Depression Hotline: If you're not depressed before you call, you will be after

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I work for a major long-distance carrier and the company sent out an email today informing its employees that there is now a Depression and Alcoholism Hotline for us to call. Curious about what this was all about, a coworker and I called up and had it on speaker phone.

We got this recording:
If you think you may be suffering from depression, press 1
If you think you may be an alcoholic, press 2

We pressed 1 and got:

Do you sleep excessively? Press 1
Do you feel the world would better off without you? Press 2
Do you feel as if you can’t take stress an longer? Press 3
This went on through 7, I can’t remember them all. We pressed 2 and got:

Have you ever thought of taken your own life, press 1
Have you ever purposely taken an overdose of medication, press 2

This went on and on. What the hell were these people thinking when they decided that THIS is the best way to help your employees who feel they need help?

We didn’t press anymore prompts, cuz we were getting to depressed listening to all the different ways we can think of to kill ourselves.

2

“If you feel alienated from society because of all this technology crap, press 3.”

Priceless :smiley:

3

My word, this is something else. I kept waiting for the punchline. Sounds an awful lot like a Monty Python sketch, doesn’t it? Wonder what would have been at the end if you’d persevered all the way through your many options? If you ever make it through, you must tell us.

4

Eventually, you would get a real person (I hope! It would suck to press all those buttons and just get a recorded voice saying, “Quit your bitching, snap out of it!” or “You just need to get laid. Save up some money and find a hooker to give you a blowjob at least.”) I don’t know if I’m gonna call again, cuz as we were doing it, we thought we might be tying up someone who might really need help and isn’t just bored at work like we were.