Depression

In My Humble Opinion
1

I’m not sure why I’m posting this, maybe its because I want to get stuff off of my chest, maybe its to help others understand depressives, I don’t really know.

I am NOT looking for sympathy, and I’m not feeling suicidal.

I have suffered from clinical depression for a good many years, and am currently in a pretty bad one, the really bad ones I can’t function and just sit and stare at the wall, but those are rare.

I have developed the ability to carry on functioing in all but the worst bouts, and can even hide it from others.

This is necessary because normal people shy away from the unhappy; because it makes them feel uncomfortable, it makes them feel depressed as well, and its very boring company.

Also I feel it is a weakness; that I find shameful and embarrassing.

So very few people IRL know that I suffer from it at all, let alone when I’m actually depressed.

Depression is NOT self pity, self pity is a self induced form of masochistic enjoyment, plus an excuse for your failings.

There is reactive depression which is a quite natural response to bad news etc but clinical depression is an entity in its own right.

Really speaking C.D. is the ultimate sanity, you look at life as it really is, not pretend to yourself that certain things aren’t going to happen.

The fact is that we are all born with a death sentence, everything that you ever achieved is pointless as it dies with you.

Everyone you have ever liked, or loved, or respected, or have even known will die sooner or later.

You create life only for it to die.

I have had so many good friends die over the years.

The person who dies quickly and unexpectedly, as in the man suddely run over by a bus, is the lucky one.

Theres no anticipation, no unhappiness, just the inevitable; happening without them knowing it.

Though of course their loved ones suffer terribly.
When you get up in the morning and go to work, and socialise with friends and family, and save, and plan for the future, all you are doing is running as fast as you can up a down escalator.

And eventually you get tired and it takes you back down to the bottom.

Life for me at the moment is just one long hard struggle, and I’m getting tired of struggling.

As I say I’m not suicidal, I’ve always been scared of dying, but I think that when it comes it will be a relief.

In a way I hope that nobody reads this as I really, really don’t want to bring other people down.

I think that I’ve posted this as a form of therapy.

2

Not at all… I feel better having read this, seeing that there’s someone who gets it.

3

I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time, Lust4Life. I’ve had problems with depression myself and for some reason, it seems at its worst this time of year. I was in therapy for half of a decade with little result and while meds were suggested, the therapist was very frank in letting me know they’d have no idea which meds would work or at what doses. While depression is a burden, I value my cognitive abilities and won’t roll dice with them by being ginuea-pigged.

Yes we all will eventually die. In a certain number of years, our sun will go super-nova and the earth will be no more. Our time is indeed finite but we should still try to get as much out of it as possible.

Hang in there. Things always get brighter. This is hard to remember sometimes and ot can be a daily struggle to maintain a positive outlook.

I hope you see better days and soon.

Bri2k

4

Pointless as life is it can give you pleasure and satisfaction and love. You don’t get that if you’re dead.

5

I’d say it’s not a more ACCURATE view if the world, it’s a COLORED view of the world.

Honestly, it wasn’t til my father died that’s I realized that dieing is a necessary part of life, one that’s been walled off and candy coated and that most people don’t get to experience enough to get comfortable with.

(continued in the next post, iPhone issues)

6

I have been depressed in the past, my wife has suffered from it more than I. I can only speak from personal experiences and say: when you have grappled with the sources of depression, it can be largely moved past. In my case, it took a little medication and time, with my wife, it took a LOT of medication and therapy with the right professional.

You are the worst person in the worst position to determine your potential for a happy outcome. It’s best to keep that in mind.

7

I hear ya, buddy. I’ve been really struggling myself, lately. And yeah, death will be a sweet relief someday. I don’t think it’s accurate that depressed people understand reality better, overall. There are some studies indicating that depressed people have a more realistic understanding of how much control they have over a given situation - but I would hesitate to generalize beyond that very narrow insight.

I’m trying a new form of therapy which has potential - it’s called Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). It’s radically different in that it doesn’t seek to fix depression, just to teach the sufferer to accept it and suffer less in that act of acceptance. It gets more complicated than that, but the core of it - the idea that by trying to fix it, to make it go away, we make it worse - that’s kind of radical (unless you’re a Buddhist.)

No question even with all the tools I’ve picked up over the years, it’s hard. God, it’s hard. It’s hard to even get off the couch most days. Sometimes I feel this overwhelming desire to just give in completely, spend the rest of my life in bed drawing social security disability and perpetually distracting myself with mindless activities like reading and watching TV until I die in a state of numb apathy. Because that’s where the real struggle lies - how to live your life when you don’t care about it at all. That’s the most painful part.

It’s probably not a good idea for you to hide it from those who care about you. I understand the impulse but it’s also true that supportive relationships are a huge factor in personal happiness - you are pushing away the very thing that could make you better.

8

Is there something in particular holding you back from happiness/peace/acceptance/fulfillment/whatever?

The reason I ask is, sometimes people have some specific thing(s) that weigh them down and make their lives miserable, and they fail to consciously recognize it because they identify those things as immutable, inevitable aspects of their lives.

Like, you can ask somebody who’s depressed “What is your main problem with life?”

And they can tell you “It’s just life in general, you’re running up a down escalator until you die…” stuff like that.

And you say “What about your job?”

And they reply “Oh, yeah, I hate my job, of course. But there’s nothing I can do about that, it’s my job!”

Or you say “What about your mother?”

And they say “Oh, yeah, I hate my mother, of course. But there’s nothing I can do about that, she’s my mother!”

You can substitute a million different things into this conversation: father, spouse, possessions, unfulfilled desires, things you resent from your past, childhood trauma… If you ask yourself the original question, Lust4life, does anything in particular come up?

9

The answer to that question was a future of possible old age, followed by death, or possibly just death.

Other issues, now that I’ve asked your question to myself, are a lack of security in my life, all of my immediate family bar one who is estranged (and who lives on the other side of the world) are deceased.

Lonliness is not a problem as I am very outgoing and make friends easily.

I went through a very bad patch this afternoon where I was reduced to wall staring, but I am fighting to try and get myself a few steps up “the ladder”, so to speak.
I have lived an eventful and well travelled life, and I worry about a future where I’m tied to a tedious, mundane life stuck in one place.

But while the latter answers may possibly exacerbate my depressions, I have suffered from C.D. from before these were actually factors in my life.

I thank everyone for their understanding, and send my warmest thoughts to anyone else who is unhappy for whatever reason.

10

Hang in there.

11

I’ve been around depressed people and interested in mental health my whole life (at 27, I’m hoping to start pursuing a new academic / career path in psychology in the next couple years), but it’s always been a foreign concept until recently. Early this year, job stress, worries about life, and a general claustrophobia (combined with guilt over a few recent bad life decisions) overwhelmed me and I spent a solid 2-3 months in a bout of major depression. At times, I couldn’t move, couldn’t think. I worried every time I got behind the wheel of my car for my daily commute because my reaction times were so weakened.

I even sought help for the first time in my life, but wound up having to get through it with only the help of my wife and family, because my job’s assistance program never provided the correct info to the only covered clinic I could reach. It’s frustrating to finally admit to yourself that you need professional help only to find those door repeatedly closed.

My sympathies absolutely go out to you; depression is a real, ugly thing and it’s not something I’d wish on my worst enemy.