waiting 24 hours. Wait those 24 hours and if you still feel you’ve got to jump off the plane, well, then, so be it.
Bullshit. This is what you need a counselor for - to tell you this is bullshit, and explain to you why. If your counselor doesn’t do that, find one that will.
As I read this, I’m getting that nauseated feeling I get whenever I watch that scene from “Swingers” where Mike calls Nikki like 10 times in a matter of 5 minutes.
In fact, Lob, rent “Swingers.” It always makes me feel better when I’ve got the chick blues.
Listen to Linty Fresh and Logically Loquacious, Lobsang, for they are wise.
(Damn, too many L names there!)
And I will add my name to those suggesting counseling. Like I said, you are obsessed, and trust me, I know obsession when I see it.
Do NOT e-mail her these threads. You’d only come off like a stalker. I’m not saying YOU ARE, just that where this girl is concerned, your feelings are very unhealthy.
Thankyou. I’ve gotten over feelings before. In fact my life has been a series of unrequitted love episodes. This one is the first one where I felt like on some level it might actually be requitted. I’ve only known for a few days that it’s not… give me a chance people I can get over this.
The hard bit will be when she gets a new boyfriend (and someone as… hot as her does not stay single unless it is by choice so it’s only a matter of time) I will have to come to terms with knowing that he’s got what I want. But I’ve done that before. (only I wasn’t as in-love then)
Glad you’re feeling a bit better. This is probably a good course of action. I’m so sorry you’ve had such a rough time of it where this girl is concerned. You seem like a really great guy. She has no idea what she’s missing out on.
That was a joke. When I’m as blunt as that it usually means I’m joking. However it would make things interesting if she somehow discovered all those threads… or my username and how to search and the sdmb. She’s fairly dumb when it comes to computers (She gets me to help with just about every task she is given)